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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use this name??

27 replies

Readytopop12 · 31/01/2018 15:27

I'm due a baby soon Grin
The boys name my DH really wants is his grandad's name. It's a popular, top 20 boys name. Only problem is my cousin (mum's sisters son) has already used his name for his DS.
I never see my cousin or his DS (once in last 5 years) and am only likely to see them in the future at big family events eg. weddings and funerals.
However, my DM is fairly close to her sister and I think my DM thinks it's not right to use the name.
My DHs name would be the middle name as per family tradition so using the name as a middle name is not an option (I'm not into more than one middle name). We had others on the short list but nothing we love as much as this and it would mean the world to my DH to use his grandad's name (he died of cancer a few years ago).
I figure as we never see my cousin and it's a popular name anyway we aren't BU but I know my mum is uncomfortable with it...
Opinions??

OP posts:
Bunbunbunny · 31/01/2018 15:30

Er this is your & your DH DS not your DM. If you like the name and it means a lot to your DH it doesn’t matter what your DM thinks.

Your DM will just need to get over it

Rebeccaslicker · 31/01/2018 15:32

I agree, call him what you like!!

But if there's an alternative spelling or something that would do the trick, you could consider that?

SoFancy · 31/01/2018 15:33

I come from a big Irish family and I have three male first cousins with the same name and two pairs of female cousins who share names.

Go for it! It’s never even raised and eyebrow in my family.

SherbertLemon2011 · 31/01/2018 15:42

Well it isn't your mother's choice but...

First name - dh choice (dh family name)
Middle name - dh name/choice (dh family tradition)
Surname - dh's?

Is the baby going to have dh surname too? If so that is a lot from dh's side/his choice and maybe your dm feels like your views or your family are not represented at all. Is dh's grandfather's name your favourite boys name? Yes it might mean a lot to him but what about you?

HollyBayTree · 31/01/2018 15:44

I would use it if they aren't going to be in the same social circles

Helllllooooooo · 31/01/2018 15:48

I wouldn’t... my cousin did the same thing and it really got my goat. She said she was going to call him AJ anyway... never heard him called AJ in my life.

nailyourcolours · 31/01/2018 15:49

Call him what you like. If your mother doesn't like it, tough.She's had her turn at naming babies!

Harsh maybe but it's YOUR BABY'S NAME and no one else should be crass enough to even offer an opinion.

(My MIL told me that she was "pleased" that I hadn't chosen "a stupid name" for my child. Taken aback, I replied "Oh, do you think the names in your family are stupid then?" Blush )

Original poster
Readytopop12 · 31/01/2018 15:49

sherbertlemon our DDs name has strong links to my mums side of the family, obviously apart from surname, which is my DHs (we are married).
It is our favourite name and no hollybay they won't be in same circles, we only see them at weddings etc.
I should say we don't know the sex of the baby so might not be an issue! But I want to be sure before the birth!

OP posts:
LostThePhone · 31/01/2018 15:49

Use the name. DH has cousins with the same name. Never been a problem.

PookyHook · 31/01/2018 15:51

I would go ahead and use it. Especially since the name has an important meaning to your DH.

My brother has the same first name as three of our first cousins. Two of them have the same surname as him. They were named after my granddad who died when my dad was young.

My sister will probably end up calling her first son the same name as my eldest, because her DP wants to name his son after his best friend who died. I think it's more important that he gets to name his child after his friend than it is to avoid cousins having the same name.

MiddleClassProblem · 31/01/2018 15:52

Did the grandad have a middle name?

It depends on the family. If it was cousins on my mum’s side it would be odd as very close but on my dad’s it’s just family events etc so we can not see each other for a couple of years so it wouldn’t be an issues.

I think your reasoning is valid enough for it to not be an issues.

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 15:53

Use the name, your mother is being unreasonable expecting you not to when you're not even close to these people

IShouldntPostBut · 31/01/2018 16:01

I have a quite unusual first name. Which my aunt (DM's SIL) gave to her child a few months later. My DM still fusses about it!

On the other hand, everyone in my family has two middle names. So either drop it in there, or stand with DH.

If the worst thing that ever happens is a bit of fuss over names, you'll have a very happy life!

MyKingdomForBrie · 31/01/2018 16:02

Your mum will get over it! Definitely use it.

SundaySalon · 31/01/2018 16:02

Use it! Especially if you both love the name.
I had my heart set on a boys name since I was little, it’s quite a traditional English name nothing particularly special about it. I was gutted when someone in DHs family called their child it (way before me and DH were ready for children). When we got pregnant I actually spoke to them and said I hoped they didn’t mind us using it too because everything else just didn’t sound right to me. They couldn’t have cared less, said they couldn’t believe we had actually asked. We told their little one that we were going to name our baby after him and gave him a little gift, he was over the moon. They are thick as thieves now and we call them Big X and Little X.

Use the name!! You will regret it if you don’t.

inappropriateraspberry · 31/01/2018 16:03

My DH's cousin named their LG the same as our daughter about a year after us. I think it's a bit odd, but like you, we don't see them often, only at weddings etc. Can't say it upset me, decided to take it as a compliment that they liked it so much when our dd was born, they had to use it as well!

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 31/01/2018 16:06

Use the names you want.

My ds has essentially the same name as my sister's ds (think tom/thomas, will/william). I agonized over it and even had a thread on it here as the name is very important to both dh and me and was always going to be our ds's name if we had one (but dsis beat me to it!). Anyway, long story short, I spoke to her about it and she was a bit Confused that I'd bothered to ask her, but utterly delighted, as was her ds. Grin

EnglishRose13 · 31/01/2018 16:09

My son has the same first name as a relative, but is not named after him. There is also a relative with the female version of the name.

I got a few comments such as "thanks for naming your baby after me!" but it was said in jest.

No one owns a name. There were so few boys names I actually like that I wouldn't have cared anyway.

Use the name.

Lndnmummy · 31/01/2018 16:12

Use it. My cousin (who I never see) has a son with the same name as mine. Not an issue as we never socialise.

Original poster
Readytopop12 · 31/01/2018 16:12

Thanks for all the replies! I'm glad I'm not being really unreasonable. We always wanted this name and was gutted when my cousin got in there first! Tbh we only had one other boys name on the shortlist but it made for an unfortunate initial combination so wasn't ideal either!

OP posts:
FadedRed · 31/01/2018 16:14

Just the same as SoFancy, my large family have lots of 'repeated' names. I've got a cousin with the same name, DSis has at least three, and my parents siblings have named their children after GP's so lots of repeated names, differentiated by 'Old Tom', 'young Tom' 'Red Tom' 'Dublin Tom' (names changed to protect the guilty innocent) IYSWIM.
Call your child what you want, as pp's say, you'll always have a little regret if you don't.

BewareOfDragons · 31/01/2018 16:21

It's none of your mum's business what you call your child. None.

HildaZelda · 31/01/2018 16:26

Use the name OP. If you rarely see the other child with the same name and his mum, then your DM is being a bit unfair, especially if it's a popular name in general.
The only other thing though, with it being a popular name is that your DC might end up in a class where loads of kids have the same name.

ExConstance · 31/01/2018 16:27

Mums can be very funny. Mine was a bit put out when we used the same name as my father's secretary's grandson, who was born 6 months earlier.

UnsuspectedItem · 31/01/2018 16:27

Crikey, use the name OP!
I thought you were gonna say you wanted to call your new baby Sir Mixalot or something!

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