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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell MIL to get her beak out of my business and while she is at it she can tell her friend she is a noisy nasty busybody

50 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 03/02/2018 08:12

Arrrrgggghhhh
Met a good friend and ex work colleague for a drink and a bar snack a few days ago, friend just happens to be male
MIL who hates me by the way has just rung DH at eight in the morning because a friend has messaged her saying she saw me and another man in the pub laughing together and when I left I gave him hug. Apparently it looked like we were more then friends.

DH has just laughed this off and told MIL to tell friend to mind her own business and he knew I was meeting friend.

I have just got a messsge from MIL telling me I have to be more carefull about the impression I give. DH shock his head laughing when I showed him the message and said he would have a word and I am to message back telling her to mind her own which I have done
Just got another saying she is just looking out for her son who I am embarrassing by meeting other men
FFS I give up

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/02/2018 08:46

“I do not pry into your business and I would thank you for not prying into mine. Dh is coming to talk to you later about your behaviour. This is unacceptable and I shall not respond to any future demeaning comments.”

Loving the snogging the entire rugby team comment . Sounds like you’ve got your own personal hyacinth bucket!

Original poster

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 03/02/2018 08:48

Yep unfortunetly my friend when drunk gets very loud and has no filter. Still love her though

OP posts:

youarenotkiddingme · 03/02/2018 08:50

Love the 1900's calling response.

Think I'd go with not responding though. There's nothing more annoying to someone trying to create drama to be cut off at scene 1 act 1!

Raindancer411 · 03/02/2018 08:52

Feb2018mumma · 03/02/2018 08:52

My own mum once messaged me saying I needed to be careful as was tagged in a photo with my arm around another man!!!! My husband has photos from his stag do that would give her a heart attack! I don't understand at all the idea that women can't have male friends!!!!

ChaosNeverRains · 03/02/2018 08:53

Although if someone posts here that they’ve seen a friend’s partner etc out with another man/woman and giving them a hug people would say they should tell the friend as they “would want to know.”

The MIL might be a busy body etc, but ultimately a friend told her she saw her daughter in law out with another man and as we know it’s impossible to know one way or another if you only get a snapshot view.

Proclaiming that she’s a busy body and saying to get her friends to keep their noses out comes across as unnecessarily defensive. All the OP and her dh need to do is say that the man is a friend, the dh knows and there’s nothing in it.

But there are enough posts on MN from the other side which get the response of “tell him/her they need to tell their dh, either that or you will,” etc to know that the other viewpoint does not coincide with this one.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/02/2018 08:58

well she has your son's best interests at heart

No she doesn't, its all about her telling the OP how to behave.

MIL is very much of the old school though that you don’t have friends of the opposite sex

Not unless she is over 100. My octogenarian Mother has always had friends of both sexes.

If she is genuinely concerned about gossips at church then suggest she goes to a Christian one instead. Somewhere that takes 'bearing false witness' seriously.

If you really want to reply tell her you normally block numbers sending malicious or unsolicited messages. Depends on whether or not you have a relationship with her to try and retain.

jacks11 · 03/02/2018 08:58

Yes but chaos: when OP's DH said he knew OP was meeting her friend and that there was nothing to be concerned about. MIL then text OP to say she needs to be careful about "the impression she gives" and is "embarrassing her son" by having the audacity to have a male friend. I think telling her to mind her own business and stop being a busy body at that point is entirely reasonable.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 03/02/2018 08:59

You've both told her to mind her own. Your oh has said he'll have a word and laughed it off. Not sure what else you'd expect?

Plus she acted on info from nosey friend. Think the worst thing here is breaking the news to him via text!!

BerylStreep · 03/02/2018 09:16

Just block her number from now on.

jacks11 · 03/02/2018 09:17

Married

IMO the worse thing is telling OP she should be more careful about the impression she gives as meeting friends who happen to be male is embarrassing her son (the OPs DH). Even after being told by her son that he is ok with it and knew they were meeting.

I can just about understand OPs MIL saying to her son that a friend had seen OP with another man and thought it looked suspicious. However, as she has been told that there is nothing to it anything else she says really is straying into busy body territory. It really none of her business if OP has male friends and nor should MIL be trying to police OPs behaviour. This is mainly about MIL and their very conservative/old fashioned views on how women should behave. It sounds to me like the MIL is as worried what her friends will think as she is about her son being embarrassed (as he has told her he isn't).

BewareOfDragons · 03/02/2018 09:25

"The only one embarrassing your son is you. Please do not comment on my personal business again."

A1Sharon · 03/02/2018 09:27

About a month after I got married I was visiting my parents for the weekend. They lie in another city. I came downstairs all ready to go out with some old school friends and my ( I swear, otherwise totally normal parnets!) were horrified!
Going out?! Does DH know? It really isn't done? Why are you going out with out him?etc etc.
I was genuinely amazed, as they have never displayed this sort of antiquated behaviour before. I went out with my friends all the time without DH before we were married, and they never batted an eyelid!
Anyway, once I explained that at that very moment in time DH was going out with his friends back home, and that he was fully supportive of my going out, and that times had moved on etc etc they were fine, and have never mentioned anything like it since.
They married in the early 50s and think it was a bit different then.
Good that your DH has the measure of his mother!

expatmigrant · 03/02/2018 09:35

It is a generational thing. My PIL would have reacted the same way. They did not meet friends of the opposite sex for dinner/drinks.
It just needs pointing out to them that things have changed and for them not to worry.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/02/2018 09:42

You should text back to MIL to get her dirty mind out of the gutter and if that's her first response to two FRIENDS meeting up then she needs to sort her mind out! And her friend's too.

mumpoints · 03/02/2018 09:43

youarenotkiddingme

"There's nothing more annoying to someone trying to create drama to be cut off at scene 1 act 1!"

Oooh I love that!

Original poster

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 03/02/2018 09:49

I think if it was Just MiL informing DH I had been seen with another man I would have shrugged it off but I was the the texted that followed about the impression I give etc that got my blood boiling

OP posts:

Original poster

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 03/02/2018 09:49

"There's nothing more annoying to someone trying to create drama to be cut off at scene 1 act 1!

I love that too, must remember it

OP posts:

morningconstitutional2017 · 03/02/2018 09:55

Could you say that the friend is gay? That'll put the cat among the pigeons and MIL may never say another word about it ever again.

AnotherDunroamin · 03/02/2018 09:56

New phone; who dis?

Original poster

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 03/02/2018 10:03

I could say he is gay and due to all these insinuations affecting me so much DH will be meeting him in future now instead of me

OP posts:

Groovee · 03/02/2018 10:04

I had this... 7 months pregnant, DH was on a night out. He came home and said his pal's new girlfriend turned up with her pals and one who was married wanted to dance and only DH would dance with her. MIL's best pal's Daughter who we think had designs on DH, told her mother who phoned MIL using her big wooden spoon. MIL phoned to tell me!

I was a bit spiteful... my aunt and uncle lived across the road from MIL's friend and I might have done my own stirring by saying this stress was what caused my pre-eclampsia. (It was coincidental) but made them all feel guilty. Might have made a number of snide comments regarding the daughter too.

MIL doesn't remember it now as we discussed it last year. But I do. As long as DH is fine that's what matters. Should it happen again, but done spoons and gift them to the stirrers.

Wdigin2this · 03/02/2018 10:08

OMG, life's difficult enough without interfering ma-in-laws! Tell her that you and her son have no secrets, what you do is no business of hers, and her 'friend' is a nasty piece of work, which she is also in danger of becoming!!

HeebieJeebies456 · 03/02/2018 10:17

I'd wind her up even further - and tell her you and dh are in an open relationship....or that dh chose this man for threesome purposes and wants you to get to know him/feel comfortable with him

RandomMess · 03/02/2018 10:27

Perhaps tell MIL that you and DH are considering a 3 some with him but you needed to check out that the right chemistry was there...

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