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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to apply for promotion

30 replies

Theresnophalange · 01/02/2018 18:58

I’ll try and keep this as concise as possible, don’t want to give too much away in case someone knows me. I work for the same organisation as my DSis but in different offices. I am a higher grade and am looking for promotion, she is happy at the grade she is, though has dabbled with covering other roles for holidays etc. The role of office manager has just become vacant at her office, senior management have said I am ‘expected to apply’, this doesn’t mean the job is in the bag for me but that, as someone actively looking to be promoted to this grade, I am in the running and to not apply would suggest I’m not serious. The problem is this, if I get the job she would have to move offices as I can not be in her management chain. She moved to that office 18 months ago to be closer to home and be able to take her children (8 & 11) to school, she also altered her p/t hours as she didn’t have as far to travel. I have a younger child at the same school but can’t take him or pick him up because I work too far away. The closest alternative office is a 40 minute bus ride away, she worked there before moving. I’ve known that this job would become available for a few weeks and I spoke to our Mum about it who told me that if I did apply DSis would be extremely put out and ‘it wouldn’t end well’, she is expecting to stay at that office until both kids leave primary school. I would love to be able to take my son to school, I could also do with the wage increase and I do want promotion as have tried before and failed. Am I being really selfish? Should I put my sisters life before my career? AIBU to consider applying for this job??

OP posts:
MustObey · 01/02/2018 19:02

It’s a tough one but you need to take into consideration that senior management have told you “you are expected to apply”, ignoring advice like that could impact on your job / promotion chances long after her children have left primary school.

Tapandgo · 01/02/2018 19:04

This is a professional decision. It would be too much for your sister or mother to expect you to sacrifice your career, income and family situation to ‘help’ your sister with hers.

If they expect that, they are being extremely selfish.

errorofjudgement · 01/02/2018 19:06

So if you got the job and you moved to the new office, would you be able take/collect your son from school? Or would the role be full time so wouldn’t be able to do this?
Also can the company insist another staff member must move to a new office despite her role being available and needed at her current office?

Allthewaves · 01/02/2018 19:11

So this promotion would completely screw your sister over.

I can't see her wanting anything to do with you if you force her out of the office she works in and back to ft hours. I know I wouldn't.

Eliza9917 · 01/02/2018 19:43

Could you apply and if you get it, ask for her to report to someone else?

Original poster
Theresnophalange · 01/02/2018 19:44

She wouldn’t have to go back to ft hours, she was pt before and would remain pt. Why do you think her needs are greater than mine and that I’m screwing her over?

OP posts:
Cheekyandfreaky · 01/02/2018 19:46

Personally I wouldn’t look to make my sisters life that difficult. Jobs come and go, and I would happily explain why on this occasion I would not be happy to apply and I think they would understand.

rjay123 · 01/02/2018 19:46

Ask your manager what the situation would be with your sister - could they make an exception?

If not, you have your excuse for not applying there and then.

Family comes first - is a promotion worth the angst with your dm and dsis?

Original poster
Theresnophalange · 01/02/2018 19:47

She wouldn’t be my direct report but I would be in her hierarchy and would therefore have to make decisions that may affect her. I’m sure we could work together very well but I’ve known other people have to move when a family member has taken up a management post in their hierarchy.

OP posts:
Somerville · 01/02/2018 19:48

I wouldn't do this to my sister.

My DH and I work in the same field, and shortly after getting together, decided that our relationship is more important than careers, so never to go up against each other for work. I don't regret that at all.

rjay123 · 01/02/2018 19:49

Absolutely understandable. But ask your management for their advice on the situation.

It’ll go one of two ways...

  1. it’s absolutely fine

Or

  1. she would have to move - so you say thank you but regrettably you cannot consider this opportunity.
whiteroseredrose · 01/02/2018 19:51

Personally I wouldn't. A job is just a job and anything could happen down the line. Personality clash, company reorganisation or it goes bust like Carillon - anything. A sister is for life.

Chilver · 01/02/2018 19:51

I would just explain to management the dilemma with your sister. If they want you to apply, then they need to make adjustments for your sister. If they won't, its a reasonable explanation for why you can't apply on this occassion. It shouldn't affect your career if you explain clearly.

babyccinoo · 01/02/2018 19:51

Who started working there first?

What does the Office Manager role and management chain entail? Would your sister report into you?

mslevine86 · 01/02/2018 19:52

In that case id first have the conversation with your manager as to whether she would actually have to move, not quite the same but my friend who does the same role as me but a different team now manages her DPs best friend, it isn't an issue for them as they are able to separate work from home so id find that out first. Is it possible for you to take her kids to school? It's hard as I get why it would make things hard for your sister but it could be another situation that meant she would have to move, I wouldn't rule it out completely.

missymayhemsmum · 01/02/2018 19:53

Apply. If it is offered to you, insist that your sister is not disadvantaged by you taking the job. Thus showing professional ambition and family loyalty.
Surely they can't change her job because you are appointed?

ScandiGirl10 · 01/02/2018 19:54

Honestly I don’t see why they would make your sister move the a different office? In my company there are a few scenarios where people are in roles more senior than partners/children etc. in the same department. On the very odd occasion where there is genuine conflict of interest (Eg redundancies) that particular individuals outcome would get passed up the chain. Are you in civil service?

Auspiciouspanda · 01/02/2018 19:54

Yeah I wouldn't do something that would negatively affect my sisters life.

FluffyWuffy100 · 01/02/2018 19:59

I think it is crazy to make your sister move office just because you take up a role in the chain of command - it should be fine if 1) you have a good working relationship and don't bring family into work and 2) where there are genuine conflicts of interest (pay, bonus, redundancy, promotion) you step out.

scrabbler3 · 01/02/2018 20:02

Tell your boss what you've told us. It may be possible to organise things so that you have no jurisdiction over her. My ex boss was theoretically senior to her husband and worked on the same floor as him, but they had nothing to do with each other once they stepped out of the lift in the morning. There was no reporting line.

MargeryB · 01/02/2018 20:04

If you getting the role meant she'd effectively loose her job you'd be a total cow to apply. You'd look forward to getting the chance to do the school run at the expense of her no longer being able too?!

There are enough other jobs in the world, get one somewhere else.

MargeryB · 01/02/2018 20:07

The way you add the kids ages in and emphasise yours is younger suggests you feel you have more right to the school run than her, that she has already had her turn at doing that?

khajiit13 · 01/02/2018 20:07

I would definitely apply and interview for it and then see what your options are. You need to find out if it will definitely mean she has to move. Because if she does then I don't think I could do it. It's shitty though

tootiredtospeak · 01/02/2018 20:07

Really surprised you’d rather do that to your sister than explain to your own management the situation. Just the fact your asking for advice means you know your being a bit unreasonable and your poor Mum would she have to take sides. She made the move first I think you’d be being unfair.

blaaake · 01/02/2018 20:12

Don't sacrifice your career by ignoring advice to apply for the promotion. Why should you? It's not like you'd be getting her fired, and you don't know for sure she'd even have to move.