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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to ask dh for help.

19 replies

Fertile87 · 29/01/2018 06:58

I'm days away from being 9 months pregnant.
I have moved my whole life and my 2 and half year old dd to my mothers house in the country for the past 3 to 4 months as my pregnancy has been rough to say the least. Unplanned total surprise!

My mother works 3 days a week and my father is well slightly helpful!
My dd has a persist cold and my mother has to work up until i go in for a c section only reason i am having one is so that everyone can be present... like dh who works full time, though i would prefer to try and have a vbac!!
Anyway, aibu to ask dh to come a day earlier than scheduled ie missing work for a day more than the two weeks he is taking off to help me out as i am already tired and have trouble sleeping as is, and this is the third night now dd has been battling this cold.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 29/01/2018 07:11

No of course you're not unreasonable to ask him

RosyPrimroseface · 29/01/2018 07:17

Will he have paternity leave? if that is 2 weeks you might want to try and save it so he can help take care of 2 year old and get to know newborn. If he is just saying he's going to take some time off you should definitely push him to take as much as he can. It sounded a bit odd saying he was taking 2 weeks to "help you out". It's his children too presumably.
And months at your mum's house seems quite full on - fair play you have had a rough pregnancy but I can't help wondering what he's been doing? Can be not come at the weekend and take on the 2 year old entirely??

RosyPrimroseface · 29/01/2018 07:18

actually baby might be here by weekend. You're having a section because your husband works??

NerrSnerr · 29/01/2018 07:23

How many people are being present at the birth? It’s a bit odd that you’re having a section so multiple people can be present. Most people I know the husband works up until the birth and he finishes work when he gets ‘the phone call’ and then comes for the birth.

If you need help from him before this then ask him. Does he have annual leave he can take before the baby comes?

outofmydepth45 · 29/01/2018 07:23

Where are you located, never heard of a c-section for dads convienance. Vbac if not medically unwise would have you back to 'normal' quicker

NerrSnerr · 29/01/2018 07:24

Or alternatively could you go home at night and he can help with the night time stuff with your daughter and he can then still go to work if needed?

XmasInTintagel · 29/01/2018 07:25

So is the plan to go home after the birth, or remain at your DMs? And is your DH away with work a lot and/or working long hours? Is it his business? Just trying to understand why you have this slightly strange set up, and, if he couldn't be much help for the last few months, how things will change when the baby comes. It doesn't sound like the kind of job where he can just decide to finish earlier...but I'm pretty shocked that you're already having a caesarian to fit in with his job :-O!

Snowysky20009 · 29/01/2018 07:27

Is there a big back story to this?

magpiemischief · 29/01/2018 07:41

I think you are being far too accommodating to your husband. Sheltering him from making the choice. Ask him. Expect him to step up and look after you and his children. What would he do if you had to stay in hospital? Delegate the responsibility to him. You need to go to hospital when the time comes and he needs to organise everything else.

On the other hand you will be fine in hospital if he is not there. The medical staff are there to ensure you and your baby are ok.

timeisnotaline · 29/01/2018 07:45

This is a very strange set up. I’ve never heard of scheduling a baby so the husband can attend - you give birth to the baby the best way possible whenever it happens and the Dad leaves work and turns up. It is also strange to go stay at your parents - was your dh no help when you were at home anyway?

IHaveACuntingPlan · 29/01/2018 07:51

Is your dh in the forces?
Yanbu to ask him if nothing else.

Appuskidu · 29/01/2018 07:52

Your midwife is supporting a c/s just so that more people can be present at the birth? Unusual-I wouldn’t have though the NHS felt that was a valid reason. Is it a large audience?

This is a very odd set up.

I don’t know anyone that moved back home for months just because they were pregnant.

Your mum is still working-isn’t this all a bit stressful for her? Are you planning to stay there for a while after the baby as well? For a week? A month? 6 years...? I feel sorry for your parents. Doesn’t your DH want you back home?

Original poster

Fertile87 · 29/01/2018 10:17

The back story is DH was out of work for a will previously and now has a new job and works 12 hour days 6 days a week.
He has come down a few times whilst at perants and we have gone home a couple.

I couldnt look after DD alone anymore I didnt think it was fair as some mornings i couldn't walk due to sciatic nerves and medicine!

DD, had also fractured her knee and so i was off work for 4 months before coming here leading to me being sacked, ie no income from my side. Previously had a c section so had the choice again. We decided maybe it would be better to have a prior plan!
DH working less than 6 months so no paternity leave.
DH not much help in evenings and on hes one day off hence my mums offer as we need the money!

Will stay until i can handle both children and find a live out nanny!

OP posts:

AngelsSins · 29/01/2018 11:01

I don't get why this man is having more children when he has no time for the one he already has. Sorry OP, I know that's not helpful to you, but I don't think parents should get to opt out of caring for their kids.

Why is he no help at weekends? Is anything child related your job? Why did you have to take 4 months off for your child rather than sharing the time off between you both? Was he even employed at that point? It's all just very weird, and no, YANBU to ask him to step up and do some of the work involved in having kids.

Flutterbyeee · 29/01/2018 12:48

It amazes me how many women decide raising a child is such hard work so expect others to take the slack. Stop getting pregnant if you find it so tough.

Appuskidu · 29/01/2018 12:57

Can you afford a live-out nanny?! Blimey.

Spartaca · 29/01/2018 12:57

That's what you take from this Flutter, that the woman with the tough pregnancy should have had her crystal ball ready to see that she would struggle...not that the other parent should be helping?

NerrSnerr · 29/01/2018 13:00

You might be fine to go home very soon OP. I had awful pregnancies and found having a baby and toddler much easier than being pregnant with one. Would you really need a live out nanny, especially as I’m assuming it’s likely your back will improve.

Original poster

Fertile87 · 29/01/2018 13:27

Thank you spartaca... I pray you never need any help with your children? Child? *flutterbyee! My mother and I are very close so she asked to help multiple times! My partner is a security manager at a luxury high street chain. And i am/was an environmental engineer! Being a stay at home mum alone was never the plan! I am exhausted (9 months in next few days) and i guess slightly perturbed by the situation i find myself in. Thank you all for your responses Dh is on hes way!

OP posts:

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