AIBU to think there must be something we can do about my 5yo's poo accidents?

[Dalrymps]

My 5.5yo ds has been having frequent pop accidents since he started Reception. Both at home and at school.
It seemed to start around the time he went in to Reception and we stopped him using his potty. He was really attached to it and not sure about going on a toilet at all. But we thought best to phase it out as they have toilets at school and he can’t go on the potty forever.
Anyway, he can have several accidents a day sometimes. Sometimes it’s several a week. I get called in to school to clean him up. I just feel so bad for him.
We don’t get annoyed at him, we just clean him up and remind him to try and sit on the toilet next time.
He does sometimes start to poo at home and just have a shart, so we’ll put him on the loo and he manages a poo. But we really have to insist he goes on the loo as he’s reluctant. He has his own special seat and it’s nice and sturdy.
I read on the internet it can happen if they have been withholding and stretched their bowels, resulting in loss of sensation and signals when they need to go. The advice was to give him lactulose for this to make him regular and that hopefully he would start to get the correct signals again.
I took him to the dr and asked for lactulose. She felt his tummy and said there were no lumps or blockages but agreed to give it a try anyway.
There has been a small improvement but it’s still happening quite a lot. I don’t think he’s ever managed to poo on the loo at school :(
I rang the school nurse on advice of the dr weeks ago and heard nothing back. I just left her another message.

I worry he’ll start getting picked on. I don’t really know what else to try. We’ve had sticker charts, but I really don’t think he can help it.

MotherHeyHo we found that book brilliant, it’s a good recommendation. Just to reassure you, we are a few years past the movicol days and dc is confident and the problems are in the past. For people who haven’t been there it’s difficult to understand just how difficult it is to deal with a child who is withholding poo and having accidents at school. In reception they’re understanding at first, then get fed up as the dc goes through the year and is still soiling. So much of the day can be taken up with the issue. I don’t know where we’d be without the movicol, as this got us out of the cycle and kept us there.

Useful thread! We've got just the same prob. Sometimes it gets better and then we're back to stage one. I think he has lost sensation. Will call Eric helpline.

My DS was exactly like this, it ended up being a mixture if issues - he hated using school toilets & would wait until he was at home and a dietary allergy which was compounding the problem ending with chronic constipation.
In the end he was so stressed with school (awful and unsupportive teacher) that he refused to eat or drink in the mornings or at school incase he needed to go and was unwell.
Our result was pulling him and his twin into home ed while we sorted everything out. Fortunately he is now a strapping 15yo at college with no such worries but it took a while and lots of patience.

Please persist at the staff otherwise they will ignore it.

Good luck Chatham house. It’s not a quick fix with movicol, in that although it sorts out the problem relatively fast, the children are usually on it for a year or more, and the older they are to begin with, the longer is needed to fix. But it really helped us.

I was clearing out some boxes and found dc’s learning journey from nursery, including photos of him as a toddler in what we can now recognise as his “holding it in” position. We didn’t twig at the time, but it’s obvious now that the problems started earlier than we recognised at the time.

Hey @Dalrymps - remember me? We've had exactly the same issues. I've sent you a PM xx

I second getting info from ERIC. The forums that ERIC have on HealthUnlocked are so useful for hearing other parents' advice and experiences.

Please, please, if your GP won't sort this ask for referral to paediatrics. 99% of the time it's chronic constipation, and helping parents learn how to sort that out is bread and butter paediatrics.

The Eric website can be useful. But ultimately, I bet he needs shedloads of movicol (or laxido - same stuff, different brand).

I’ve had lots of dealings with school nurses and can vouch that I’m certain they’ll get back to you, the majority IME work part time so it may be that the one allocated to your DS’ school was off. Don’t panic

DD had similar issues - got sorted with movicol. you first need a clear out aka poonami and then he will probably have to take it for a while.

DD did withhold and in the end, it stretched her bowels. We were in movicol for a couple of years to keep things going and for her bowels to retract again.

agree, it probably paed territory rather than GP or incontinence team. I found them really useful.

hope you get the help you need, it's tough.

Thank you for all the advice! Those of you who’s dc were constipated, were their poo accidents soft poo? He doesn’t do little hard balls, a lot of the time it’s a mixture of lumps and soft poo...
But I’m aware he still may be constipated and this may be leaking round the blockage??

He does have a fear of toilets which has got better but he is still reluctant to sit on them and needs encouraged.
About a year ago we went on holiday without his potty and he wouldn’t poo for 5 days till we found him a potty.
We’ve asked him why it happens and he just says he can’t stop it coming out and that he doesn’t want to have accidents anymore.

Teaandhobnobs, hi! For some reason I can’t see your pm

That is classic leakage @Dalrymps. We had movicol from gp,then a referral to school nurse and then to bladder and bowel team. We are now discharged back to gp with a small dose of sodium picosulfate twice a week. No more poo or wee accidents.

Oh I also meant to say that now we have the constipation sorted Dd rarely poos at school. She goes after breakfast like clockwork.

He also asks me to check if he has done a pee or a poo when he hasn’t at all. It’s like he just doesn’t know what’s going on down there.

Blacktea - that’s reassuring to hear.
Sometimes I go to school and it’s just a small poo contained in his pants.
A lot of the time it’s a massive blow out and it’s all down his legs and even on his socks

Dd had one like that at school when ofsted were in. Her poor teacher and TA were amazing about it!

By the way, the school dealt with all accidents. I was never called in to clean up.

There's a NHS app called 'Mr Poo goes to Poland' which might really help, it's about recognising the need to go, and is recognised as a valuable tool. If you google it, the link will come up.

Not Poland! Ffs! That should have said 'Pooland'

I'm just not sure of my ds has a blockage. He does massive poos about twice a week. They are soft and long and look like a good poo, if you know what I mean!! No lumps or anything unusual. I would have thought blockages would have caused strange poos. But if he doesn't go enough poo does leak out Into his pants and I don't think he knows when he does it. He does hold it in though.