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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him not to do this in bed?!

53 replies

Finla · 31/01/2018 09:20

My DH comes to bed after me most nights (late, prob midnight), gets in, switches his iPad on which shines in my face and invariably wakes me up. When he does it's always my fault for 'not being on my own side' which I think I am but all I know is that I went to bed, I fell asleep and now I'm awake. Probably due to him getting in, the iPad being on and him shuffling around. It's getting to the point that we're really snapping at each other. AIBU or is he? Any advice on how to deal with it?

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 31/01/2018 10:23

He sounds like a rude pig, that’s really not on. How can you not give a shit that you’re disturbing someone’s sleep!

VladmirsPoutine · 31/01/2018 10:24

I don't think either of you are necessarily being unreasonable. You are entitled to use your bed to sleep in and he's entitled to use his bed to look at his gadgets if he is so inclined. What is missing here is kindness and consideration. Could you buy those sleeping eye-mask things? If you're both snapping at each other then clearly he thinks he is NBU.

Where do you both go from here?

As a cautionary tale - it wasn't his cheating or gas lighting that finally made my sister leaver her H, it was the fact that after pleading and pleading with him - his boxers and socks would end up on the bathroom floor every evening in a watery puddle.

Bunchofdaffodils · 31/01/2018 10:25

My dh occasionally sits next to me in bed, in the middle of the night, eating crisps....Hmm

Honeycombcrunch · 31/01/2018 10:25

He's being selfish and his ipad should stay downstairs. Do you have a spare bedroom?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 31/01/2018 10:27

Very selfish, make him a bed up in the spare room, if he carries on.
You need your sleep, especially with a young baby.

troodiedoo · 31/01/2018 10:28

LTB

Justwaitingforaline · 31/01/2018 10:28

Very very rude to deliberately have bright lights.

On the occasion I go to sleep a lot earlier than DP and he’s in bed next to me reading, I wear an eye mask

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 31/01/2018 10:29

Hamish when I wake up at 3.28am, it's a lot less antisocial to MN on my phone than to get up, turn the big light on and read.

ShowMeTheElf · 31/01/2018 10:32

I feel your pain! DH comes in, sits on the edge of the bed to remove one shoe, then the next, then one sock, then the next, then slides his jeans off....meanwhile I'm awakened by the motion of a bouncy castle. I wake up in such a rage that I can't say anything because I know my tone will be so aggressive that it will seem like a total overreaction...then by the morning I've forgotten, until the next night...and so on.

TatianaLarina · 31/01/2018 10:33

Deal with it now is my advice. My parents are still having this argument after 50 years.

Missingstreetlife · 31/01/2018 10:33

Screens are very bad for your sleep and should not be used before bed.

IndecisiveMama · 31/01/2018 10:41

Have you asked him not to? I often huff and puff and expect him not decipher this ... whilst complaining to my friends. Calmly explain that you want to stab him slowly and painfully to death and your marriage is over unless he desists. Best to be plain.
I had same problem. Husband came to bed late and switched the MAIN light on to lay out his clothes. I eventually told him (calmly and sweetly) that he was being a tosser and ta daaaa! (Now he only wakes me up to have sex. A whole other issue! Lol)

IndecisiveMama · 31/01/2018 10:42

*TO decipher ....

100YearsOfVote · 31/01/2018 10:42

he's very selfish

Justabadwife · 31/01/2018 10:42

@bunchofdaffodils i think we are married to the same person 😂😂

DH comes to bed late every night, and plays on his laptop,turns the bedside lamp on, turns the tv on, eats crisps and 95% of the time I sleep right through it.
The good thing for me is when i wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep, or when i had hurrendous toothache I have no issue putting the tv on and watching it until I go back to sleep. He doesn't even flinch.

If its not working for you, you need to talk about it. Come up with a solution to suit you both.

thegreylady · 31/01/2018 10:44

How do you use the torch on an iPhone 5please? I can see the bulb thing but no idea how to switch it on.

jellycat1 · 31/01/2018 10:44

Yanbu. Separate bedrooms is a marriage saver imo!
kitties that's hilarious Smile

Jux · 31/01/2018 10:45

He needs to read a book, with a small torch.

No devices in bed.

NotReadyToMove · 31/01/2018 10:48

YANBU
iPads in bed should be a no-no anyway.
But the most important thing is that he is waking you up and is making it your fault instead.
Whether you are or not in your side of the bed is t going to make any difference to whether you are beipen woken up or not.

Maybe ask him if it’s ok if you do the same thing when you are woken up by your dd in the middle of the night. You know, so it can help you fall asleep. And then shuffle around, put the light in his face etc...
Because basically, you are very careful of not waking him up and he seems to think he is doing the same to you. Maybe it’s time to show him it’s not the case.

NotReadyToMove · 31/01/2018 10:49

Btw by acting like this, he is showing you he has no respect for you or your well-being....

Trinity66 · 31/01/2018 10:50

My dh occasionally sits next to me in bed, in the middle of the night, eating crisps

Shock I'd kill him!

Gatehouse77 · 31/01/2018 10:52

If watching his iPad is so necessary he can surely do it before coming to bed??

Rafflesway · 31/01/2018 11:06

I do this! (Although I am usually in bed first.)

I also watch tv in bed too.

DH occasionally has a bit of a grumble but he can’t mind too much as he’s just bought me a WiFi extender for the bedroom as the signal wasn’t too great. Grin

Does this make me a controlling, selfish witch? 🧟‍♀️ (DH would love one of those 😹)

Iwantamarshmallow · 31/01/2018 11:11

he is being totally unreasonable

2017RedBlue · 31/01/2018 11:11

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