To tell friend's exH about money deceit?

[Pandoraphile]

Normally I'm a "not my circus, not my monkeys" type of person but I've thought about this for a few days and I'm so disgusted that I really don't know what to do.

In a nutshell - friend split with her exH, he cashed in his pension and used his savings to help her buy a house so that their dd would have a safe, secure home. The deal was that she would sell it when dd turned 18 or a new bf moved in and pay him back the money she borrowed in full.

Instead of honouring this, she has told him that she sold the house, it went very cheaply for way under market value so there was no way she could pay him back. And that she now rented it from the new owner. Except that's a total lie, it hasn't been sold - or ever on the market! - she's just concocted this huge lie to avoid paying him £1000s back.

As I say, I'm so disgusted by this that I really don't know what to do. And fwiw I think the friendship is done too. I just can't get past this. It's not an isolated event either, she's constantly borrowing money and never paying it back.

So, vipers, what's the consensus??

Surely he can see from Zoopla if the house was ever sold? He can't be that stupid.

Surely he could check the land registry at see who owns it.

If he just accepted her word then he's a fool.

You probably don't know the whole story

If its in the uk it should be pretty easy for him to find out whether the house has been sold and for how much eg using Zoopla etc

but I have no idea how any deal they had made between would be enforced unless they had a legal agreement made at the time of the money being given

Well, that's a really easy lie to uncover and I'd think he was daft to fall for it - I'd check the land registry website if I was in his position.

Are you likely to cross paths with the ExH? Could you suggest he checks in s roundabout way?

'I'm really surprised it didn't sell for more - what did the land registry say it sold for when you checked?'

Is something like that possible?

If he didn't get a proper legal agreement and a charge over the property so he would have to be bought out when she sold, then he's daft.
As you sure what she's told you is true?

She may have her reasons. Has he defaulted on cm? Has she lost money in the past because of him? What is her justification when she told you?
Even if she is unjustified, is it really your role to get involved?

She's from and in the UK, he isn't.

No he hadn't defaulted on any maintenance payments (he pays school fees in lieu of child support).

It truly is just her demonstrating a pattern of behaviour. But a few silly decisions pale in comparison to this deceit.

I don't know if it would be right to get involved. I'm so outraged that I don't know if I'm thinking clearly.

Yes, I see a fair amount of the ex when he's visiting because we live very close. There's no animosity between them.

Having slept on it I've decided against telling her ex. It would just blow up a whole load of trouble and it isn't my place. I am going to speak to her about it, though.

I am going to speak to her about it, though.

Why are you getting involved?

To see if there's a way out of this self destructive path she's on. I'll question her gently if it feels right at the time. No shouts or recriminations, I just want her to be thinking about her behaviour on a conscience level.

The answer to your question? I care about her.

*conscious that should say!

I definitely wouldn't get involved because you probably don't know all the facts. If they were married, she would have been entitled to at least half their capital, including his pension and savings.

So saying that he cashed that to give her a 'loan' alone doesn't ring right. Maybe she agreed to pretending it was a loan so that she could get out and get a place of her own quickly without issues, and then made up this story so that he believes there is nothing to claim.

If this is true, he doesn't sound too clued up, firstly if he believed that his pension/savings were his only, and second if he didn't think he needed to get her to sign a loan agreement.