How would you deal with this?

[Namechangeuser]

As to avoid a massive drip feed I will try to summarize a huge back story.

Essentially, I have no relationship with my grandmother (dad's mum), we were once close, however following the death of my dad at a very young age, she never got over it (as is to the be expected) and her grief has manifested into anger towards myself and my sister.

I have been no contact with her for nearly 4 years after she was over heard at my wedding saying the most disgusting things about myself and husband which were all fabricated.

Anyway...today I have received a birthday card from her to my daughter. It's her first birthday and she has sent a cheque along with a note dictating how it be spent, eg buy her something with it or pay into her bank account. Of course these are the only options, but my Nan has such a low opinion of me for absolutely no reason, that she believes i would probably spend it on myself which is why the blunt note accompanying it. I would never ever do this.

She doesn't ask how she is, how I am, make any reference to wanting any kind of relationship, it's just cold.

I don't want to accept the cheque. I would rather an apology for her awful behaviour and for her to perhaps actually show an interest in my daughter. She has never asked about her, I am pregnant again and she has never once asked how I am. She could reach out and never has, yet thinks she can just send cards like nothing has happened and I find it infuriating.

What would you do? Do I pay the cheque into my daughters account and forget about it?

Do I return the cheque to her?

I don't want a relationship with her.

"The other option is to do nothing with it. Sending it back could seem like you are looking to upset her, cashing it happy to take her money.

Just it never being cashed and you disposing of it is a non answer."

I agree with this.

She has obviously caused you a lot of pain, don't worry about her anymore, shred the cheque and forget all about it. Or i suppose you could frame it and hang it in the lavvi. Hope your daughter had a wonderful birthday.

I would rip it up and give it no more thought ever

Bin it and forget about it. Job done.

I see the unhappiness you feel about all of this. I would send her a card on behalf of your DC, thanking her and telling her the check has been deposited to DC's account. The door might be shut, but it never hurts to open a window.

I would destroy the cheque and leave it at that. Sending it back is opening a conversation. Just don't reply to anything she sends.

Just bin it. That's what I'd do. I don't think I'd even transfer the money into your daughters account. I'm sure you spend plenty on her already and there is no need. Just bin it, forget about it and move on.

Don't feel the need to transfer the money to your daughters account just shred it.
If you send it back then she can use it to make a huge fuss about it to your family or at the victim.
Just don't cash it. That way she doesn't even need to know if you received it.

I'd bank it and send a note simply saying thank you. It's an olive branch, albeit a cack handed one.

She could reach out and never has
She has reached out in a very clumsy & arguably unfriendly way...

I received a cheque for DD from someone I didn't want contact with and I didn't bank it. It's probably still in a drawer somewhere.

If you bank it or send it back, you are engaging with your Grandmother.
If you throw it away or just don't bank it, you are not engaging.
You have to decide what you want to do!

I would rip it up and forget about it. If she wants to build bridges with you she should definitely start with an apology. What she's done is very passive aggressive, sending a cheque with a note dictating how you should spend it

cancel return the cheque