To ask for your tips on being positive

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I've always been a very negative person. I figured out early on that if I expected the worst outcome, I wouldn't be so disappointed. This philosophy has stuck with me.

My life does seem packed with disappointment and being let down. Nothing I look forward to ever really happens.

It's affecting my life in all areas though. I feel bitter and angry inside all the time, which then makes me feel like a horrible person to be around.

At work, I'm defensive and grumpy. In relationships I'm negative and probably miserable. I hate myself for it but I can't stop it.

This year I wanted to try to be more positive and I'm wondering if my negativity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I'm really struggling. Already I've had another man disappointment, snapped at my colleague and upset them and this week all my social plans have fallen through.

I'm back into old habits of not sleeping, eating or looking after myself. I spend all my time ruminating over what has gone wrong or what could go wrong.

I'm only 27 but my spirit feels old and haggard.

I have an image in my head of how
I want to come across, but my reality behaviour is so far removed from this.

So what are your tips on being a positive person? How Can I force it until it happens?

Would you consider CBT? (cognitive behaviour therapy) Your therapist will talk things over with you and design a step by step program from where you are now to a goal that you feel is achievable.
Once you understand that process, you can do it yourself most of the time from then on.

Learn to 'self soothe', and to please yourself. If other people let you down over plans, do something else, even if it means going to the cinema or a gallery by yourself. You can choose not to let it upset you.

Find at least one interest that you enjoy. then find the online group for that interest and join in.

At home, do things you enjoy. Read, knit, photoshop, whatever. Don't sit around getting upset about other people behaviour, concentrate on developing your sense of self. You need to like yourself for other people to like you.

After years of sadness and abuse, I escaped - only to be burgled by furniture delivery men. I've since learnt there are kind people out there, even when I don't feel I can trust anyone ever again.

Try stepping in your colleagues' shoes and seeing their point of view. Take any criticisms real or imagines, as opportunities to improve. Don't take things too personally or imagine you're being attacked. You're being negative because you're unhappy so don't be too hard on yourself. You need hugs! And someone non-judgemental who will listen to you. Have you considered counselling?

No one person can be everything to you so YOU have to be the best friend to yourself. When your spirits dip and you find you're not looking after yourself, imagine yourself being that loving friend; the one who's always concerned about your well-being. Does that make sense? Treat yourself kindly. (I've had to take my own advice and start eating properly because otherwise, I won't be able to cope.)

If plans fall through, make more. Go to places on your own. It might feel awkward at first but you'll feel more confident and independent. Even a brisk walk in the rain can do wonders!

I think it's normal to feel negative given the way things are in the world. It's a way of surviving. Maybe concentrate on moments that give you joy or peace of mind: music, a sudden burst of sunlight, smell of the sea...whatever gives you balance, however small, will help lift your spirits.

The older I get, the more I believe that how we feel isn't so much about what is going on in our lives, it really is more about how we actually feel, physically. So I would say, really look after yourself physically. Healthy food, enough sleep, and lots of exercise - exercise is so important for mood.

And if you think a negative thought, say it out loud in a very silly voice. That really helps. (Um ... if you are alone, I mean.)

I have a tendency to general gloom, and those things help me.

... and oh my god, you are only 27! I would kill to be 27 again. Time is on your side.

Every week (or even day) write down what's been good or gone well or made you feel happy. No negative or "but" type things allowed - just the good.

When you think you've written everything down, write two more things down.

Do this as a habit. It will help.

Good on you for recognising what’s going on and resolving to change!

I think you probably need some support in this - seek out a local mindfulness coach? I’m only saying this based on meeting one in a pub :) but he made a load of sense!

My other tip is to make your world as big as possible... my DB and DM tend toward negativity, and I have a suspicion it’s linked to just not getting out/having new experiences much.

Have a look at this website www.solutionstoallyourproblems.com/how-to-stop-ruminating/