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Original poster

To worry about DS wanting to always be the clown?

18 replies

Ferrousfumerate1 · 30/01/2018 13:24

He's 7. He's amazing yada yada but full on and wilful.

He also likes making people laugh. It's always been this way but lately, it's relentless. Whenever he's with friends, he will go all out, being stupid, naughty, cheeky - whatever he can do to make them laugh and keep then laughs going.

DH and I both see that it's become more extreme. And his behaviour is shit while he's doing that - he doesn't care about anything, he's often rude and disrespectful.

I really worry that he does it because he feels insecure or something. I don't know. It's irritating as shit as well!

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 30/01/2018 13:53

He's just showing off in front of his friends, alot of kids that age do that. I would still nip it in the bud though, if he's being cheeky to entertain his friends tell him he can't have friends over for a week because of it and that if he does it again that time will be increased etc etc

Original poster
Ferrousfumerate1 · 30/01/2018 13:58

Yes, you're right. It's showing off. IT's fucking excessive with him, though. He has no boundaries.

I will say that to him, though, about not having friends over etc.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 30/01/2018 13:59

I have one like this. He was born that way. He had a wicked grin and a belly laugh as a baby and he's incredibly witty and sunny-natured and gorgeous, but God it is hard work bringing up a child like this to be respectful and behave appropriately without squashing all the bounce out of him. He's 13 now, has never been in trouble at school and is generally considered a delight by other adults, but if he's tired or overexcited he can still spill over into rudeness, mainly towards me, and it's sometimes his way of telling me he needs to talk about something. Sarcasm is his speciality (and mine). You just have to be really, really consistent about where the line is and what happens if he crosses it. Be prepared for long involved conversations about why something is rude, what contexts are appropriate for certain expressions to be used and why

missyB1 · 30/01/2018 13:59

Sometimes it can be to cover for insecurity, kids can worry a lot about trying to fit in / be cool. The sad thing is eventually the other kids might stop laughing and just get irritated instead. Have a chat with him about self control and self esteem, but I would also start giving warnings and consequences for his behaviour.

ferriswheel · 30/01/2018 14:00

I would explain to him that happy jokes stop before they stop being funny. I dont think he probably means to be mean, he just doesnt understand.

gillybeanz · 30/01/2018 14:02

I was like this as a child, but not disrespectful, although I think this improves with age.
I made a lot of money from it when I left school, clowning is a profession Grin
Please don't try and change his personality, it may be the making of him, no matter how annoying it is.
you could buy him a magicians set and some balloon models for his next birthday along with a joke book.

Hissy · 30/01/2018 14:04

My DS was the same, we've chosen a different secondary school to his mates (not specifically for this reason, it was a FAR better fit), and it's given him the chance to re-invent himself.

The second I get a whiff of him being the entertainer, I remind him what happened at Primary and so far it's working..

The problem with your DS behaviour (and I am sure you don't need me telling you) is that IF he decides to chill out a bit in a year or 2, he WON'T be able to shake the past. If anyone laughs near him, it will be him who is blamed. If someone mucks about and he is within view, he will cop it, even if he wasn't in any way involved.

This is what happened to my DS and he got really upset and indignant that he wasn't doing x or y but he still got detentions etc.

Is he rude to you/your H? then it's a clamp down I'm afraid. No friends, no going out and being totally and utterly bollocked for it. I go nuclear if DS is rude to me, won't have it.

Does he have X-box or similar? I find limiting that to during the week makes a difference in behaviour

Original poster
Ferrousfumerate1 · 30/01/2018 14:05

Greensleeves, while my DS isn't particularly sunny-natured, he is very very engaging and witty. A true character. And it's hard work trying to reign him in without squeezing his spirit. But you're right, we need to be more consistent. We try really hard but as soon as we've sorted one thing, he seems to be pushing boundaries with another. I constantly feel like I'm behind the game.

I don't know if he's insecure, but perhaps he is. He's gobby and seems robust but who knows? It will irritate others, I'm sure. He talks a lot in class and while he seems popular, loves learning and the teachers really like him, I worry he's marching towards being distruptive. And then this shit will get bigger, the more he feels the need to hold people's attention.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 30/01/2018 14:08

One of my mantras when ds2 was younger was "it's only a joke if you think the other person is going to find it funny". That removed the excuse for a lot of comments HE found funny but were in fact either inappropriate to the audience or just plain rude.

He used to struggle with self-control in that once he'd thought of something witty, it was "too good to waste" even though he knew it wouldn't be well received. "Save that kind of humour for your friend, please" was another regular mantra.

It does work, being consistent and making him look at why he's got it wrong etc. DS2 did modify himself and is really a lovely polite boy now, but still bumptious and very funny. I think he hated my long drawn-out autopsies on his inappropriate remarks and making him acknowledge that he'd made a poor choice, he used to say "can't you just slap me and then I can go back to what I was doing?" Grin

Greensleeves · 30/01/2018 14:09

I don't think it necessarily stems from insecurity, ds2 definitely isn't insecure. But if your gut is telling you that he is, then maybe there is something in it - do you have any other reasons to suspect that?

Hissy · 30/01/2018 14:10

7 is a really CRAP time tbh, it was awful in parts because they know their own minds and realise that they can choose to do things. Up until this point they get told what to do and do it.

I think there is a hormone surge around 7 too. Happy days.

a kid's job is to push boundaries, it's how they learn. they push and push and will do so until they reach the edge. You're right, this is where you need consistency and to work together as parents.

does he do much sport? exercise the bejeezus out of him to get the energy burnt off, and if it's something like Rugby or similar he needs to listen and the coaches won't put up with cheek. They take direction better from others sometimes...

HIs 'spirit' is crushing yours. You are the parents here and you are the ones who show him how to fit into the world and how to relate to others.

He sounds bright, perhaps he needs to up the amount of schoolwork? needs to be challenged more? he's finding it all too easy?

Greensleeves · 30/01/2018 14:13

definitely agree with Hissy about the exercise, he needs lots and lots of it to burn off the excess energy. DS2 does football, rugby and judo and he's still always on the go, it's relentless

Original poster
Ferrousfumerate1 · 30/01/2018 14:20

Some really good comments here, thanks.

  • I don't think he's insecure tbh. I just can't understand why his desire to make everyone laugh has become so extreme!
  • he is rude and it needs to stop
  • we don't let him do any ipad games in the week and he hasn't got an Xbox. He can watch TV. We stopped ipad in week as his behaviour was even worse and if he wasn't doing it, he was thinking about it and it drove me nuts. He's sort of accepted it.
  • he does lots of sport. He gets lots of sleep. We are pretty structured in that respect
  • we do lots of school type stuff at home (his wish) so I don't think he's bored but maybe he is

He is pushing buttons ALL THE TIME and you're right, that's his job. My job is to stay neutral and not accept the invitation to argue. I have got much better. He never lets an argument go either, so it's not worth it. But he is pushing all the time and this is just one big facet of it

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 30/01/2018 21:15

have you considered a drama group or even MT where he can act and play to his heart's content?
i do appreciate that they have to learn to behave and you are right it's hard to find the balance between good discipline and squeezing their spirit.
After having two dc like this, the best advice I could give is to keep him active in groups and socialising.
I didn't push this enough with ds2, when it came to dd, much later, who displayed the same characteristics, we knew exactly what to do. Grin

SandyY2K · 30/01/2018 21:19

Sounds like he's trying to be popular.

Original poster
Ferrousfumerate1 · 30/01/2018 21:43

Tonight, I told him that it's great that he wanted to make people laugh but I wouldn't accept him being rude. He went Ape shit. Said, he 'was making people laugh. That's what matters. I can do what I want.'

Sigh. Back to the strategies.

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 30/01/2018 21:50

I remember this so well and it will get better.

To him making people laugh is all that matters, I'd really harness this, he knows what he wants.

He can do what he wants if he behaves, can you try this approach.
We all love clowns, comedians, entertainers. But nobody likes a naughty boy.

blueyacht · 30/01/2018 21:59

Making people laugh gives a perfomer a real buzz and it's addictive. And a lot of comedy is about pushing boundaries. It sounds like he's found his thing, sorry! I think gillybeanz has some good advice

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