To feel I will never work again?

[Jobhuntinghell]

I've been fairly successful in my career. When I was younger I had no problems getting jobs. Then two I became a mother and later relocated and everything changed.

I only had 2 years out of work with DC but relocating meant I had no professional contacts in the new city. It took several months and many interviews but I managed to get a good job. Inexplicably 6 months in, as my probation period was coming to an end, I was told I would not be kept on. There was no explanation whatsoever. There had been no bad feedback prior to this and until this point I had never in any job had negative feedback or warnings or anything but compliments about my work in any role. I had turned down another job to take this one so was very disappointed and it knocked my confidence.

After several months out of work I did get another job which I was in for 18 months before being made redundant. I was only one of many to lose their jobs so I didn't feel singled out but was back trying to find a job again.

Eventually I secured an 18 month contract. That's now over and I'm searching for jobs again.

Since relocating I've been in the radar of companies and recruitment consultants and have had many interviews between jobs, and even when I was in the contract role, as I tried to secure my next position.

I don't have a problem getting interviews if jobs come up as I am always told my CV is very strong. Roles don't come up often. My job isn't really niche but It's senior enough that there are few positions available. I always get great feedback, but so often they want to keep me in mind for future roles and I seem to come in just behind someone else for the role they are recruiting for. This has happened so many times that I'm really starting to question what I'm doing wrong and I'm so disheartened. I don't know if it's something wrong with me that I can change, or if my age/gender is going against me. I don't understand.

At my latest interview it went so well that I was shown around and introduced to people. This has only ever happened to me when I've been offered the job previously, but now again I have found out I've been pipped at the post.

I'm really losing confidence and feeling like I'll never get a job. I'm now single so I need to be working.

Should I spend money I can't really afford on a career coach? Has anyone else used one?

Any other wisdom to share?

Anyone?

My first thought was the kids, as sad as that sounds...
If they're unaware of you being a parent during your interview (they cannot legally ask if you have kids), then they may be discriminating when they eventually found out. Alternatively have you had work days off due to your kids?
I'm not sure what field of work you're in, but I know that a lot of office based jobs that are usually male dominated are usually because they assume that the woman take the responsibility of being the parent and the man never has time off work for kids illness etc. Especially as you now state you are a single parent, it may be a silent concern for them that you'll be unreliable.
Of course I may be wrong, but I do know companies discriminating due to having children is still very common.
I personally won't use a career coach if funds are short. Would a short term career change be of interest, until you can find a permanent position for your chosen field of interest?

I’ve had one and found it helpful. If money is tight could you see if there are charities or colleges that could offer a reduced rate. I had some free sessions as part of a someone’ training.

Bumblebee I suspect having DC was the reason I was let go before the end of my probation but only came to that conclusion much later after going over and over things in my head. I had an arrangement to leave at a time that would allow me to pick up from nursery before it closed. I was the only mother in the company.

Funnily enough at the interview where I got shown around he had missed the maternity leave that was actually on my CV (annoyingly I can't get around putting it on) until I unwittingly mentioned it. Perhaps that was the difference between me and a similar candidate.

I don't mind a career change in the short term and have looked at alternatives but it's depressing to think this is what all my hard work has come to.

I think if you're unable to do the hours that the role or company expects or needs, then yes this can go against you. It shouldn't and they could never say that, but some roles are time demanding, and unfortunately companies can often pick and chose their employees. Unless you're head and shoulders above the rest, then why would they pick somone who cannot fulfil the role to the extent others can, being realistic.

If your work was exemplary and you fulfilled the role, irrelevant of when you left, I'm sorry, they wouldn't have let you go, companies don't let go of good employees easily.

It doesn't mean it's right, and it doesn't mean it's easy, but in reality that's how it works.

Bluntness I realise this is how it works but do I have to wave goodbye to my career because despite my abilities I don't fit the right profile anymore? It's depressing.

I have a lot of working years left and I'm not sure at the moment how I'm going to support DC and myself. I'm entitled to nothing while I'm out of work because I'm over the savings threshold (but not for much longer if I don't find a job). Life is a real struggle at the moment.

No, I don't think you need to say goodbye to your career. But ideally you'd work for a company who are more tolerant to reduced hours compared to others, or possibly down step in role to one which demands less time.

It gets easier as kids get older, but I think you've found yourself in the trap many others have found themselves in.

Could you afford an after school nanny or an au pair to give you more flexibility?

DC in school now and I have childcare sorted but it still means I can't work late or go away for work without a lot of notice. I couldn't accommodate an au pair.

I don't even talk about hours in interviews. I'm very cautious, but I can't get away from the fact they know I'm a mum. They usually ask about children in a chatty way. It's an easy way for them to suss things out however carefully I play it.

Most companies in my line of work have no kind of flexible working. I'm willing to step down if it's for a while but I'm worried as I get older I'll never get the chance to step back up.

I need to snap out of today's mood and find a more positive perspective.

Don't be disheartened although it's easier said than done. I'm responsible for recruitment within my company and a single parent. We work in a liberal field but sexism is still pernicious. I think it is as much it being the right company for you as it is about whether you are the fit for a role. They are making judgements based on assumptions of what you can/can't do around your commitments. If this is the case then their approach to recruitment is flawed and it is not a reflection of your skills. The right company for you is out there but you may have to kiss more frogs to find them. Best of luck to you

I know recruitment consultants get a bad name - my husband works in recruitment and is a very good one. He will often get asked these questions from candidates and if asked will be honest and say where he thinks the problems lie. Perhaps if you have a good relationship with one of your consultants ask them - if they are good and established they usually have a pretty market knowledge. I hope you find the job for you soon :)