To worry about age gaps?

[CurlyRover]

Just that really. DSD is 6. I want to retrain and if I do we won't be able to ttc for another 5 years meaning DSD would be 11 when we have another DC (assuming I fell pregnant within the first few months).

That seems like such a huge age gap. Especially as we'd like 2 with a roughly 2-3 year gap between them. But even if I didn't retrain and we started trying now there would still be a 7 year gap between them and then a 10 year gap between her and the youngest

AIBU to worry about the age gaps and how we would cope with such vastly different interests between them?

My parents divorced when I was little. Dad had his 2nd when I was 11, mum had twins when I was 13. I found it easier then someone I know with a 7 year age gap.
Be reasonable, don't move her because of the baby (if the baby won't be for few years, then you have time to decide who's sleeping where and ensure moves happen pre pregnancy). Find ways of ensuring she gets grown up time with her dad and you. My mum and I had lots of grown up/teen conversations while she was breast feeding and then once they were a bit older we'd each take a pot of ice cream and watch a movie together on a regular basis.
Don't assume she will babysit just because she's old enough.
In many ways its easier with a large gap. No rivalry over toys/clothes/bedtimes, though I can happily stoop to my sisters level and have a petty squabble 😺

A 7 year gap is fine, I have 2 boys with that age gap and they do play together (girl in between), and even though the elder one is now at uni, they still get on. I would think a bigger gap is more problematic. Friends have a similar gap (boy and girl) and it works fine for them too.

if you are going to uni, many have nurseries.

I'd say a larger age gap would be preferable to having another child now. There is 6 and a bit years between DB and I and it was such an awkward gap.

We were both young enough to need supervision but my parents struggled to entertain us at the same time as we had such different interests at, for example, 3yo and 9yo. Then I was a teenager and he was a hyper little kid who trashed all of my stuff. Then he was a teenager and I moved out.

He was an inconvenience to me until he was about 16 - until that point we had no contact except to fight.

11 years between me and my brother. We don't have a relationship. I haven't seen him for about 5/6 years. He lives a 3 hour drive away. I used to regularly text him and my sis in law but I would either get a reply 2 weeks later or none at all. I've been through some serious health issues which I made them aware of but they've not contacted me in return. So I gave up. I feel sorry for my children losing out in their cousins and aunt and uncle. I do get jealous when I see and hear others having a good relationship.

if you are going to uni, many have nurseries.

Yes, they do. But I wouldn't be earning anything. We couldn't afford my loss of earnings and nursery fees unfortunately.

Our third came along when out elder two were 10 and 8 respectively. They adore her, and did from day one. Balancing everyone's needs is sometimes tricky, and of course sometimes the elder two do stuff with one parent and the little one with the other, but we are all so very happy that we have her. (Oh, and there won't be any compulsory babysitting here when the big ones are old enough. They may be offered the odd financial incentive, though).

IMO there’s a difference between having a large age gap where there are other children in the middle so it’s like a chain of children iyswim, and a large age gap where there is a child who has been an only child and then has a much younger sibling.The former may mean that the eldest and youngest sibling aren’t necessarily close but there are other children in the middle so they each have respective relationships with the siblings closest to their own age, whereas having two children several years apart essentially is like having two different families because of the vast difference in ages and interests and so on.

I also think that there is a slight difference if it’s a half sibling relationship to a full sibling relationship (don’t shoot me,) but the reason I say that is because dsd will be living in the house for some of the time only whereas younger children will be resident there full-time, so the same kind of relationship doesn’t develop iyswim.

My DS was thirteen when his half brother was born. His sm has a DD from a previous relationship and there is iirc eight years between her and their DS. But she lives there full-time as well and as such she sees him as her brother whereas DS is only there some of the time and she feels that she should be able to monopolise the baby iyswim.

That being said, as DS is a teenager, babies and toddlers are really not that interestinG, and I do think that if I’d had another baby with eXH with the same age gap or even if I’d had one with DP DS would have taken more of an interest because of living here full time but there would still have been a marked difference in life stages and by the time DS moved out at eighteen the baby would just be starting school and that relationship would never really develop.

I also think that there is often an element of younger children looking up to their older siblings and when those older siblings go off and live their lives the younger children are left disappointed while the parents are disappointed and retain the belief that the older siblings should maintain some relationship with their siblings with whom they have nothing but biology in common.

I think it’s jot the age gap it’s the personalities involved and crucially parenting each child sensitivity and giving each child individual time.

We had a 16 month age gap between dss and then 9 years later had twins.

They all get on fine.

There's 15 months between our first two children. They were 11&12 when our youngest was born. We now have 2, 13 &14 year olds. They adore her. She's fitted in perfectly. No jealousy at all here.

There are 13 years between my eldest and youngest child. Ds is now 16 and dd is 3 and the relationship between them is amazing. He adores her and she has him wrapped around her little finger. We don’t ask him to babysit so that may help. We also have two other dds aged 13 and 10 who love the 3yo to bits too.

I really don't think it's something you can predict. I'm one of 6, with a 16 year gap and we're all adults now and get on great. As kids me and my sister fought and there was only a 2yr gap between us.

So I think you're overthinking it. If you want more kids, then go for it when it's suitable for you, I wouldn't necessarily even take age gap into consideration

You have kids because you want kids. You don't have kids to have close siblings. They could have a 2 year gap and fucking hate each others' guts. I know of twins who don't speak.

You can however do your best to mitigate the damage/jealousy. Treat them as individuals and let them both have negative feelings towards their siblings and you for having them and you'll be OK. It could take you 5 years to conceive for all you know (hoping not of course).

We lived in a caravan till my DD was 5, after buying our first house, I had my DS when she was 6, she adored him. Had to work 5 years to afford maternity pay on my partime salary, so another 6 years before DS no 2 was born, again they both loved it, re-married. So, DD 47,DS nearly 41, DS no 2 35 DD 26, (oldests DS is 18 months younger than my youngest) they all get on famousley, you can count the rows on the fingers of one hand. DD and DGS brought up together like brother and sister, we shared childcare,I get rude comments even now. (no-ones business) quite right puglife15, my youngest DGC are 16 months apart fight from the minute they wake up