To have been so deeply affected by this

[bluegreygreenlilac]

Although I only live about five miles or so away from where I grew up, I never go there because it is not the sort of place you’d ever need to go to without a reason. But yesterday I had a visit there.

I went past the house I grew up in. I was born there and I lived there until I was 18. My mum died when I was 14, then my dad died when I was 18.

I got a really vivid feeling of what would have been if one or both of them had lived. Taking their grandchildren to see them.

The life I lost suddenly seemed very vivid and it has upset me.

YANBU. for you and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry that must have been really hard. Completely natural to be affected by it.

I understand completely and I'm sorry for your loss. I felt very similar when I went back to my hometown and passed the house where I grew up. My siblings are much older than me, and the house was always full of my parents' grandchildren (who are not that much younger than myself) when I was growing up.,
I felt sad that my own two children have grown up never having known their grandparents.

I totally get what you mean, my grandparents house is off the beaten track (no need to go near it unless on purpose) but on a walk my wife, son and I passed it. I felt a very real sensation of bringing my 2 year old to meet my grandparents who I was extremely close to. Sadly they have been gone for 15 and 17 years respectively :(

Of course YANBU. I feel a pang when I see my childhood home, and my parents are still very much alive, just divorced, and living elsewhere. It must have been hard losing them both so young.

I’m sorry you lost your grandparents but (gently) it isn’t the same.

My folks died close together and unexpectedly and I totally get your pain. I have such mixed feeling visiting my old town and seeing their home. Extra hard as I often see school friends with their kids and grandparents. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the huge loss to you and your kids. Can you contact your parents old friends or family as I find they are often feeling the loss too, and welcome the opportunity to talk about them?

OP

No, there aren’t any surviving family members apart from me. My dad was an only child. My mother has a sister who didn’t speak to her and in any case lives in Canada. I don’t have any contact details for her and she wasn’t a nice person!

Sorry OP. Completely understandable to be upset.

It’s good you went, sometimes stirring up those emotions is healthy, although painful. Very sorry for your loss.

Do you have kids? It might be good for them to see where you grew up, to tell them about your parents.

So sorry for your awful loss at such a young age.

My mum lost her dad at 13 and her mum at 18. She's nearly 70 now and the grief still runs deep with her.

It's so hard, loosing them so young must have had a tremendous impact on your life, have you had counselling ? Any siblings for you?

No, and no :) it’s just one of those things. Mostly I feel out of sync with my peers. I had to be an adult at a time they were just able to be young and carefree. Now most of them have close relations with them being loving and supportive grandparents to their children. In the next decade I imagine some of them will start to lose their parents and again I’ll be out of sync. It’s a lonely place to be.

Yanbu. I get affected by mums house and she's been gone over 30 years. Also get a lump in my throat if I drive past my old primary school, remembering mum waiting at the gate to collect me. I even get emotional in the middle of Debenhams because I remember her taking me there shopping and to the cafe afterwards on Saturdays. Places evoke such strong memories.

bluegrey

My mum often says that she has been hardened by such devastating losses at such a young age. I would agree with her. As the child of someone who lost her parents young and very suddenly I am always acutely aware of how life can be snatched away without warning and im very close to my parents and cherish them. Hopefully your children will be the same with you.

Have you considered grief counselling? My mum often laments that when she lost her parents in the 1960s there was no support and she was still at school and felt she had to get on with it. She feels she may still benefit from counselling nearly 50 years after the loss of her mother and more than 50 years since her father died

No, I don’t think there’s anything to be gained by counselling tbh

I'm no fan of counselling either as it didn't help me, a psychic did cheer me up hugely but not much good if you thinks it's bollocks. I hope you feel less lonely with a few of us in the same boat? It's a shame there is no one who misses your parents as much as you. Did they not have any friends at the funeral who you could get in contact with. I wrote to everyone in my parents address book and a couple have stayed in touch with cards and letters, they may be really pleased to hear from you ??

That’s so tough op and so unfair

If you feel out of sinc and completely see that have you tried support groups? There must be some for people who are in your position? It might help to have people to talk to who are in the same position?