I'm so tired of being scared of losing my DD

[ChocolateRaisin09]

I realised last night that I can't be normal! DD is 7 and I still have to check she is breathing every night and whenever she is ill I am sick with worry that she might die. Seriously she had the slightest cough last night and I was so worried. So pathetic. Other parents seem to just roll their eyes when their kids get yet another cold, but I'm scared every time. I'm also paranoid about her choking (still!)
I don't think I'm over protective in day to day life, I know she has a not great diet, for example, and she's not aware of me being like this. My DH does say I'm crazy.
She's our only, and we did have a traumatic birth, if that's relevant. Do I need help?

My oldest is 8 and I still check she's breathing every night, but I do think you seem over anxious. Did you ever have counselling/birth reflections to come to terms with your traumatic delivery? Maybe make a gp appointment in the morning

I would say you should seek help for your own peace. It must be exhausting feeling like that. It is perhaps post traumatic disorder of some sort from her birth.

It’s normal to worry, and I certainly feel like you do but on occasion, but not all the time. Go see your gp, but ask for talk therapy not just tablets! Good luck

If the ONLY three things you do is worry it's worse when they're ill, check on them before bed and cut up grapes, then I think that's fairly normal. (Well I do two of those with my 7yo). But if that's just 3 examples of constant worrying, then you might need some help.

Health anxiety op...mine flairs up every so often when I'm stressed/upset and then calms down to manageable levels.

I worry about choking (major fear of mine) and none of mine are allowed lollipops or to run around eating. I also still check they're all breathing when I check them at night and dc1 is 10...but that's my manageable, low-level anxiety.

If you're in a state of sickening worry often or all the time, I'd say it's probably best to see the GP.

Oh and, what helped me op was forcing myself to be more in control.

I've watched countless videos of how to help a choking victim and CPR. What to do for head injuries, research on what are worrying symptoms with illness, what fever needs a Dr etc.

I used to avoid these things and actively looking into them made me feel a lot worse and more anxious temporarily...but a whole lot better in the long run.

It's very normal. I actually asked my GP about this and he laughed (in a nice way) and said it's just being a mum!!

When I gave birth my mum said 'welcome to a lifetime of worry' ... I have worried about everything you have said plus... terrorist attack on school/street/car accidents/ grooming. Mine are now 12 and 10 and wall to school on their own, I remind them about road safety and older kids/bullies etc and they call me over protective. I mentally had a word with myself the other day to try and chill out a bit, bad things happen, there are no guarantees but I need to enjoy DC and manage the worry.
If it is crippling worry/anxiety I would reccomend the GO

No, it isn't 'normal'. It is understandable and quite common, but not normal. It must be awful to be in such a state of heightened anxiety - do seek help from your GP.

I think worrying and checking to a degree is perfectly ‘normal’ and something most, if not all parents do. But it can be extreme.

I have severe depression and anxiety, and see a psychiatrist weekly. One of my huge anxieties is around my children, husband and pets breathing and surviving the night. I have insomnia too and spend most nights pacing around the house checking that they are all alive, it’s exhausting. There have only ever been two issues overnight with my youngest DD (she is nearly 6) on both occasions she came to me, in my head it’s a green light to the checking - she was ill overnight so checking on them will stop that. During the day and my ‘rational’ mind takes over, if they bump themselves, cry or are ill it’s dealt with in a ‘normal’ way, it’s only overnight that is the issue. Me and my psychiatrist know the route cause but it hasn’t stopped the need for me to do it yet.

I guess OP what I’m trying to say is only you can gauge if you fit into the ‘normal’ category.

Just to say I have said normal and rational with inverted commas because normal and rational cover a vast range.

Please get some help and learn some coping techniques.
Looking for constant reassurance is pointless as it never lasts long or truly reassures you. You need to learn to ride the wave of anxiety by NOT checking, and doing some relaxation or distraction technique to bring your anxiety down quicker.
To be this anxious when she is way past newborn age is OTT.
If you don't sort this now, what will you be like when she wants to go to the shop by herself, or walk around to a friend's house? Or learn to drive or go on a school trip abroad (hot topic currently!)

I get this. I've had CBT, I'm still the same. I don't want tablets tha chill me out so much I dont feel things anymore.

I dont know the answer, sorry op.

I think you may have had some kind of ptsd regarding her traumatic birth and should see a gp for referral for some counselling or CBT.

It’s not normal to be so anxious around your child on such an intense level. We all worry about our children and their future (environment, housing, jobs, health etc) but more fleeting g rather than continuous.

It’s important for your mental health to gain some perspective here.

The way I look at it is misfortune is always unexpected so worrying is futile. Enjoy the time you gave with get, don't waste it worrying because none of us know what lies ahead.

I know how you feel OP (((hug)))

I used to be exactly like this, and I'm still a worrier, but so much better thanks to counselling and medication. I know some people think medication will "numb" you, but it's not like that for me and I think that's quite an outdated view (but very common). It did take me a few tries to find the one that suits me, but it was worth the effort. I'm on a very low dose but it works.

I'm still aware of all the risks and things to worry about, but they aren't as heightened and don't upset me as much. I had a traumatic childhood and according to my gp and counsellor, I'm just primed to fear the worst and catastrophise all the time - that's how my brain developed. The drugs calm it down, but they don't stop me feeling like me, or having other, normal feelings.

Some people recommend CBT too, so that's worth a try. Anyway, see your GP to start with. This is severe anxiety, it's a medical condition and they should be sympathetic.

captain, do the tablets really work? what do you take and what does is it and does it take long to work? I always thought tablets made you feel awful and zoned you out. Is it really not like that?

I really empathise as I was like this a year ago (still am to a lesser extent!) but after CBT, I feel like a different person. I am still definitely more anxious about my children than your average parent BUT it's much more manageable and when it flares up I now know it's the anxiety talking rather than believing with gut wrenching fear that they're in danger.

CBT worked well for me as I needed to learn to manage those feelings. Please speak to your GP to discuss options, things can change and get better with help x

Yes they really work and every night when I take mine I feel so grateful! I know that sounds extreme but living with acute anxiety is bloody awful and exhausting as you know.

I'm on a low dose of venlafaxine. I have tried sertraline, citalopram and mirtazapine. But everyone is different so you won't necessarily find what's right for me is right for you, but a GP can discuss what to try and how long to try it for.

Generally they take a few weeks to work And in fact they all worked to a degree, but the others had side effects I didn't like. For example with mirtazapine I felt a bit foggy and also craved food so gained weight. Citalopram make my neck and jaw feel stiff. Sertraline just worked a bit but not very well.

The other thing to bear in mind is that coming off a drug can cause side effects too, like dizziness, so going through the process can be a faff. It's important to tail them down gradually, not just stop.

ssd I can’t answer for CaptainCardamom but I can tell you my experience with antidepressants. I take a certain group of tablets because I have fibromyalgia and so they like to use tablets that are licenced for pain use too. I have never been spaced out but I did have an awful reaction to one. Unfortunately I haven’t found them that beneficial this time around but in the past with a straight depression and anxiety diagnoses I have found they have really helped. And I found that I could reduce them and come off them completely after a relatively short period of time and stay well. Although my MH has taken a nosedive it’s a combination of factors.

Sorry Cross post.

Oh and I have some other tips too! - I also take a magnesium supplement, as anxiety depletes your magnesium and that makes you more exhausted (honestly, that is science not woo). And although I'm busy with kids and work etc, I try really hard to make time for doing relaxing and soothing things - for me, creative hobbies and relaxing in the bath - and getting enough sleep. Also exercise, especially strength-based (weights) and swimming. Of course I can't always fit it all in but I notice a big difference to how I feel when I can.

Oh and agree with Bumbum you don't have to be on meds permanently. You can use them for a whilem then come off and see how you do. My GP has kept me on them longer term as I've been through a lot of upheaval recently (separation, moving house etc) but with a view to eventually reducing and stopping to see if it comes back.

I am not going to discount medication. I know it can be a lifesaver.
But as someone who has extensive experience of this issue I would recommend specialized therapy as the best response.
You need to get to the bottom of why you feel this way.
Meds won't do that.
The trouble with treating the symptoms rather than the cause is that it can get much, much worse with time as you add all sorts of 'coping' strategies to help.
They can turn out to be the opposite of coping.

It depends on how serious your issue is. Its hard to tell from your post.
Anxiety, particularly health related, is exhausting.

See your GP for a referral to your local IAPT or self refer OP. This isn't normal and sounds like a mental health disorder like GAD or health anxiety possibly. You need professional advice and treatment if that's the case.