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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want a cleaner?!

16 replies

mousey100 · 28/01/2018 20:02

Warning - middle class problems...We had a cleaner, but being at home with a baby and have a 4yo and too much stuff in a small house, I found it really stressful. I’d spend ages tidying the night before so they could clean and then have to go out for the 2.5 hours that there were here (bc house is small!) They would generally arrive at 11 but sometimes 9, sometimes 12. None of these good for naptimes and obv baby routines change. After they accidentally left the back door open and unlocked, ripped a socket out of the wall and marked the worktop of our newly renovated home, I fired them. It was amicable.
However, now I do the cleaning myself which is much more thorough and satisfying, but I have to fit it in around baby in the week. It’s generally done every week, but sometimes it’ll be 10 days.
Husband hates it. If I ask him to take kids to the park for an hour so I can get the hoover round and clean a bathroom, he is full of resentment. He just says he wants to pay for a cleaner. Then I won’t be doing it (I rarely complain about it) but he absolutely doesn’t do a thing to clean. He does plenty around the house but no actual cleaning, as his reasoning is we should get a cleaner and he would pay.
AIBU to be pissed off when he complains massively about a bit of limescale on the tap ‘because we haven’t got a cleaner’. I clean it! I am the cleaner! That’s what happens between cleans. He is at liberty to take a scourer to it whenever he wants, but it’s beneath him, because he’d rather pay someone. I think he should try to empathise with the stress of juggling a baby and housework. Someone else coming in and buggering up the house is more stressful to me. He would never be here when they’d come or help tidy for their arrival. AIBU to not want a cleaner?

OP posts:
IJoinedJustToPostThis · 28/01/2018 20:07

He resents taking his kids to the park for an hour? Is he always that shit of a dad?

Pengggwn · 28/01/2018 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluelady · 28/01/2018 20:10

I'd take the cleaner option if I were you. Arrange that they always come at the same time when it's convenient for you then go and have coffee with a friend.

DanglyEarOrnaments · 28/01/2018 20:10

I think if a person chooses to clean themselves rather than hire a cleaner then their partner should be pleased with them for saving the household some money.

Certainly not picking holes in their 'performance'. I would tell him this if it were me!!

Aquamarine1029 · 28/01/2018 20:10

The biggest problem you have is your husband, not whether or not you have a cleaner. What a spoilt, selfish prick.

EggsonHeads · 28/01/2018 20:11

Honestly I think you have just had a very bad experience. How the hell does someone rip a socket out of a wall?! We have similar set up. I just pay the cleaner for extra time to tidy as well as clean and go upstairs while she is doing down stair and vice Verda. But I hate cleaning (and I'm hopeless at it) so I haven't got much of an option.

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 28/01/2018 20:12

Cleaner here!! Sounds like you didn't find the one suitable for you!!
I am never late, never off, never broken anything except a loo brush from over zealous scrubbing (non mn household ob!). My customers are very happy still after 6 years plus of my cleaning.
You could still send Twisty Fucker out with the dc, write a list for the new approved cleaner, then sit and mn while she does her stuff!!

EggsonHeads · 28/01/2018 20:12

Also I don't think your husband is being unreasonable. It would be more cost effective to hire a cleaner than to get him doing childcare. But oddthat he doesn't want to spend time with them but maybe he is upset that he doesn't get to spend time with you. Or is annoyed that the house isn't clean enough when it could be if you just hired a cleaner (this would drive me nuts too)

Bluelady · 28/01/2018 20:15

Only on MN would a man be a lazy, selfish shit for wanting to pay for a cleaner!

Dairymilkmuncher · 28/01/2018 20:15

Will he never take the kids out for you to have peace at home alone? Never mind cleaning but just so you can watch tv with a hot coffee? That's a bit shit

If I was you I'd get a better cleaner to come in, maybe a cleaning company? I love that night before mine come I'm forced to put away piles of laundry and clear worktops so that they can do their job properly. I've asked them to stick to mornings that I'm out each week with the kids during terms time and during holidays it doesn't clash with nap time so it's ideal for us and also means I come home to a clean house which is bliss

HRMumness · 28/01/2018 20:30

If your DH is willing to pay and it would make your life easier, get another cleaner. Get a reliable / good one who will turn up on a day / time that is suitable for you. Be ruthless until you find one you like! When I had both my DD at home, I had a cleaner come in first thing on the day we went to a regular baby group. I would get her to start downstairs so when we came home, she was finishing upstairs. It was lovely to come home to a clean house every week.

We did go through a phase of not having one now my DDs are older and at school / nursery so I have a few days to myself but we are having a new one start tomorrow. I just found I would waste one of my free days doing it really slowly or something would mean I had other things to do on those days (kids being sick, errands to run etc etc).

If you get a new one, can you concentrate on decluttering a little? I've spent my free time doing that lately and it's made such a difference.
Is there a way you can convince your DH to take the kids at the weekend? Just for some breathing space? Is there an activity he can take them to? A local soft play etc?

Passmethecakeplease · 28/01/2018 20:56

Ignore the issue of the cleaner in this situation, it's a red herring, your husband not wanting to take his kids out for a hour a week is the real problem!

robertaplumkin · 28/01/2018 21:44

just get a better cleaner!! tbh i know what you mean... i prefer to clean myself but it's hard with a baby around. i'll be organising a cleaner when i return to work definitely.

ps your husband sounds like a dick in case pp weren't clear enough!

bluesouper · 29/01/2018 08:41

DH sounds daft but why would he need to take the kids out so that you can hoover/clean a bathroom? Surely as long as he's watching the kids and they're not riding the hoover you can do that with them in the house?

BattleaxeGalactica · 29/01/2018 08:47

Sounds more like a dh issue to me. Does he take the kids off your hands without resenting it routinely?

Mammyloveswine · 29/01/2018 09:35

My husband tries to "clean" in our small house with also too much stuff... drives me mad as he doesn't tidy or even Hoover in the corners... we have a newborn and just turned two year old. I thought about getting a cleaner but the only thing I struggle to keep on top of is the ironing so thinking of getting someone in to do that!
Also would love a good morning or afternoon to do a thorough clean but similarly husband will take toddler for about an hour... When I go out I'll take both from 9 until 4 so he has time to crack on and then he'll play on his computer after the cleaning is done... I have to leave a list othereise half the stuff doesn't get done.. drives me mad as it's stuff he could do on s morning whilst I'm getting the children ready ie taking the recycling out, rinsing out the sink when the washing up is finished, putting the pots away off the draining board.. little things that make a big d8fference in a small house!

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