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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DS is capable of babysitting until 2am.

52 replies

splodge2001 · 31/01/2018 17:42

I am thinking of modifying the current babysitting arrangements (DS 16 DD 8) which consist of DM babysitting with 12am curfews. These never work well if we want to go out dancing and we either return just after 12am - grumpy or later with a grumpy DM.

I was thinking of asking DM to babysit until 12am and then leave, leaving a couple of hours for DS to be asleep in bed, theoretically "in charge". I would of course tell DS and make sure he knew what to do in an emergency. We live in a block of flats in Central London so would brief him.

Is 16 old enough?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 31/01/2018 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redwineistasty · 31/01/2018 19:03

As francis says... what kind of bedtime routine does your 8yr old have?.... She should be pretty independent at getting herself sorted by now.

Ginseng1 · 31/01/2018 19:12

Our babysitters are 15/16/17. Sure why don't you try him out for couple hours at first? Go out 9 to 11 for a drink or something to eat local? I'd say most 16 yr olds be embarrassed to need a babysitter! And no I wouldn't make him stay up but most teens if left will stay up on their tablets Netflix anyway!

BellyBean · 31/01/2018 19:15

Perhaps have DM there til 9pm to make sure DD is definitely asleep for now, but he should help you with bedtime so he knows what to do.

NoMoreUsernames · 31/01/2018 19:19

Can't your DD stay at your DM's?

IDefinitelyWould · 31/01/2018 19:22

At 16 I used to babysit two boys age 1 and 4. I would do all their bath/bedtime routine and get them in bed then watch telly/sleep on the sofa until the parents came home around 2am. If you are unsure I would do What pp suggested and start by leaving them 7-9, 7-10, 7-12 etc.

I was 18 when I moved out and lived independently, your ds should be capable at 16 really.

FrancisCrawford · 31/01/2018 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleCrowbar · 31/01/2018 19:37

My dc are 13, 11 & 9.

I happily leave them to put themselves to bed if I'll be going out. Neighbours on call (2 sets, both with younger kids, ds sometimes babysit for them with ME on call).

We have sensible house rules e.g. I feed everyone before going out or leave snacks so no cooking. No expectation that ds polices his sisters' bedtime - they are expected to be in bed by agreed time & to get themselves there.

All dc aware that any issues = I can't go out without paying a sitter = less money for treats.

It's honestly been fine.

Agree with PPs that you should start training up the 16yo! Start with a meal out & back by midnight. 8yo should be encouraged to sort out her own bedtime routine, so her brother is the 'adult' but shouldn't need to have to put her to bed.

Admittedly, we are overseas where dc are a tad less helicoptered than in the UK; we live in a gated compound, & neighbours are good friends who pop head in to ensure all is well. But I happily stay out until a bit after midnight having received my text from ds at 10pm that all is well, everyone settled in bedrooms, house not on fire & no mad axemen have stormed the house.

I really think an 8yo should be able to get herself to bed & a 16yo supervise. But definitely work up to it if that isn't currently the case.

Original poster
splodge2001 · 31/01/2018 19:49

Hmm - interesting responses. I'm considering them all. No problem with mates - his friends live miles away and these Central London kids are odd by national standards. He gets himself to school and back by tube but has never been to a party - not coz he has no friends but at his school they're so spread out that there's no point. He's been to Westfield to the cinema and that's it. Good point about boiling an egg though. DD knows more about the kitchen - and it's not coz of our gender bias, she's always been interested in cooking whereas DS is so not interested! Before anyone mentions it DH does all the washing and most of the cleaning so it's not like we have a stereotypically gendered house! I think we need to start somewhere and a half way house seems like a good idea for us all to get used to it. I just tried him opening the window in their room that leads to the fire escape. He can do that at least!

OP posts:
SweetMoon · 31/01/2018 19:58

I don't think you're giving him enough credit really. He's 16. And at 8 your dd can surely get herself ready for bed and then your dd can just read her story and tuck her in. My dd (14) puts ds (4) to bed sometimes when I need her to babysit. And then goes to bed herself if I'm not back by certain time. She does know how to boil an egg though Wink

Pengggwn · 31/01/2018 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 31/01/2018 20:50

If he's happy and being paid, 16 is absolutely fine to babysit.

If he's not happy to do it or gets no choice, then that's very different as his younger sibling is not his responsibility.

MojoMoon · 31/01/2018 20:55

At 16, I was back and forth from Hammersmith to Hackney on the night bus to see friends or for part time work so I think the fact he has only ever been to Westfield alone suggests he does need a bit more of a shove towards independence.

I babysat overnight from 16 onward for some families, cooked a basic dinner and breakfast for the kids as well. I also tutored primary school kids.

He could join the army and father children at this age.

You should pay him something though. Also teach him something about it earning money and withdraw some of it if the flat is left untidy etc when you get back.

Flisspaps · 31/01/2018 21:03

Why would he need to stay up in case of a fire?

Do you/DH stay up? Confused

Original poster
splodge2001 · 31/01/2018 21:27

No I'm not thinking he should stay up really - was thinking out loud. Have just sellotaped a window key in the corner of the window for easy access in case they can't get out of the kitchen fire door. I do think for whatever reason girls are just a bit more grown up at this age. I do wish he had been in the scouts however. When he did DofE he came back not knowing how to map read coz "someone else did that". He's not exactly motivated or interested in much apart from reading graphic novels and listening to Eminem, hence being on the fence about whether he's old enough. I've yet to see him spring to attention.

OP posts:
DialsMavis · 31/01/2018 21:31

I leave DS 15 to babysit DD 7, its fine . I d make him text me periodically though. But have started staying out v late now he ia used to it

gateto · 31/01/2018 21:37

I'm thinking you're focusing on a fire here quite a lot. I get that its important but I wouldn't make it so much of an issue that you're scared to leave a 16 year old for the evening.

If he does go to sleep, he will subconsciously sleep a little lighter anyway if he knows you are coming home and that he is looking after his little sister, its what humans are wired to do!

It will all be fine im sure!

Macaronibaloni · 31/01/2018 21:43

At 15/16 I was babysitting under 5s. But I was very mature for my age - it's really down to you he is old enough but it's just wether you think he is mature enough to handle the situation and if he feels comfortable with it. I would suggest maybe putting your daughter to bed so she's asleep and then leaving I'm sure your son would be ok with that x

Balibabe1 · 31/01/2018 21:44

Are you going to pay him? And does he want to do this? In the next year he will want to be out on hisown/ living his life, will that affect you and your lifestyle?
I am personally dry opposed to parents using older siblings as regular childcare, having been in that situation as the carer myself.

123bananas · 31/01/2018 21:44

He will be fine. At 15 I was looking after young babies and up to 3 small children sometimes until the wee hours when their parents came home drunk from parties. I was probably more capable than them in an emergency at that point in time!

Balibabe1 · 31/01/2018 21:45

Really not dry 😡

Original poster
splodge2001 · 31/01/2018 22:06

I didn't think about money! Mainly coz my mother will be doing most of the childcare - he'll be "on call" and hopefully there won't be a fire but since we're in a block of flats......and Grenfell. I just thought we could probably do with a torch in there too!

OP posts:
Saracen · 31/01/2018 22:31

I agree with most everybody else. Unless there are major ructions between the siblings, your ds should be quite capable of looking after his little sister when she's awake and getting her off to bed. No point bothering granny over it.

If he has to look after her while she is awake, or if he has to make a commitment to stay in on a particular night when he might otherwise have chosen to go out, you should recognise that in some way, perhaps by paying him.

scrabbler3 · 31/01/2018 23:12

I was wondering whether Grenfell was on your mind but didn't like to ask. I completely understand why you are fretting. However, you need to live your life and you need to instil some confidence and independence in DS, who's pretty much a young man not a child. Your mum needn't be involved now, unless DS is unavailable or unwell.

BecomingAdultly · 31/01/2018 23:20

Have you thought about signing up your son to NCS? They spend a week doing adventure stuff, a week living in uni halls learning how to cook using a budget, apply for jobs and university and then another week volunteering closer to home.

Unless he's SEN he really should be able to look after himself. At 16 I was working as an Au Pair on a different continent. What does he do when he gets hungry during the day?

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