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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about his future.

21 replies

suspiciousdelicious · 02/02/2018 08:42

My 8yo DS is really lovely and kind and caring and he is doing well at school but he just never does what I ask. I am worried because what will happen when he becomes a teenager? He sneeks downstairs to watch TV at 5am never completes tasks I ask him to complete without constant supervision. I've tried giving him more independence, he was even less cooperative. He's not angry or sad he just won't do as he's told. I just thought that by this point it would be better. He is boisterous but not naughty at school and never physical with other kids. Is this normal?

OP posts:

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 02/02/2018 08:51

Normal for some kids. One of mine's a bit like this.

What does he REALLY love doing?

I use my DD's love of certain things to reward her and that helps somewhat.

nextDayDelivery · 02/02/2018 08:51

It's within the spectrum of 'normal' although edging towards 'pain-in-the-arseness'.

What do you mean by boisterous? How is his behaviour in class? Is he disobedient? If he's better behaved for teachers then you then you know he's capable and he can do what you expect at home.

What punishments / rewards do you use?

My children (6 and 4) are only allowed television at the weekend. Last time they watched it on a weekday they lost TV for the whole weekend, for example. I hid the remote but I don't think they'd have had the balls to disobey.

Original poster

suspiciousdelicious · 02/02/2018 22:26

Boisterous as in he likes to be a bit loud. He likes to make people laugh and to be fair he is pretty funny for an 8-year-old.
God I love him so much.
I am less worried now. Thank you.
We had a semi-heavy chat about not doing his homework and working in Greggs or being an engineer.
He will either be happy and content as an adult or a total disaster and I will continue to try and guide him. And if he is a disaster then he might never leave home so that's a plus.
Nothing wrong with working in Greggs by the way but I made it sound awful and exhausting and smelly and that the wages would not be great which would mean he would have to adjust his expectations in life.
I am both brilliant and shit today.

OP posts:

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 02/02/2018 22:32

Children do not care about their far off future jobs etc. It is far too far away for them to even imagine. That is not how to motivate him. You need to close ranks and come up with a better suited tool kit to show him what his good behaviour can achieve and the direct consequences of not listening. And taking the tv remote to your bedroom would help. You are in charge you are the authority in his life and you need to help guide him and teach him about what that means. Negotiating is what children do, do not negotiate with your child. Be firm. Be fair and be consistent.

Original poster

suspiciousdelicious · 02/02/2018 23:07

If you aimed to help you missed.
I doubt you speak to people in the real world like that.

OP posts:

StillPissedOff · 02/02/2018 23:15

Just want to say that there is nothing wrong with working in Greggs. I was not at a Greggs today, but was at a local Jenkins for a loaf. Perfectly normal, polite people serving.

blueberrypi27 · 02/02/2018 23:17

Sorry but Calvin is right. And you sound very snobby. What is wrong with working in Greggs? Many people work there who have a degree or other qualifications

MinecraftMother · 02/02/2018 23:17

🙄😒😮

Original poster

suspiciousdelicious · 02/02/2018 23:18

I know I've worked in a Greggs. But it's hard labour for little reward and it's not nice. An honest day's work is not what it was 25 years ago. The people at the bottom of the ladder are suffering. While I'm busy campaigning for a better world he needs to be busy planning for a worse one. That's the terrible reality.

OP posts:

MinecraftMother · 02/02/2018 23:23

Do a lot of campaigning, do you?

Original poster

suspiciousdelicious · 02/02/2018 23:26

Yeah is that not OK?

OP posts:

StillPissedOff · 02/02/2018 23:33

Does the Greggs / Jenkins thing depend on geographical location? Perhaps a Greggs / Jenkins worker in central London must undergo worse employment and economic conditions, than the same jobs in areas of South Wales, e.g.?

m0therofdragons · 02/02/2018 23:40

An honest day's work is not what it was 25 years ago

In what way? Employees' rights have improved so I'm not sure I understand this comment.

Don't worry about ds's future, he's 8! Focus on here and now. Praise and consequence with consistence.

My dd1 does what she's told (when not in her own world) but dd2&3? Nope, stubborn little maddams. God I love them but I think that stubbornness may take them far. Chill and focus on him being 8.

Original poster

suspiciousdelicious · 02/02/2018 23:44

I've never heard of Jenkins. I think you're trying to be funny but I honestly don't get the joke. I'm not being deliberately obtuse. I'm sorry we do not share the same values but it doesn't mean I don't respect yours. My only issue was with Calvin and the mostly critical comments they made. Have a lovely weekend. I hope your kids allow you to have a lie in.

OP posts:

StillPissedOff · 02/02/2018 23:47

What is "Calvin"?!

ilovesooty · 02/02/2018 23:48

Why would it be a plus if he never leaves home?

Snowysky20009 · 02/02/2018 23:49

I belive Calvin gave you suitable advice not criticised you

Original poster

suspiciousdelicious · 02/02/2018 23:53

M0ther
We do usually focus on the being 8 stuff.
As a I said earlier I'm less worried now.
Thanks for the uplift. I'm going to have a bath and hide all the electronics.

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RosyPrimroseface · 02/02/2018 23:55

There's something about the way you write that is making me feel you haven't quite got a grip on discipline, and in some way you're a bit proud of him as a noble contrarian.

Can't quite put my finger on what. Something about the combination of flippant style, how much you love him, he's boisterous, then huge oversensitive umbrage at Calvin's completely reasonable advice.
Remember, nobody thinks they're 'that parent' but some of us are...

StillPissedOff · 02/02/2018 23:58

OK, if my viewpoint doesn't suit, you that's fine.

I wish you well.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 03/02/2018 08:11

I only aim to help. I’ve has issues working out discipline for my kids in the past and I gave your advice similar to what helped me gain clarity and motivation to sort my kids out. Two weeks of tough love and it will be worth it. Again I apologise if you find my advice critical of you, I don’t come in mumsnet to upset people. Good luck with your child.

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