To expect DP to be with me at the hospital? I’m angry.

[EilaLila]

Important backstory: I had a fairly routine operation and suffered a rare but serious complication. I nearly died and was in intensive care. Mentally, I struggle and have been diagnosed with PTSD.

I am having another operation in a few weeks. To be fair, it’s a minor procedure, much more minor that the one I had last time but my illogical brain is going crazy. Last night, DP and I were chatting about practicalities. He said to call him as soon as I’m out or ask the nurses and of course, he’ll be there ASAP. I was surprised and said so. He replied that he thought it was silly for him to hang around.

I’m disappointed in him. He’s usually the most supportive person and I don’t understand why he can’t see it from my view. I explained that I was scared but he just kept hugging me and trying to reassure me.

He’s away for the weekend and I’m stewing on it, getting more and more angry. AIBU?

I was allowed to stay in the room where DH was taken from and returned to after he had a minor op. And previously I've waited in the canteen, for a bigger op.

So he can wait-even if they say he can't wait in the actual room. The surgeon rang me after one op too to tell me which intensive care ward to go to (that it was planned, nothing scary happened).

I'd expect my DH to be there. Hope yours can be too

Regardless of what others have said, I've not long had minor surgery and plenty of other patients had family members waiting on the actual ward (sitting in the chair next to the patient's bed space) waiting for them to return after short ops. Others stayed on site and went to the canteen. It's by no means unheard of. I would say to him directly when he returns that you'd like him to stay at the hospital even if he goes and sits in the canteen for the duration of your surgery.

My DH had major surgery a couple of hears ago. When he had to go back to theatre a few days later as an emergency I sat in the coffee shop, and then outside the ward, just like the movies, and the very lovely on-call surgeon came to find me as soon as he was out.

I had something approaching PTSD afterwards, and when DH had to go back the following year for something more minor I was scared witless. I went into work for company (although I work 5 mins walk from the hospital). It’s possible your DH feels the same.

Wishing you well, OP.

OP, it might be stressful for him too after what happened to you last time. He might not want to hang around.

My DH went into work when I had fairly major surgery - his colleagues were surprised to see him but he just wanted to keep his mind busy and off what was happening to me! It was a long procedure for me and when he rang to see how I was doing, the staff advised him to come in after visiting time because I'd still be a bit dopey then! They also told me when he was on the phone and that they'd told him to come in later. Have you discussed your concerns with the staff/consultant you are seeing?

"I was allowed to stay in the room where DH was taken from and returned to after he had a minor op. And previously I've waited in the canteen, for a bigger op. "

He must have had a side room. It wouldn't (or at least shouldn't) happen in a shared bay

When I had my multiple ops, I had no idea of their timing. Big hospital, I was the youngest and healthiest (ha, joke!) so all my OPs were pushed back due to theatre being busy. I think yabu to want your DP there (although I don’t have PTSD) therefore. I would have told mine to sod off home, it’s pointless making him wait round.

Pancake it has happened, right in front of me, within the last month. Husbands stayed and mostly spent the hour playing on their phones. Shared bay. I wasn't massively keen but I drew my curtain round and in all other respects the hospital was great so I let it go.

Eila doesn't help with your current situation but a lot of ITU's have follow up clinics that might help? for you