4 year old - emotional issues

[WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe]

I posted earlier in a sub forum but noone replied so I am being very unreasonable and posting here for traffic.

My four year old is showing some behaviours that I am concerned about and wondered if anyone had any ideas or if I should investigate further...

Basically whenever she is nervous, or upset or something new happens (visit new place) or in a crowded place... She will regress emotionally - she will talk like a baby, misbehave, hit out at people, basically act like a 2 year old. She is normally articulate and intelligent. She is very loud and daring, climbing and jumping and seems to have no fear.

Other behaviour that worries me is she makes up elaborate lies/stories, she seems to lack empathy at times - for example her sister was hurt but she was unmoved by seeing her cry and just wanted to get on with the game they were playing. This sort of thing is common with her. Today her brother had a nosebleed and it looked quite terrifying initially but she just looked up and went back to what she was doing.

She also struggles to recall things, her long term memory is fine but if you ask her what she did yesterday she won't be able to tell you and will likely make something up. I know this is common but it's fairly consistent. She is sensitive to loud noises, I have had her hearing checked and it's fine.

Does all this sound like part of her growing up or could there be something else.

Her preschool say she is hitting all the right markers in developing except for emotional development where she struggles to see others viewpoint, have empathy and gets herself very upset over things when they don't go her way.

That all sounds normal to me OP.

Could you ask to speak to a health visitor to put your mind at rest?

Ask preschool if they think it's worth you talking to hv?

Sounds within the bounds of normal to me, especially the memory. How old are her sister and brother?

I think everything she does "naughty" is looking for reassurance. If you can take the focus off the bad behaviour and go a bit OTT on praising good behaviour, snuggling for stories at bedtime, special Mummy-and-DD expeditions or whatever, then she'll gain the confidence to deal with situations she finds challenging, especially LOUD situations.

But yes yy to chatting to hv. If a referral is needed then it would go through them anyway.

Sounds pretty normal to me. 4 is still very little!

Those things all ring a bell for me, but I'm biased and don't have any real experience of what is 'normal'. I would suggest you think about whether she's happy most of the time. If not, ask for a referral to a paediatrician so you know you're doing what you can for her. If she is happy, leave her be and see what happens when she goes to school. I say this because it's unlikely anyone will do anything/investigate anything at this age without concrete evidence of delayed development or serious concerns from preschool.

To hopefully make you less worried OP I'll tell you about my 4-5 year old DD1. (Can't remember the exact age)

My SIl used to mind her whilst I worked. I went to pick her up and asked her if she had a good time? Her reply was no, Aunty X hit me in the head with a hammer. Miraculously the hammer left no mark.

I came home and rang my Mum mortified my DD would lie like that, her reply was "She has a good imagination, she's clever"

DD1 now has a masters degree in law.

Sounds like my 4YO
I used to think she may be a sociopath of psychopath due to the lack of empathy! But, she's changing and her interactions are improving. She's having mini melt downs over small things and really struggling with her feelings - she feels things are very unjust sometimes and yes she's just 4!

I have learnt to remain quiet and calm, get down to her level and tell her that I understand how difficult she is finding things and I'm there to listen and to cuddle etc.

I also distract with something else.

Hope this helps. And my other DD told the school my hubby and I were divorced and did not live together aged 4. They lie. I never believe a word. Just say, "very interesting, I'll talk to Miss X about that," DD usually tells me she imagined it up, then!