To Think This Is Abusive Language To A Child?

[Consideringbeingamom]

First time OP, not yet a mum but I want to run past something with you parents. Each morning when I set off to work a mother and two small girls walk past our house to get to the school nearby. I've noticed them for just under a year at a guess. The Mother/Guardian whoever she is always seems to be screaming at them. A few times I've been getting into my car and heard her words and they make me very uncomfortable. She always seems to be saying to the older girl that the younger one is a brat, spoilt child in a venomous tone yet luckily the little one skips ahead which seems to anger the woman further. I also feel that she gets worse if I'm nearby as if she's playing up to an audience. Am I reading too much into this? If my DM did that (and she was a well meaning moaner) I think I'd end up resenting her. She never used abusive words even though she was rarely pleased with us!

It's a horrible way to speak to children but you'll get lots of messages saying that you probably caught the mother on a bad day and you should mind your own business.

If it was a one off, then I'm sure 99% of mothers have been pushed to the point of snapping.

But a regular occurrence? Every day? No that's not right at all. Sounds like the one skipping on ahead has just tuned her mother out. Good for her! Although in reality it must be damaging them, how could it not?

well its certainly horrible potentially damaging behaviour, especially if it happens on a daily basis. My mum used to talk to my siblings about me me like that sometimes, it was awful and completely crushed me. No wonder the younger one skips ahead, she doesnt want to hear it!

Yeah it's horrible. And I would judge.

Thanks, exactly what I thought and yes it's been every day for what seems like a year and DH has heard her too. I feel like saying something to her.

Oh and yes many friends let me know how frustrating DC can be getting ready for school but this just makes me uncomfortable.

Any more opinions/advice please?

So you say something to her? What’s the outcome you’re looking for?

I think even if it was a "one off" it's not acceptable. How can anyone call their child horrible names because they've been pushed to the edge?

I don't think their is anything you can do OP unfortunately. Just let time run it's course. The little girls will get older resent their mother and go no contact.

Probably the most straightforward thing you can do is ring the NSPCC for advice - they've got a lot of experience in gauging what can be done and what cannot.

0808 800 5000

I’m afraid that if you say something to her, she’ll take it out on the children. Are you sure she’s the mother and not a CM?

I have trouble with tantrums and a very hyperactive child who will not be calmed down. One day when he was having a meltdown and kicking me, chucking stuff across the room I told him to stop being a brat, then immediately felt ashamed for using that word, cuddled him and apologised to him.
Parents do make mistakes and it’s important to recognise that and say sorry I think, but if this woman is doing it on a daily basis, I would be quite concerned. Could she possibly have late onset PND or other issues making her struggle to cope?
I think slagging a child off to a sibling is SO damaging though, I admit I have said before ‘look DS, your friend is being good’ and even felt guilty about that and immediately made sure I said ‘and you’re a good boy too usually aren’t you!’

YANBU, it's awful and if parents can act that way in public who knows what happens behind closed doors.

Agree with number though in that threads like this always get numerous replies saying it's ok as a one off on a bad day.

Do you know the child's School? I'd report to the safeguarding officer.

If it happens every day, and is not a one off I would report it to the safeguarding officer at the child's school. You will have done what you can and that's the important thing.

I remember a time in Morrisons cafe, when I saw a mother being really verbally abusive to her child, she was there with a friend. I felt really uncomfortable hearing her talk the way she was towards her child, but obviously I only saw them that once. I thought about it afterwards quite a bit though.

In the situation you describe, though, as it's a regular thing, I think it would be right to say something.

Thanks all yes speaking to the safeguarding officer or NSPCC would be helpful. I'd have more sympathy if she was struggling with a "naughty" child but she always seems to pick on the carefree youngest. Almost like she feels someone else is spoiling her....I mean why accuse your own child of being a spoilt brat when you should have a lot of input in their upbringing???! She may well be a childminder or neighbour perhaps? It bothers me but I don't want to cause any drama. The little one needn't be made aware of this so I'll seek some subtle professional advice. You've all been extremely helpful. Thanks again.