To think fear and discipline are related?

[AtSea1979]

DS is 12 and his obsession with screens is really pushing the boundaries. I confiscate them and he sneaks around finds them and sits on his bed bold as brass without a care for the consequences. When I was his age I would be too scared of my mums slaps to go anywhere near her things.
How can I discipline him when he’s not scared of the consequences? I feel like slapping him just to get a shock reaction from him and I want to yell at him and threaten him. How does anyone else get their older kids to behave?

I’m going to try to sit down with DS at the weekend and make a weekly timetable. To fit in his after school clubs, homework, reading and screens. Then he knows when he can have them and when he can’t and see if that helps.

I feared my parents, but I discipline my kids. Huge difference.

I just switch the wifi password for my teen. He doesn't like it much, but he knows why I do it. Admits himself he'd be on it all night if I didn't

I think consistency is the key. I would hate to think any of my dc were scared of me but I know each one of them would be wary of the consequences to deliberately break the rules.So my dc wouldn't take back a confiscated item because they would know that I'd remove it for a week, they wouldn't come back late (without arranging it with me beforehand) because they would know that they would be grounded the following day. Boring and predictable works because there are no shocks and nothing to argue about.

I confiscate them and he sneaks around finds them and sits on his bed bold as brass without a care for the consequences.

I am amazed he would ignore your specific instructions so flagrantly. He does not respect you as his parent. Children push the boundaries and as parents, we have to bring them to a hard stop, even if it means being scary. Basically, if either of my dcs 14 or 11 did what your ds did, holy hell would rain down on them.

My guess is your ds does not think you will follow through and over time, your threats become empty threats, entreaties fall on deaf ears. Do you find conflict difficult? Can you develop a vulcan death stare.

Time to kick ass.