To not want to speak to my partner when he’s drunk

[Kazarooney]

I don’t live with my partner we speak every night. Every couple of weeks he will ring me and he’s clearly been drinking ,he will ask me the same questions repeat himself and forget what I’ve told him . Last night we attempted to discuss holidays I told him there was no point if he had been drinking and that in future I’d rather not speak to him when he’s has a drink

I was married to an alcoholic for ten years and am quite sensitive to being around drunk people. I drink very little myself as I get such bad hangovers but will he drunk on nights out which are few and far between . AIBU to not speak to him to him when drunk, is it normal for people to drink alone in the week he has a very stressful job working with difficult people (clients not cooworkers) and likes a few glasses of wine in the evening as I drink so little I have no idea what is” normal”

I know exactly what you mean. I do the same. There is just no point. I hate it.

What's his job got to do with drinking?

With you all the way. My lovely, kind, amusing husband turns into a monster when he's drunk, hence he no longer drinks.

Presumably he finds it stressful and drinks to unwind, @runningoutofcharge.

So, I get that he's drunk on week evenings regulary? Cause that would be quite offputting I think.

I wouldn't be comfortable being in a relationship with someone who was drunk in the evening on a regular basis from drinking alone due to "work stress". That sounds like he has a problem with alcohol OP.

I also have a stressful job dealing with difficult people all day long and am under massive pressure. It's exhausting and I feel drained by it. But I don't sit at home getting drunk on my own to feel better.

I don't think it is normal to be drunk on your own several nights a week. That is worrying that he drinks to such an extent he can't remember conversations on a regular basis.

As you know from your previous relationship no good will come from this. I'm still in my first relationship with a partner and his first love, drinking, but when I'm out of it I won't be with another man who does this.

Drinking to that extent ( brain damage, maybe temporary) isn't good. I'm afraid you've got another one choosing booze over life.

Jettison.

NYANBU. Get the hell out of this relationship. I wonder if you suffer from low self esteem? Why allow history to repeat itself? He's definitely abusing alcohol.You deserve better than this girl.

That is absolutely normal
I'm in the same position, we live apart and speak every night and now he knows that if he is drunk when he rings it won't be a long call as there's no point!
Does he object or something because my partner understands
He will still ring when he is drunk sometimes but then we have the proper phone call the next day

The OP says it's once every couple of weeks, not that it's every night or several nights a week. And therefore it is normal - whether that in itself is a good or bad thing is down to personal opinion.

However given the past I totally get why the OP doesn't want to speak to him when he's drunk. OP have you talked to him about this when he's sober? Taking it up with him when he's already drunk isn't going to help.