To think this is inappropriate in work?

[MoanyMoana]

Ok I'm a crank and maybe I am unreasonable ! I work and have worked with many people who seem to use work as some kind of counselling service. They give out too much information! For example one always moans about money and lists every bill she has to pay and the amount yawn. The other tells us all about her son and how she thinks he's gay. Another starts divulging abusive things that happened and it makes others uncomfortable. Is it just me who thinks ?

I dont usually mind. I believe its better for mental health to share problems openly and not treat them like dirty secrets. I may be an oversharer though.

People say stuff.

By that i mean just being naturally open. Though some topics are off limits like sex life or bowel problems should be quiet. Anything else i dont see a problem with discussing at work.

I don't think things should be a dirty secret I just find the over information sharing uncomfortable. It's also boring

I think you have the problem. Why can't you just politely ignore it/not engage/let the people who are interested listen?

You sound unhappy yourself

My office had a bridezilla at the moment. She’s utterly painful.

At least your stuff sounds kind of interesting!

Some people call it 'conversation'.

Just change the subject is all we can suggest. I know way too much about all my colleagues. I just laugh it off or change the subject.

Yabu. Unless it's illegal like racism/sexism etc then you should butt out. Seriously are you gonna be that person in the office complaining about other people's everyday conversations.

I'm not unhappy I just don't see why people bring things up out the blue and moan about money like they're the only ones. Also discussing potentially triggering topics in work is a bit

So whats on the list of your preapproved conversation topics?

It’s called engaging in conversation. Glad I don’t work in an office with you tbh!

I don't mind that but I'm probably an over sharer myself. When you spend so long sitting next to people you do tend to share details about your life I think.

Op i hear you. Ive learned to let it wash over me and happily leave other willing parties to be the wailing wall. Folk need to vent but im no therapist.

None of that would bother me. We discuss all manner of things at work and obviously some share more than others.

You can always disengage and bury your head in your work.

Thanks phoneix. I don't have pre approved lists of conversation at all

If they've been abused then they're a victim. They probably aren't considering that it's a triggering topic!

Maybe the one with money worries wants someone to say that it's not just them.

It’s a good job you don’t work in my office, you’d hate it!

No the lady with money worries tells us were all ok because we're married

I don’t like people oversharing with large groups. Colleagues discussing their sex lives-no thanks. Childbirth stories over lunch? Errr please no. Private conversations can be about anything you like of course, but public ones in the staffroom/over lunch? Keep it neutral!

I agree with Pink, you'd hate my work too. We are close and tell each other a lot about our lives. It's a lovely supportive place to work. I'd hate to work with someone who wasn't interested in listening to others.

Rather depends on what the work is - if it is something you can do whilst chatting - maybe hairdressing or something - or if it is a job you need to be concentrating on a report you are writing or something.

I empathise! There’s a lovely young lady in my department who was, I think, trying to use me as a counsellor. I am in no way qualified. I persuaded her to go for CBT, I was worried about saying the wrong thing/accidentally triggering her. She still comes to me, I’m sympathetic, but as her boss, I need to keep a professional distance whilst being understanding. When she was at her worst, it was taking up a lot of time which I needed to do my work.

Constant moaning is very wearing. I try not to offload at work. I just don’t think it’s appropriate.

With you OP
Can you do headphones?

Obviously there has to be a balance but generally I love a bit of work chat!

I spend eight hours a day together with my colleagues so it's nice to get to know them as people.

Imagine how lonely a job where no-one says a word to you all day would be?