To be fed up of in-reciprocated play dates

[Movingon2018]

My friends daughter is in same class as my daughter both age 5. We have had friends daughter round 6 times in the last year and yet not a single invite back. In fact, friend seems to be going out of her way to invite every other girl bar DD and it’s really upsetting DD a lot. She feels left out and asked the other day what was wrong with her. I’m feeling really pissed off about it now but don’t know what to do. I can’t force them to have her over and actually don’t want to ask.
Aibu to mention it? It’s making DD feel like shit when she sees all these kids going off together!

*un-reciprocated

Stop inviting her!! Ask some new friends instead!

Does dd just have one friend?

Invite other children over

I'd try and widen her friendship circle and invite another friend over. It's polite to invite back imo, it sounds like you'll not get very far with this!

I don't reciprocate many playdates, my house is tiny and work and afterschool clubs mean there's often not much time for them. I feel bad about it but there's not much I can do about it really...

6 times a year is twice in each school term which is not much either.

It isnt as if you are having kids over every week.

I dont get the anger.

I have been inviting other friends too but DD really likes this girl and plays with her a lot in school.

I don't do playdates.

Play in a park near the school, go home.

I have done a couple of weekend meals at my house including the parents, thay have gone down well, very relaxed too, no fancy ass food.

I am more than available for emergencies to some kids in DS' class so it helps that we have had some visit so parents and child have seen the house.

But playdates, nah, can't be arsed. DS is 6yo and quite happy with this arrangement.

But maybe the other girl isn’t so keen? As I’m keen enough to want her over?

And although DS loves playing with X friend and Y friend, thay don't like playing with him. So i am careful who i invite over.

Play dates are rubbish aren't they?

Perhaps you should stop inviting said child? I work very hard not to encourage friendships that I see as one sided. I enrolled my daughter in rainbows to get her away from one and get her to meet new people. It worked. Said friend now values daughter's friendship because she knows DD has other friends too and doesn't need her. It has balanced their friendship into an almost mutual respect. When they fall out, it isn't the end of the world.

I would look at doing the same for your DD and distancing this child. It is upsetting but forcing someone to have your DD over for a play date will achieve nothing. It could hurt you if refused and hurt her more if she goes and is made to feel unwelcome (I would hope nobody would do that but nothing surprises me).

I don't invite if it's not reciprocated.
Simples. Only happened twice. Ie with 2 different children.
All other friends, for both ds's, it has always been very very equal.

I’ve never had it with my DS- he’s got a wide range of friends who always invite him back. It’s worse in this case because I am (or thought I was) good friends with the mother

Maybe message her and say if its ok for your dd to come over for a bit next week. See what she says.

Is your so-called friend jealous of you? Jealous of your daughter??? (maybe your daughter is doing better than her/more advanced/more popular.)

When my 2 girls were younger, they were as good as gold most of the time, and both advanced at school (stealth boast sorry!) and I knew several women whose kids were exactly the opposite; little shits who were not excelling at school, and they actively avoided socialising with me after a few months, and didn't bother to let their kids play with mine anymore.

It was jealousy, through and through. When I realised this, I found myself some better friends.

I mean your daughter is doing better than HER daughter!

I accept what people are saying with 'I don't do playdates', but clearly that's not what's going on here if this girl is inviting lots of other people, just not the OP's daughter. I'm afraid I agree, OP, and you will have to stop inviting her and encourage other friendships for your daughter.

If the mother was good friends I’d ask but more in a “Is x not so into y’s company” sort of thing and ask if it’s best to let things cool between them (not you).

Given that she’s your friend I think the answer is that she doesn’t want to offend you by saying her kid isn’t that close to yours and will get her child to go for your friendship rather than there’s. Obviously I’m just guessing.

I’m really trying to encourage other friendships but DD still gets upset as she wants to go to this girls house most of all. I kind of think that out of courtesy ask her back once! It just seems rude if nothing else.

I don't reciprocate many playdates, my house is tiny and work and afterschool clubs mean there's often not much time for them. I feel bad about it but there's not much I can do about it really...

Do you work all weekend too? Could you not take them out to the park so they aren't in the tiny house the whole time? I wouldn't keep accepting play dates if i had no intention of reciprocating tbh

I said not many, not that I didn't do them at all.

Various circumstances mean it's difficult for me to accept playdates. I tend to arrange the odd sleepover in school holidays, or take a child out even we're having a day out, but no. I don't feel like spending my extremely precious weekend with other people's children in my house.

If people stop inviting mine over then that's fine. Hasn't happened yet though.

*arrange, not accept