Should I contact this friend?

[IrrelevantPeasant]

I have a friend who I met at uni about 14 years ago. We stay about 50 miles from each other and used to meet regularly about half way to catch up. Over the last few years I’ve noticed this has become less and less and that it’s always me that initiates contact with her. She always replies to my messages but she never starts a conversation with me. It’s gradually got worse since she met her new partner who I get the feeling doesn’t like me and my husband. We don’t really like him either tbh, he has a very high opinion of himself and I’ve heard him be very short with her although she seems happy enough. I’m wondering if it could be because of him that her Contact has become less and less.

So anyway, my question is do I keep contacting her or do I accept that our friendship has reached its natural end and move on?

What do you want to do?

I don’t want to lose her as a friend but it all seems very one sided at the moment and I’m not sure if she wants to remain friends any more.

"Downgrade" the friendship to Christmas and birthday cards only?

I've been in a similar situation. Friend who moved away. I would always contact her and make an effort to see her when I was staying with a friend who lived near her. It was always me making the effort and she never arranged to meet up when she was visiting my area. And our friendship didn't seem as natural when I did see her. I decided to stop making the effort. Plus this meant I could relax when I visited the other friend.
I haven't fallen out with her or anything. So if I bumped into her it should be fine. But I realised that if she was that bothered about staying in touch she would contact me as well. You don't have to lose her as a friend. Sometimes we just lose touch with people.

You could be a proper adult and actually talk to her about it?

THanks Tracy, I think that’s what’s going to happen here, it’s a shame but sometimes friendships just run their course I suppose!

Don´t do anything about it. Just let it slide. Friendships wax and wane throughout life. Right not you are not close but in some years´time, that might change and you will be good friends again.

If it could be that HE doesn't want her to keep in much contact then you need to. She may need you in the future.

I think if you hadn't mentioned the partner I'd be telling you to either step back or to only contact when you feel like you want to (rather than cut contact just principal of it)

since you have though and have also mentioned him being short with her and you mentioning the fact you think he may be partly the cause of her not being in touch I'd if i were in your situation I'd be reluctant to cut her off as those things sound like possible red flags and I'd want to feel sure she was ok and just rude rather than she is in a possible controlling/abusive relationship.

Yes Ginky, that is on my mind too. I’m not suggesting I cut contact all together, if she wanted to meet up then I’d still love to see her but at the moment I almost feel like I’m pestering her.

I suppose it depends on how often your contacting her if she might feel pestered.

Every week if your not very close yes too much (for me) Texting once a month and inviting her to meet up a two or three times a year then really your not exactly being demanding are you.