Work & birthdays - AIBU for feeling crap

[Mamadoll]

I have been in my current job for several years now and 3 years ago our manager suggested that we mark any big 0 birthdays that occurr in our team, which is fine and enjoy contributing to. It usually conists of a card getting signed by everyone, and a whipround which pays for a bunch of flowers and a gift card etc. Over the couple of years that we have done this I have contributed to half a dozen, or so, birthdays. All of our D.O.B's are marked on the office wall chart and is highlighted for everyone to see when it's a biggy.

I have recently turned the big 40 and everyone at work knew when my birthday was as I had the day off to spend with the OH, and chatted about it to a few colleagues...well I didn't even get a card. I'm not upset that I didn't get anything as i'm not a materialistic person and never contributed previously with the expectation of something in return. However, it did leave me feeling a bit worthless and overlooked at work and for a while made me wonder where I stood in the team.

This was a month back and decided to forget it and move on with my life as it's not worth mulling over. But, this week someone came round with a card to be signed and asked for the usual contribution for a colleague who is turning 30 at the beginning of next week.

So, I left work this evening feeling a bit shit and wondering why I've been left out. Maybe they don't like me? But then I didn't necesseraly like some of the people I contributed to before, I did so as it was almost expected of from everyone in the team.

I apologise if I sound like a spoilt child, I really am not bothered about the lack of gifts but can't help the pangs of hurt and sense of rejection that I keep feeling when at work right now :(

That's really tough, OP. I don't think they don't like you. I think they're thoughtless and selfish and just "forgot" to organise something for you.

I would buy yourself a gift or give yourself a treat, as you definitely deserve it, and enjoy it, maybe on a day or afternoon off of work if you have any annual leave you could use.

Congratulations on your 40th! Hope you had a lovely day celebrating with those you really care about.

I'm not surprised you feel upset. It's the thought that counts and it sounds like there was no thought for you here.

I'd stop contributing and say 'I thought we weren't doing that any more as I didn't get a card for my 40th'

Whoa. This is really hurtful. I’d be sad too. Hugs. But try try not to take it too personally or let it ruin work for you. From now on work is just work and they aren’t your best friends. Contribute minimally to any cards or collections. Focus on your friends outside of work.

Please tell me you didn't contribute????

Was it because you took the day off so weren't there on your birthday?

I manage a large team where this has been the norm and it terrifies me. Cards for most birthdays and a collection with gifts for the big ones. In my demanding and varied job, it's forgetting someone's birthday that worries me most.

No it wasn't because I was off on my BD as everyone is allocated a day of on their BD and has never happened before. My colleagues were aware of my BD as it was mentioned several times by a few people on the week before.

Like I said before, I'm not fussed for material things, it just felt like a right dig in the ribs. I won't let it bother me too much, I had the birthday that I wanted with my family.