How to help me help my cat.

[arghh21]

So 9 yrs ago I got lovely little kitten & we have a really good bond.

However since I had children (3 & 1 year old) he has never been the same. I was hoping he would grow out of it/adjust but he really hasn’t. He pretty much spends all day hiding somewhere & pulling out his hair. My 3 year old is very careful with animals & has a lovely relationship with our other cat. I tend to not let the 1 year old get to close as he’s still learning boundaries. My children aren’t particularly noisy nor do they cry a lot but cat1 is so nervy all the time.

I’ve tried Feliway but no avail & the vet hasn’t been that helpful. Am I being selfish keeping him in this environment? I can’t bear the idea of giving him to someone else.

Does he go outside?

Does he have lots of 'safe spaces' away from the children? Like your room, under a bed, or up high somewhere?

Yes magnetic cat flap so access to the garden whenever he wants although he was never an outdoorsy cat. He tends to live under my bed, doesn’t go near the kids rooms. If he’s in the kitchen it will be under the table or behind the sofa in the living room. He doesn’t relax even once the kids are in bed.

Does he have high places to go to be safe and out of reach of the kids? Jackson Galaxy always seems to recommend shelving that cats can jump up onto and use to move around a bit while knowing they cant be reached by grabbing hands.

Hmm. My first thought was Feliway but I see you've already tried that.

You mentioned you have more than one cat. Do you have enough litter boxes and resting places etc for each cat? If not that can sometimes contribute to stress.

I'd recommend creating a 'cat safe' space in the house, if you can. Somewhere the children can't get to. Do you have a room you can make super cat friendly, with a cat tree and lots of toys and nice hiding places etc that's off limits to the kids? He/she might be happier knowing he's got a guaranteed safe space to retreat to. You could get a catnip spray to use in there - spray it on the scratching tree etc. The smell is very attractive to cats and might entice him in to start using the space.

Can you try getting your kids to gently coax him with some nice treats etc and try to bond with him a little more?

We have book shelves & hall storage he could go on. The younger cat likes to nap here or on top of the kitchen cupboards. Cat1 doesn’t use them I don’t think think he climbed at all when young.

Literally as soon as he hears a child he vanishes (to my room) so they really do have very little contact.

BexConnor The Feliway worked for a little bit which was so nice but now has little effect, maybe since the arrival of DC2.

We don’t have litter trays as they use the flap, the cats share a large bed thing & get on pretty well. I could move some toys, get a bed for our room as he tends to go there anyway & the children don’t. We used catnip toys before but not had much of reaction.

Good idea about trying to get them to bond. Cat1 is just so skittish now eg I might coax him out from a hiding place but a neighbour could slam a door & he’s off like a shot.

Cats normally hide away for 2 reasons, illness or stress. If its definitely not illness, then I would guess it's stress. Does he ever urinate outside of his litter box?

Do you ever spend any time playing with him? Playing can help a cat relax and de stress. Does he have a scratching post? Cats scratch not only for claw maintenance but also to scent mark. Any perching posts in the livingroom where he can climb away from your little ones?

Some cats like some people can be more sensitive than others, you could always talk to a cat behaviourist. Good luck 😺

I do wonder if your kitty is feeling displaced etc and doesn't know where he fits in the family now. He was your 'baby' for six years and suddenly (to him) your children have come along and he doesn't know what to make of it all.

Lots of treats/attention etc especially when the kids are around. Perhaps he just needs to associate the children with something nice.

I suspect after 3 years this may take some time and patience. We had a VERY nervous cat from a rescue centre many years ago and she learned to be fine with us but never really did learn to tolerate loud outside noises, strangers in the house, etc. She lived to 18!

Good luck.

Thank you all. I will try to set out time to play with him. He does have a scratching post & places to perch in the living room. He’s definitely stressed and with hindsight I do think he’s very sensitive.

I grew up with a rescue cat who went from crazy psycho to quite nice so I will persevere.

Hi OP, having exactly the same problem. My youngest cat (6) will come for a fuss once DD is in bed but it doesn’t seem to be enough to calm her, and I don’t let DD anywhere near her but as soon as cat sees DD she legs it.
Feliway and even having the loft bedroom to escape to don’t seem to help (when oldest cat has had enough he buggers off to his “second family” across the road 😂)

Don’t know what to do.

Good luck and hope your kitty calms down.

Do you spend time in your room with him fussing and bonding with him, making him feel special? It’s worth putting I. Some time to be affectionate with him alone and away from the children so he knows you still love him.

I’d also get him a separate place to sleep as we have 3 and they don’t like to share.