Noisy In-laws, I'm probably being Unreasonable!

[Cheekylittlenumber]

I LOVE my in-laws, don't get me wrong, but they are so loud!

We have a 4 month old and a 3 year old, and I think the baby is going through the dreaded 4 month regression. Her day time sleep is awful and it's a real struggle to get her to sleep. She doesn't need total silence by any means she likes to hear chatter/tv etc but they are just so loud it's bloody impossible to get her to sleep! We're just about to leave after spending a lovely weekend with them, but they don't seem to 'get' that they're really loud.

When I'm standing rocking the baby to sleep my FIL will walk into the room and literally shout at the top of his lungs at my 3 year old (it's a game he has to spook her) I'm literally standing in front of him with a baby with her eyes shut who is instantly startled, and he's totally oblivious. I've started to go into another room for naps but then they follow me in! This morning MIL came into the room being really loud, asking me something to which I replied with a normal/low voice. She then replied loudly and baby woke up, mil then cooed over baby.

Part of me thinks they want her awake so they can spend time with her, part of me thinks they're going deaf and don't realise how loud they are.

It's their own home of course and I love them to bits, and I feel like I can't say 'can you be quiet just while she's going to sleep'. I feel like it's obvious when I talk back to them with a 'normal' voice.

We visit every few weeks so maybe by the next time we come baby will have improved and sleep wont be such a battle but after a real fight getting her to sleep it's bloody annoying to be woken up by random shouting!! Should I say something or just smile and drink to get through it?

Hippydippy my MIL does that too, come to stroke DD on the head while I'm trying to settle her. Drives me nuts. She is lovely though in every other way and treats me like I'm her daughter. The disrupted naps just make the baby so moany. They ask me why baby is so happy in the morning and I say 'because she's had a really good sleep!' They're aware she doesn't sleep well during the day but don't seem to understand it's partly because they wake her up!!

Would she sleep of you took her for a walk in the pram? It may not be a habit you want to get into (I've ended up with it for both mine unfortunately) but you could escape for a walk around till she is asleep but then you just have to hope they don't shout when she gets in.

My mil is lovely but the same. I've never known anyone wash up so loud. She kindly does it while I put the dc to bed but it's so loud when they're trying to sleep and I'm always surprised I have dishes left!

Would she sleep of you took her for a walk in the pram? It may not be a habit you want to get into (I've ended up with it for both mine unfortunately) but you could escape for a walk around till she is asleep but then you just have to hope they don't shout when she gets in.

My mil is lovely but the same. I've never known anyone wash up so loud. She kindly does it while I put the dc to bed but it's so loud when they're trying to sleep and I'm always surprised I have dishes left!

Hmmalittlefish yes she usually sleeps well in the pram/car seat so I could do that for a nap or two.

Glad to hear it's not just my in laws who are loud!

Oh man!!! My in laws are like this. Just so loud. They don't realize that they are all in the same room and don't need to shout speak so ridiculously loudly to each other.

Definitely don't quote ObscuredFrog. It's their pissing house!

OP you did have my sympathy. I can imagine it's really draining and sets your nerves on edge? How about a smiley sshhhh? And whisper that you're trying to get the baby to sleep?

Sounds like they don't realise how loud they are.

If your 3 year old understands that the baby needs sleep is there any way she could be the one to put her finger to her lips and say 'shhhhhh granny, the baby is sleeping'.

I totally understand your pain. My ex-inlaws are so fucking loud it defies science. Slamming doors, cabinets, drawers, whatever can possibly be slammed. The TV is on ALL the time, even if no one is watching, and the volume is ALWAYS AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE. I am still close with them and thinking clearly in their home is a total impossibility. My nerves are fucking shredded by the time I leave.

Mine are like this too. It was unbearable when the kids were babies. We look back and laugh now because the kids are old enough to tell them to be quiet and stop shouting so they can go to sleep, but the highlight/lowlight was FIL basically being sent out in fabricated errand to get him out of the house whilst we tried to settle the kids then coming back an hour later and falling over the buggy, through the porch door and into a crockery cabinet. Obviously everyone woke up. He is like frank spencer...

Oh this takes me back.
I once lost it completely and told my fil he wouldn’t be allowed to visit if he couldn’t be quiet while my baby was sleeping.
Luckily they realised I’d been driven mad by sleep deprivation and forgave me.

If your 3 year old understands that the baby needs sleep is there any way she could be the one to put her finger to her lips and say 'shhhhhh granny, the baby is sleeping'.

Yes, get DD to do this! They can't take offence at an adorable toddler asking them not to wake the baby.

Oh dear, it sounds like they are going a bit deaf.
DH is, after years using power tools he now grumbles about people muttering, has the tv turned up and his already loud voice can really boom. I have to speak up as well or he can't hear me.
We can't help it, sorry!
I know I'm not your mil btw as my DGC are older....

Chesterado your description of your FIL’s antics made me proper chuckle.

It is annoying. I'm sure (hopefully) they are not doing it on purpose. Say something to them, like how tired you are and you really need their help to get baby to sleep so you can take a little time out. If it doesn't work, remember this time will pass quicker than you think it will. You're not staying with them all the time and the nap stage will change soon enough anyway. If you get on with them generally then you are lucky to have nice in laws, so its better to try and deal with it in a nice way.

I have this problem with my parents. Dad has hearing problems so TV is always loud, he and mum talk really loudly. I used to do this when I lived at home, got rid of it when moved out.

Firstly
Babies learn to sleep with the general hubub of daily noise. arrrgghhhh some do but my first & third never did (the ten yr old still cant sleep if there is ANY noise). It's not pandering or being fussy as my MIL (who had 2 children who would sleep through a brass band) thought it's because people & therefore babies are different. Ah, that feels better!

If out mine slept in sling on my chest & i used to put my hands over their ears as the lovely loud dog walkers said hello. Can you cover ears & move away from noisy in laws i would also glare

My ILs used to do this - SO annoying. Both at their house and our house. My 2 were both very bad sleepers. We had door slamming as well as shouting. My Sister and BIL also the same (until they had kids of their own...). I think that people just don't realise how loud they are. Doubt they are doing it deliberately. I cut down massively on visits as a result. Don't know what to suggest. I used to ask DH to talk to them/distract when they were doing it, but that was hit and miss. I feel your pain OP

I'm going to try getting my three year old to sshh them, but she's not the best at carrying out instructions! We'll probably stay over again in a months time so hopefully baby will be more resilient by then!