AIBU to attempt to reassert myself just before going on mat leave?

[isshoes]

I’ve been at my place of work for over ten years. I’ve progressed well, and am in a sort of middle management position. Until about a year ago I was probably one of the ‘key’ members of my department, was trusted and often asked to deputise for the head of department.

Since then there have been multiple changes, particularly at senior management level. I have been pretty much sidelined under the new boss, and other people of the same grade as me but who joined much more recently have now become the default deputies. The boss shares far more information with them than she does with me, and I’m almost certain she’s lining them both up for promotion.

One of them in particular is starting to pull rank on me, treading on my toes by having meetings about matters under my direct remit without including me, and telling me I don’t need to be involved or even briefed yet if I ask about it. I’m getting pretty pissed off with it all.

The thing is, I’ll be going on mat leave in a few weeks. I can’t decide whether it’s worth me making an issue of it now, or whether I should just go on leave and forget about it for a year. Undoubtedly a lot will have changed by the time I come back, including the fact that these two colleagues will have been promoted and I’ll probably have to report to one of them. Is it worth me reminding them now that they can’t just walk all over me and that I am actually the same level of seniority as them, or should I just keep things sweet for now and see the lie of the land when I come back?

Has the sidelining been since you announced your pregnancy? If so, I’d suggest a meeting with HR before you go off, to record your concerns.

That way, if anything changes whilst you’re off you have a paper trail.

Interesting question. It’s difficult to say really because everything happened at the same time - new management coming in/former boss leaving/me announcing my pregnancy. I think in reality that part of it could be due to my being pregnant, and them knowing I’ll be out of the picture for a year, but there’s also a sense that these days everyone is divided into camps - people who are old school and resistant to change, and those who are ‘on board’ with this new corporate environment being created. I’m definitely considered to be in the former camp...

I'm currently going through something similar. I'm pregnant and since I announced it I have been treated different and had work etc removed from my remit. I have decided to raise it and I'm not going to lie it has been horrid and I've been grilled like anything as if I'm in the wrong. I'm currently awaiting an outcome but I can't see it being in my favour.

Part of me thinks I should have just left it but the other part of me thinks actually you should stick up for yourself if you believe what's happening is wrong. If you think it's directly due to your pregnancy then sticking up for yourself is always worth it.

Sorry if this doesn't help - just trying to give some perspective.

Thanks for your input #mollifly. Your situation sounds horrid and the dilemma you describe is the same for me - I don’t think it’s right what’s happening and I wonder if I’d look back with regret if I didn’t act now.

Don’t mind me while I bump...

Doesn't matter really imo if it is or isn't directly related to your pregnancy; the fact that it's happening to you whilst you're pregnant is enough that were you to take your concerns to HR they should be listened to. I'd use the pregnancy, in that sense, to your advantage; it's easier to attract (corporate) concern if the issue is one of obvious discrimination rather than a more oblique "they don't like me cos I'm old school" argument, even if it really is down to the latter. Hope that makes sense

I would leave it you going on maternity leave . The place could be very differentin year . And you could pg again.
I would just treat it as a place to go maternity leave from . When you finish having your kid then sort out where you want to go work .

Leave. It.

Seriously.

Make their last impression of you before maternity leave as one who is hatd working, productive, focussed, doesn’t get involved in office politics etc

Then, when back from maternity leave, assert yourself.

I would seriously suggest writing a letter of concern to your HR noting your fears. Dont make it about anyone inparticular but more the situation.

I feel there will be plenty of women on this site who felt sidelined when pregnant. Your not alone and its not ok.

In your position I don't think I'd make an issue of it. Because a lot can change in a year. That person might have moved on by then. When you go back assess the situation and take it from there. This might mean looking for another job. I can't see any advantage of doing anything now when you will be away for a year.

If you feel you are being sidelined due to pregnancy you need to put you concerns in writing to HR so that the issue can be looked at properly, and request a response in writing to safeguard yourself. Unfortunately there are still people out there who think if you are having a baby you can be disregarded.

I would advise you to leave it... purely because what you want to happen ie for these people not to be promoted above you whilst you are off, has not happened yet. So you will likely just be fobbed off.

If they do promote them whilst you are away, you should be made aware of any internal job vacancies and given the opportunity to apply but it would be really hard to prove you weren't the best person for the job if they then give it to the other people.

I'd wait to fight any battles until you return. one, because you don't want to go on mat leave under a cloud and two, because you don't know for sure what it'll look like when you get back.

Thanks for the replies everyone. Interesting to see an almost split response between the two options, which reinforces how much of a dilemma it is!

I’m beginning to think that it might be safer for me to log my concerns now, otherwise I may struggle to make any sort of case when I come back (if I choose to do so).

Dljlr I know exactly what you mean, and I’ve sort of been thinking that myself. The mere threat of a claim of discrimination on the grounds of a protected characteristic may make them sit up and take notice...

Ask for a meeting with the new boss before you go on leave. Express your concerns that you are taking maternity leave at a crucial time for the organisation's development, and that some colleagues seem to already be discounting you. Confirm that you will be returning to play a full part in the business and ask to be kept in touch with any new developments and informed of any opportunities that arise. Do your best to dispel the idea that you are an 'old school' person who will be going soon, so can be disregarded- you need to be in the 'on board' camp if you're coming back.

What are the arrangements for maternity cover? will the new people be taking over your role?

Think about your end goal.

I'd be making it clear now to HR that they are creating a hostile work environment which makes it very difficult to do your job effectively.

Meanwhile on leave start looking for a new job. These people don't value you. Go back to work and work the minimum time required and leave. If you can return back to work in a new position. If they demand return of maternity pay you can fall back on the hostile environment and ask if they would like you to raise it further with the relevant persons.

If you raise your consents now... good luck! It's a brave thing today but you should always stand up for yourself! Make sure you start keeping a log of all conversations though.

Thanks again all - some very good advice. missy - a member of my team is going to ‘act up’ for the year. She is also seen as old school, and I expect they’ll walk all over her too...