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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit miffed with cousin

31 replies

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 30/01/2018 15:50

My landline phone is broken. The line is fine, the handset just doesn't ring. It's on my long list of things to sort out, but since only one person in the whole world calls it (excluding all the cold callers) I have not got around to sorting it out.

Anyway, I usually call her on my mobile and all is fine, but this week we had a tentative arrangement she said she would confirm with me by calling when she knew what was what. I said if she called my mobile I would call her back. She called and I forgot to call her back.

I've received a note in the post today saying she's not going to call me again due to cost. nb she is retired so not earning but is very comfortable, due no doubt to being careful and I respect that, but don't you think she could have just dropped it. Or she could have reminded me when we were talking.

It's got my goat. I'll send her a cheque to cover the cost of the call and apologise, but really....isn't this a bit OTT?

OP posts:

FiveLittlePigs · 30/01/2018 15:56

Shoxfordian · 30/01/2018 15:56

Don't send her a cheque for the call, she's crazy !

JJPP123 · 30/01/2018 15:57

The call probbly cost pennies. She sounds a bit off to me.

metalmum15 · 30/01/2018 15:58

I'll send her a cheque to cover the cost of the call

Well, if she didn't politely ask while you were on the phone to call her back then she should suck it up. She sounds a tight arse tbh.

Rudgie47 · 30/01/2018 15:58

Shes being very tight, a call to a mobile isnt that much. I could understand it if she was absolutely on her arse skint but not if she is comfortable.
I'd just leave it with her, I'd drop her.

Piffle11 · 30/01/2018 16:01

If this really is all there is to it, then she needs to get a hobby: she's got too much free time to stew over insignificant things. If I stopped calling everyone who forgot to ring me back, then I'd never ring anyone again! Don't send her a cheque, and don't go overboard with an apology. Is she always so unforgiving? She sounds like hard work.

nutbrownhare15 · 30/01/2018 16:02

If you value her friendship id phone her and apologise and offer to pay but say if she'd only have asked you have phoned her back. Hopefully she will realise how silly she's being. Yanbu.

expatinscotland · 30/01/2018 16:12

YABU to send her a bean. She's a miserable tight arse. Why do you participate in a relationship with someone who has so little respect for you?

QuiteLikely5 · 30/01/2018 16:14

Why not just call her yourself at a set time each week?

MissionItsPossible · 30/01/2018 16:14

Don't respond back. Wait until she contacts you. If she asks about the letter say you couldn't afford a stamp to reply and "I thought we were saving the pennies now"?.

Hissy · 30/01/2018 16:18

You see I don't like regular arrangements, it forms a pattern of expectation and entitlement.

She can text you for less than the price of a phone call.

ObscuredbyFog · 30/01/2018 16:22

How much has she said the call was?

Birdsgottafly · 30/01/2018 16:23

Is she generally the fussy type? You're Cousins, shared history etc.

Just phone her. It would be a shame to cut her off as she is getting older.

How old is she? when we get a bit older even a simple illness can make you behave out of character. She might also be feeling a bit forgotten/surplus since retiring.

Celebelly · 30/01/2018 16:27

The stamp on her note probably cost more than the phone call.

Jenna43 · 30/01/2018 16:27

This might be the most bonkers thing I've read on here. Of course you shouldn't send her a cheque for the missed call.

Bluntness100 · 30/01/2018 16:31

You both sound a bit strange to me. How much was the call that a cheque is necessary?

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 16:38

Hang on, I can't even see that's she asked for money - just that she isn't going to spend any more money on calling you as you don't return the calls.

What is going on here?

drspouse · 30/01/2018 16:42

The stamp on her note probably cost more than the phone call.

Way, way more.
My DM at the weekend didn't look at her phone, has no voicemail, so missed that I'd called and missed my texts.
We therefore had to put my DN who was visiting us but lives with DM on a different train. She did know which train. Eventually.
But she complained that my DN didn't look at her texts (the irony!) so didn't reply to say which end of a very long train she was on then HAD TO CALL MY DM AT GREAT EXPENSE (you know, 1 minute of a mobile to mobile call) to tell her.
I think that some retired people are still stuck in the "mobiles cost £5 a minute to call" mindset.

Original poster

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 30/01/2018 16:51

She can be a funny fish but I really do value her friendship. She is my parents' generation and they are no longer here, and the rest of my aunts and uncles are abroad. She's amazingly intelligent and has a memory like nothing else. Her knowledge and stories of my family are really lovely to listen to.

She is the sort of person who will hold you to a cheery "speak to you soon" and let you know if you haven't contacted her in whatever her measure of 'soon' is.

So, it's not an easy relationship, but I am happy to go with her terms. Just allow me to vent here, right?!

She did explain (in detail!) in the letter how her landline gives her cheap landline calls but expensive mobile calls. No, she didn't ask for money, but she was clearly having a go at me.

Anyway I called her and left a message (thank god!) and apologised and said I'd give her the cost of the call.

It wasn't that I didn't call her, it was that she called me and I was meant to hang up and then call her back right away. I am certainly not about to start a regular call time. I can see that ending very badly very quickly!

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 30/01/2018 16:54

Blunt I am indeed strange. I hold my hand up!

OP posts:

Baileyscheesecake · 30/01/2018 17:01

Is the point that she phoned you and then stayed on the phone talking to you instead of you calling her back - so she ended up with an expensive phone call because your landline is broken and you didn't do what you said you were going to do. If she's retirement age she probably is of the generation who resent paying unnecessarily expensive calls when they can be avoided. It's fine for the majority of people who have mobile deals with free minutes but to phone a mobile from a landline is expensive . I think the people telling you not to send her a cheque are missing the point - I'm sure she would appreciate you offering to pay for the call - it's a peace offering on your part and a way of showing that you appreciate you should have called her back instead of letting her pay the cost of the call. Am I right in thinking that she doesn't have a mobile, just a landline, so can't just send you a text?

Original poster

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 30/01/2018 17:10

Bailey If I didn't know that my cousin doesn't have internet access I would think you were her! You have it spot on.

I suppose it's good that she did at least tell me so that I can make amends, unlike the time I didn't thank her for sending sending a bereavement card when my Mum died and I just didn't hear from her for months and months. For starters I didn't know thanking mourners was a thing and secondly, she WAS the bereaved, my Mum is her first cousin. People, eh?!

OP posts:

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 30/01/2018 17:16

Like a pp said, she's probably stuck in the mindset that phoning a mobile from a landline is exorbitant. From a BT landline, it costs 17 p per minute plus 22 p set up, so, depending on how long you were on the phone for, it could have racked up a few quid.

Original poster

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 30/01/2018 17:29

Just checked, it was 4 mins long.
Little card with cheque ready to send. 2nd class stamp as my own nod to frugality!

OP posts:

Baileyscheesecake · 30/01/2018 17:54

OP Haha! No - I'm not your cousin!!

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