To think this midwife was pretty unpleasant?

[missmillimentscardigan]

I'm not sure whether I am BU or not...
Had a routine midwife appointment at hospital clinic this morning. I was very late (15 mins) so when I got there I apologised to the receptionist and asked whether I needed to reschedule for another day. She said no, and went to tell the midwife that I had arrived.
The midwife I was seeing, who I'd never met before, came out immediately and said she thought I wasn't coming in a huffy voice, and called me into the consulting room. I apologised to her for being late and said that I understood if she couldn't fit me in and I was sorry for messing up her schedule.
She then said that she thought I wasn't pregnant anymore and that was why I hadn't turned up. She went through the blood pressure, pulse checks muttering about how her schedule was ruined. Later, she said to me that she thought I'd had a miscarriage (because I wasn't there on time) and so had gone to check my scan dates. But she said it sort of aggressively. When she listened to the baby's heart beat (was the first time I'd heard it), I waited to let her listen and then asked, 'Is that it?' to make sure I was hearing it correctly, and she snapped. 'Yes, I've already heard it 3 times'.
There were a few others things too, but you get the idea. I know I was in the wrong for being late, and I tried to get through the appointment as fast as possible for that reason, but AIBU to think her behaviour was unnecessary? I said I understood if I couldn't be seen that day or if I needed to wait until the end of the clinic.

Yanbu, and the miscarriage comments are vile. Can you change?

She was out of order. I would have pulled her up during the muttering.

I would consider complaining about that. Sorry you had such a horrid experience!

Nasty. Make a complaint and change. That would destroy some women.

Hope you are OK OP.

She needs to get a grip. You need to get a new midwife

Yanbu I wouldn't want her anywhere near me when I was having a baby, can you change?

Yes make a complaint. 15 minutes isn’t even very long, you can reasonably expect to wait that long for them as things can always run over a little. Miscarriage comments are just unnecessary.

Yanbu no need for her nasty passive aggressive comments and mutterings at all. Definitely see if you can change midwives too.

Please complain. That's a horrific experience.

Midwife here.

It's a common occurrence that women do not attend their 16 week appt following a misc and the system has failed to update the appointments in time. So she probably did assume you were one of those.

However, I completely agree that her comments were completely and utterly insensitive and uncalled for.

Op, I would write a letter to the practice manager or the head of midwifery at the adjoining hospital to share your experience. It will be helpful to other women she may do this to.

Sorry for your experience; I can't imagine being like that. Even on a shitty day I may have had personally.

She was probably really really up against it and very stressed and could have done without you rolling up 15 mins late.

Yanbu.

I’ve just had a baby and so many of the midwives and care assistants on the postnatal ward were really huffy and unpleasant. I think it’s the stress of working for the nhs at the moment.

I’d ask to change too.

I'd complain but also, if I was going to be late in future I'd ring ahead to let them know.

Thanks for all the replies. She wasn't my usual midwife, I think the receptionist mentioned that she was a cover midwife. And she did seem overwhelmed. And obviously my lateness added to that. But still...

Maybe I should have said something at the time. I'm normally pretty assertive! But I felt I was on the back foot because I was late and I was shocked by what she said and the tone she said it in.

Ywbu to have been late, but no excuse for those comments!!

*well I can hear one heart beat, so one of them alive”
what!!

I think she had more reason to be annoyed than you. You shouldn't have been late.

She might have been stressed to the eyeballs but anybody who runs NHS clinics know how it is

No shows, people who keep their own time with no thought for anyone else, awkward buggers, unreasonable demanders etc

You stay professional. Every contact counts. That is all.

When I was pregnant with first dd midwife was late at doctors for every appointment, used to wait for ages.

Urgh it’s weird how there are so many vile midwives out there! We are assuming you’re a midwife because you like dealing with pregnant women,women at one of their most vulnerable life stages. So be kind!!!!
I’ve had midwives be really quite horrid to me as well -I remember one rolling her eyes at me and snapping “it’s really not that hot okay” when I said I felt dizzy and clammy towards the end of my pregnancy.
It’s the same with teachers - so many of them do not like children. (I say that as a teacher). Why BE a teacher then?

You poor thing
I got pg 1 week after a Mc and was very anxious during my pregnancy
If she had said that to me it would have been devastating
Please complain to PALS, in our Trust they are very responsive