WIBU

[MrsMaxwell]

DS2 is nearly 16 and was diagnosed with Aspergers back in the day when it was such.

Never really allowed him different treatment from the others (older step sibling, two older siblings and two younger Step siblings) and proud of the fact he has navigated life pretty well. On track to get 8s in his GCSEs, done his silver D of E and signed up to do NCS in the summer even though he finds social situations really difficult.

He speaks to me really stroppily a lot which I pull him up on, sometimes he doesn’t mean to be rude other times I think he is being stroppy. He is a really gentle person though.

Today he walked through the house with his shoes on and we have wooden floors which I steam mopped yday and we have a rule of no shoes in the house and clearly I was annoyed as had cleaned them and pulled him up on it, he then called me a hypocrite as I walked through the house with my shoes on the other day as I got in from work and the kitchen bins were over flowing and I needed to empty them and had every intention of cleaning the floors this weekend.

He then told me and DH (his step dad) to fuck off which is totally unacceptable and then walked out of the house shoving DH and DH tried to physically restrain him and I panicked and got in between them (DSis over 6 foot tall and 11 year old DSD2 was sat there).

I feel like shit about this and am not sure why 😕

Was more worried about DH trying to deck him not the other way round.

I’m not sure what your WIBU is about.

I don’t know if I expect to much of him.

I think that this was a pick your battles moment.

Why did your DH try to restrain him?

Because he was going to walk out and we had an optitions appt we had been waiting for since xmas when DS broke his glasses and he has been wearing as old pair since then which are totally the wrong prescription and he cannot see properly.

I think that wasn't the moment to 'get at him'. you were totally reasonable, but your dealing with a Teen.

Have you asked him if something was going on for him that day?

I have had three teens (and their friends etc) and one has Autism. i'm not sure that you should have treated them all the same, tbh. The same isn't always equal.

You've also got to allow for different personalities.

All you can do is try to get him to open up. Physical stuff has to be an absolute no-no, though.

Treating all of your children the same is not treating them 'equally' so for that alone, YABVU.

Some children cope less with things than do others, and having the same expectations and holding them to the same standards, and not giving additional support is just not fair.

You made a judgment call about wearing shoes in the house and that's okay for you, but you do not allow the same rules for him - yes he's right, you were being a hypocrite. You might have had a justifiable reason for breaking the rule, but you still broke the rule. Were you told off?

tricky.

you want them to learn not to be rude/violent/obnoxious... but you also need to cut them a bit of slack because of their disability and teach that at receptive moments and not overwhelm them,

and to him you are a hypocrite. shoes on/shoes off, one rule for all. he would not have known you intended to clean the floor. he may also not have known that you had steam mopped the floor. applying subtleties to rules is much more difficult for asd kids.

TalkinBoutWhat I really don't think the shoe thing means the OP was being a hypocrite.
The common sense rule is "no shoes, except in certain situations like you know you are going to wash the floor next / there is an emergency situation / you are late and just need to step in to get your keys / you are desperate for the toilet and will wee yourself if you stop to take your shoes of / ... ".
However, you can't say this to a child. So you just say "no shoes".

Urubu - so effectively you tell a child 'no shoes for you, but I will do what I like without explaining myself'? That is the very definition of a hypocrite.