To feel out of place within my family?

[FairyOnTheChristmasTree]

My mother and he husband are basically scruffs. I feel bad calling them this but the house is always messy and they don't care. I do try to tidy it but it just gets messed again.

I dreamed when I was a child that I had a childhood where my parents would take me to the park for picnics, that we would go cycling and do other normal things like that. That my mother didn't smoke in front of me when in reality she smoked about 60 a day in my presence.

I wish wecould've dined at the kithen table instead of sofa tv dinners, ate nutritious meals etc. I wish my mum would care more about the world. She doesn't care about the kids in Africa starving, global warming or the general state of the world. She doesn't care about anything except material things. Even now I wish we weren't a 'common', even 'slobby' family. I wish we could say grace before eating, do normal family things and be less common I guess. I know when I have children I'm not going to smoke infront of them (i dont smoke anyway), going to sit them at the table for healthy meals, have them say grace, take them on walks, cycling etc and to the theatre occasionally. I'm going to try to get them in the best schools in the area, even private if I have to.

I dunno, I just feel that I don't want to be part of this common family anymore. Am I weird?

Fairyonthechristmastree, my answer would be no and no you are not weird. If more children grew away from such parenting the world would be a little better each time. Sure there are worse styles of parenting but my answer to you is NO. I wish you luck.

You're not weird, but it does sound like you want to do all these things because of class reasons, not because you specifically want these things.

If it was considered posh to smoke, would you want to smoke, then?

It's better to do the things you want to do, not the things that you think would make you less 'common'.

(And I say this as someone who has ended up very different from the family she grew up in ...)

Hi Fairy.
I always felt out of place with my family too. My mum and sisters (Dad not around) all get on well and have lots in common and I am like the family rebel, or the white sheep of the family. I used to be picked on at school, as we were very poor, never had nice clothes etc. I couldn't ask people for tea as I was so ashamed of our home.
Now I have children of my own I try so hard to give them the normal childhood I never had. This said, your childhood will help you to become a stronger person, driven and focussed to be the best you can be. You remind me so much of myself.
I love my family, and have learned to accept that we are different. I also live very far away from them, which makes it easier! x

Hi Fairy - I'm a bit different to the rest of my family too. I look very different (they all have brown hair and blue eyes to my red hair and green/hazel eyes - same father though!) and have always felt different too. I was teased for being snobby as I have always wanted to talk properly and to further myself in terms of education. I also became a veggie when I was 11 and was teased for that too - my family always used to challenge me for everything "different" that I did and try to catch me out.

I live about 200 miles away from my family now and whilst there are no hard feelings, we're not particularly close. I'm closer to my sister-in-law than to my direct family members to be honest.

I think it's quite normal to feel out of place and to plan how you'd raise your own children differently from how you were raised. I always felt a bit different from my family but we do pull together on major things. We all look (and sound) alike though so it's not always an advantage in that respect.

I think my family have got used to me being a bit of a rebel and doing stuff my way, rather than 'their' way. Not that's it's done me much good but at least I can say it's made my life interesting!