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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change DS's homework without asking teacher?

107 replies

CalcatrippticLego · 01/02/2018 13:51

DS has to read 15 words.
Then write the correct word next to its picture (6 of them)
Then draw and write a word from the list.

He has dyspraxia. Writing is an issue. He constantly has the mickey taken out of him for his lack of drawing skills which he gets from me

He has read his words. He has done the 6 picture words and coloured them in. Would it be totally wrong of me to scan in his worksheet and show him how to search, type and resize a picture to fit the box for the final 6 and then print it out to send in as his homework?

He is desperately unhappy at school. Totally disheartened about his work and abilities. Who needs to draw these days anyway? (Unless you're a teacher or an artist.)

OP posts:
Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 01/02/2018 19:48

His writing is legible. Unlike my typing 😂

OP posts:
heebiejeebie · 01/02/2018 21:55

Physiotherapy is provided for those who're 'a bit shit at walking'. Practice - to improve on what's there and build confidence.

Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 02/02/2018 05:42

But not in front of a class of peers in order to maximise humiliation.

It's not a great comparison. But (as you might have guessed) I'm tired of people describing dyspraxia as being a "bit shit" at doing stuff. It's not. It's far, far more than that. I'm a bit shit at drawing. But I have no physical dificulty in holding a pencil or doing the movements required to use the pencil, (being able to hold my body upright to sit at the table, being able to move my arm). And I have no problem writing. It's just not comparable. On any level. So why is it ok to describe dysparaxia as being a bit shit at something? I can't say I've ever heard anyone describe children with dyslexia as just being a bit shit at reading, they should practice more. It's this attitude which makes out that DS is being lazy becauase his writing doesn't look as neat as the rest of the class. And I hate seeing him fall behind because he has to expend so much more effort for the basic things than the rest of the class do that he has no evergy left for the content of what they are supposed to be learning.

OP posts:
Ikanon · 02/02/2018 06:10

What about agreeing a set amount of time for him to spend on the homework with the teacher and what he does in that time is enough? She will see progress over time as over time he will be able to do incrementally more in the same time period.

BlueMirror · 02/02/2018 09:17

No-one

BlueMirror · 02/02/2018 09:32

There's no reason why you can't find a way to get homework to his teacher without his peers seeing it. Class work is another matter and I would be speaking to the teacher about the others saying unkind things to him. Also practising some comebacks to the unkind comments may help him to find them less upsetting.
If you are persevering with writing then why not drawing? I agree with others that saying 'you don't need to do this' is basically confirming for your child that he's no good at it and there's no point in even trying. Of course he will need extra encouragement and he may not ever be the best drawer in the class. But I'm sure a lot of children with dyslexia are very reluctant readers and most manage to learn. Kids are going to be more reluctant to do stuff that is difficult for them. That doesn't mean you give up. That means you encourage them and give them opportunities to succeed. There have been loads of good suggestions on this thread about how you can tackle the bullying and help your child feel more competent but you don't seem interested in them?
For eg I used to take my son to the art gallery and he would draw stuff inspired by the art. Modern art so spirals, lines any scribbles he could manage. He liked feeling like he could produce something similar to artists and it boosted his confidence. Also the adults pottering around the gallery would tend to be much kinder about his efforts than his friends.
He isn't a great drawer and probably never will be but there has been definite improvement and his stamina has increased.

Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 02/02/2018 10:20

I actually don't think there's any point pushing further with writing. He spent over 10 minutes, doing his absolute best and neatest writing to write DH's birthday card. I cut off DH and DS's names, both are simple 4 letter words. I am going to be asking for a computer for him. Because I don't see how he can learn what he has to if he can't keep the pace.
If homework isn't completed they get sanctioned and have to do it instead of free time.

To change DS's homework without asking teacher?
To change DS's homework without asking teacher?
OP posts:
Toomuchsplother · 02/02/2018 10:34

OP I think you are right. It's not giving up, it using support available to you. Happy for you to message me if you want to, having been where you are now. Good luck.

KateAdiesEarrings · 02/02/2018 10:43

He's had physio and works with an OT. Surely their advice is more valuable than posters on MN who have no idea of your DS' capabilities? They should also be able to provide documentation for the school regarding your DS' homework needs.

Have you sought advice from a support group for parents? You sound very frustrated and I think you need support to adjust to the different expectations you now have for your DS.

Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 02/02/2018 11:23

Well the OT said he must have a low IQ and didn't believe he should be in mainstream school....because he wouldn't draw a picture of a person. So yes, I'll take mumsnet collective over her.
I am frustrated but not with my expectations of DS. With the knowledge he could be learning so much more than he currently is. The last time I wrote anything out of necessity was Christmas cards and even that was only because I couldn't be bothered to get the printer out for the 4 family members who don't have email.

OP posts:
Reallycantbebothered · 02/02/2018 11:35

All 3 of my dcs have either dyspraxia, dyslexia dyscalculia or a mixture of all 3 and the SENCO at eldest dds first secondary school told her she'd be lucky to get a few GCSEs ( this was after having help at primary school for 2 hrs a week to help with spelling )
She still can't remember times tables, has only just learnt to use a watch aged 23... , she's may be 'a bit shit 'at a lot of things but she got 10 A-C GCSE, 4A levels an MA , MSc and is now more qualified than headteacher at this secondary school....so don't feel too downhearted...you know what your child is capable of ....
for years we were so desperate for help and guidance and it's so heartbreaking how little support is out there, we had to fight every inch of the way

KateAdiesEarrings · 02/02/2018 12:49

Sorry, I hoped you might have lucked out with a supportive OT. We have dyslexia in our family. We have been through all of this albeit from a slightly different perspective. Linking into larger education networks was invaluable for us. It helped us to keep abreast of the latest IT developments; app support; education guidelines; latest research.

BlueMirror · 02/02/2018 14:06

Your ds is 8 you say? That is pretty similar to my ds's writing at that age before they switched to cursive which he actually finds easier now he's got used to it. It took him a similar amount of time as well as his hand would ache after writing a few letters. We built his stamina up very gradually and he still isn't required to write as much as the others in his class. There were boys in his class with writing much worse than that though who had no disability.

Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 02/02/2018 14:14

What is the logic behind that BlueMorror? Wouldn't it be better for him to complete the same amount of work as the others? We have a meeting in a few weeks. I want to get my thoughts in order!

OP posts:
BlueMirror · 02/02/2018 14:20

The logic is that he is gradually building up to writing more and strengthening his hand and arm but gradually so it's not causing him pain. He has a writing slope and pencil grip as well.
He's not writing much less than his peers now and considering he couldn't reliably form letters properly at the start of this year and would write with his hand hovering and an immature grip he's doing pretty well.

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 02/02/2018 14:27

Sorry but you're being a bit pathetic.

Its life. Sometimes you're shit at stuff.

I have adhd. Doesnt mean i get a free pass out of doing my taxes, admin, working and household chores.

He should do the drawings.

Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 02/02/2018 14:51

taxes, admin, working and household chores none of that involves writing or drawing though does it! Neither, apart from some chores, is it necessary for a 8 year old to do.

OK, BlueMirror so you're saying it's more important for him to be able to write than it is for him to cover the same material in class as the rest of the children. Thinking using new vocabulary in sentences, science topics covered, times tables, sums etc. Will he not just end up further and further behind? The content of the class, the knowledge and what to do with it is less important than being able to write on paper with a pencil.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/02/2018 14:56

It’s about finding a balance though and often complete avoidance isn’t the best way to go about that.

We are really focusing of Ds fine motor skills at the moment because it isn’t just writing that they are inmortant for really so forgoing one bit doesn’t necessarily help other areas.

BlueMirror · 02/02/2018 15:03

He's in the top set for everything they're streamed for (only English and Maths) so he's not behind where he should be. He can use 'wow' words, adjectives or whatever the lesson objective is and just not write as much for eg. If the teacher says she wants at least 5 sentences before break maybe ds will have to do 2 or 3.
Times tables he practices orally at home and I think they are tested that way too.

Nomad86 · 02/02/2018 15:08

My dd doesn't like to draw anything she's never drawn before so I do it step by step with her. So if we're drawing a cat, I'll draw the head and she copied, then the body etc. Or maybe he could trace some pictures using baking paper?

Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 02/02/2018 15:37

BlueMirror do you think you would feel the same if he was at the bottom of the class and struggling to keep up? I would have thought it more beneficial to have more practice at using e.g. adjectives correctly.

All tests are written tests. The answers have to fit into a box so he's in the (what I find) ludicrous situation where he knows the answer, but also knows that he can't write the word in the box because his handwriting is too large. So he refuses to complete the test. The teachers won't enlarge the paper because all children have to do the same test and they don't want to single him out in front of the others.

Jamiefraserskilt These were things he needed to survive education. That's how we feel at the moment. Instead of focusing on his gaining an education, we have to focus on getting him through the system with as little psychological damage as possible. When you have sat with a child for a whole afternoon whilst they struggle to complete a half hour homework piece, when you have calmed their anger and frustration for the umpteenth time, coaxed and encouraged, done release movements every ten minutes to keep their hand from cramping up completely and congratulated them on completing the work that they know they are going to get teased about you missed out dodging the objects and punches being thrown at you, and continued reassurance to your younger child, who starts next year, that school isn't so bad...

Toomuchsplother My son was diagnosed at 8. His OT said that there was going to be some improvement in his writing, fine motor skills but actually never enough to cope with the ever growing demands of the school curriculum. This is a concern of mine. And a sentence that I'm going to steal to ask about when we meet with the teachers.

OP posts:
pupchewsleg · 02/02/2018 17:14

Does your DS get much individual or small group support?
DS1 does several small groups (outside the classroom) doing exercises suggested by the OT and other fine motor activities. Perhaps he is lucky that there are 2 children with statements (autism) in his class so the small group work is partly provided through their funding and he is tagged onto it. His handwriting, and the ease of doing it, has improved massively. He does still hate writing and frequently gets tearful about doing h/w, but he is much more capable.

Toomuchsplother · 02/02/2018 18:49

OP steal away and good luck .

Original poster
CalcatrippticLego · 02/02/2018 20:01

6 hours a week. The TA is classified as a classroom assistant for 3 and 3 1-1. I have my doubts as to how it is used and as to her efficacy (I was invited to sit in on a 1-1 maths lesson and had to correct what she was teaching him). They are trying to encourage his independence. Which I assume translates as they are using her as a classroom assistant for more than 3 hours a week. Whilst he has been awarded extra help, they won't do any specific exercises with him (e.g. ones advised for dyscalculia) because he doesn't have a specific diagnosis (yet).

OP posts:
Apple23 · 03/02/2018 03:15

You have 3 issues:

  1. The homework - get your son to spend a reasonable amount of time on this. If he has tried his best and not got to the picture then leave it and write a note to explain he has done his best. If there is still time or he is keen to produce a 'finished' piece of work, and all credit to him if this is the case, then get him to trace or print out either a line drawing for him to colour or a finished picture to stick in.

In general, he should be expected to be put in a similar amount of effort as any other child and if that doesn't allow him to produce the same volume of work that reflects his academic ability as everyone else, then he needs an alternative way of recording his efforts.

  1. His unhappiness and attitude of the other children - request a meeting with the class teacher so they are aware and can address this.
  1. School meeting his needs - meet with SENCo and class teacher about what Reasonable Adjustments school are putting in place for the tasks he finds physically difficult and Interventions to address the learning needs.

You could combine these meetings into one, but talking about meeting his needs would be more productive when you and the SENCo have had and read the Ed Psych report, and I wouldn't wait until then to address my child's unhappiness in school.

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