To want my partner to leave

[charley30]

I am desperate please help me I'm in despair and need advise . My partner left to stay in his mums at night as she was unwell . But continued to come here everyday and expect things to go on as normal . He is a manipulative narcissistic man who hasn't touched me in 12 years . I am a shadow of my former self . I have had health problems for two years now and I realised that this man was adding to them by not showing me love or care . Or by being a proper partner re money and helping me and all the support I need as a parent . My teen has been ok from September as she understood I was feeling better when he wasn't here and I made the mistake of ignoring him completely and doing what he has always done to me . My child has suffered because of this . He would be quite happy to live like this for the rest of his days . I have not been to a solicitor as I thought he would eventually get the messsge . But no he continues to be the parent he has always been by driving her where she needs to go but not acknowledging my existence . Since Christmas I don't know what has happened. She had completely turned on me and says that I am trying to take her away from her dad and that I have ruined her life . She has become angry and aggressive to the point I cannot sit in the same room as her . I have to add my health problems have left me with anxiety and depression also due to lack of support and love . I have always been a brilliant mum but Iv had to do it on my own but basically I allowed this man to live in my home not contribute to our daughters care and or join us as a family . I could not cope with this any longer to the point that I developed agoraphobia and I was do strong before Christmas . I have always had the love of my daughter to see me through these hard and lonely times . She had just told me that he has asked her to go to a friends caravan over the mid term break . He did this in the summer also leaving me very unwell with no one as I have no family or friends . He is doing it again .please help me . My daughter hates me and tells me so . I am devastated and am trying to rein her in and explain that her dad walked out on me and I have never stopped her having a relationship with him but for my mental and physical health I am better if he leaves . Which he will not do . House is in my name . I'm losing everything . I detest what he has done to me and now my daughter

Hi OP, sorry to hear how low you are feeling.
Are your health conditions being managed by your GP? How old is your DD?

Repeat thread...what happened to yesterday’s?

Seems mighty familiar OP, what happened to the thread you posted yesterday?

So get a non-mol order, ask him for the key back or change the locks, send him a solicitor’s letter telling him he’s no longer allowed in. Pack all his shit up, take it to his mum’s.

I know it's not the Done Thing to look at poster's previous posts but they're relevant in this situation.

OP, have you sought any real-life help for your health and anxiety issues? Nothing seems to have changed since you originally posted and it's clear you need professional help rather than mere advice from an internet forum.

Please see your GP and get referred. Then you can focus on getting free of this man.

I don't know why this thread has been repeated . It's ok . I know I won't get better while with this man. I have been getting help from my gp . My autoimmune conditions do affect my mood but I cope with that . This isn't the problem and not what I'm asking advise for .! I'm think it's unfair to not focus on the immediate post despite previous ones

Thank you for your input re the order

Are you relying on your daughter to look after you, OP? Sorry if I’m wrong, but you give that impression. If so, stop it as he will jump on that as a reason to manipulate your daughter.

I think you need to separate your feelings for your ex and your daughter’s feelings for her father. He could be the nastiest fucker on earth but she loves him, so you need to stop talking negatively about him. The more you show your dislike of him, the more she will side with him. Step back and just say I hope you have a good holiday. When she says you’re trying to take her away from him, just say “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Don’t start arguing with her as you’re reinforcing her anger and she won’t back down. Her hormones will be all over the place so she’s going to be moody at the best of times.

Regarding him coming to your home. Tell her that he will no longer be coming into the house as he no longer lives here and you feel that it would be better if you and he have a bit of breathing space. Reinforce that you want her to have a lovely relationship with her father and of course you want her to spend time with him. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t what you want, just fake it until you make it. It will get easier as time passes. Good luck.

Thank you that is very sound advise! No I don't mean to come across that way by expecting my daughter to look after me . Unfortunately the happy and secure family and home life I wanted for my daughter will never be while with him but me alone have overcome every obstacle in my own . As I said he is manipulative and I see that now . I have never stopped my daughter from seeing him nor would I intend to . He will get what he always has done the easy life . I will continue to be the parent I always have been without the added stress of this man .