I seem to be struggling to bond with my child

[clearpaleblue]

Please let me be clear I do really love him and am not nasty or abusive in my actions.

But I am struggling to bond. I really don't like the way he smells a lot of the time and am sensitive to it. He has a habit of running up to me and breathing hard right in my face so whatever he's just eaten gets breathed on me. When I take off his nappy the smell from his bottom overwhelmes me even if he hasn't pood, it's like a fart gets trapped in there.

People laugh and say things like oh, such a typical boy as he's always messy and grubby and dirty but I find it revolting sometimes.

Is this a sign we are not well bonded? I do love him but sometimes feel disgusted too.

How old is he? I think it’s fine not to love bottom smells and you say you really do love him.

It sounds like you’re just very sensitive to smells? I get the breathing thing, I can’t bear it when DH breathes on me in bed at night, I always have to turn my back on him.

Do you enjoy cuddling up to him on the sofa etc? Watching tv or reading books together?

How old is he? I'm wondering if he's losing that baby smell (not counting nappies

*ds - sorry!

Sounds like you are very sensitive to smells and this is more of a sensory issue than a issue regarding your bond with your child.

Some nappies smell gross and my daughter had a really smelly bum that totally disappeared once she was potty trained.
Sounds like you are sensitive to smells so I would make sure you change the nappies really regularly.
Nightly baths with a beautiful smelling baby cream afterwards that you can massage in, will help with the 'smelling better' and also be a nice bonding activity for you both.

Do you stress about mess, dirt, smells in contexts other than your DS?

It’s hard to say how much of a problem it is but some children are smellier than others. I’ve got one clean child and one quite smelly sweaty child who needs more washing.

How often do you bathe him? Do you give him a proper bath every night? You could top and tail him in them morning too if you wanted as he's been in the same nappy every night.

Obviously babies sometimes create smells, but I can't remember anybody ever commenting to me that my DS was a 'typical grubby boy'. If people are saying that to you maybe he does need washing a bit more?

*same nappy all night

He has a bath every night but he's a toddler and finds mess! I wouldn't mind ordinary dirt exactly but it's constant snot and stickiness and food smears...

Thank you for being so nice!

I would just make sure you are never more than 3 feet away from a pack of wipes.

TBH I'm really not keen on grubby children either and cringe when I see photos of people's children where they are still wearing their last meal.

I think it's perfectly possible to keep a toddler snot and food free without being a clean freak. Just a really good wipe after every encounter with grub.

Zz I do. He is cleaned but he is a toddler and finds mess and stickiness and so on.

OP l remember feeling pretty disgusted at one stage by my Dcs general ponginess....Keep wipes in your handbag and clean him up throughout the day, wipe his nose, clean his hands.

When you go to the loo, take him and wash his hands with yours.

Also l used to take my toddler in the shower with me in the mornings, literally hold him against me, give him a quick shower, (Took 2 minutes) then settle him on a pile of dry towels, nappy on with a favourite car toy, while l showered, in the early evening l used to plonk him in the bath and use the shower hose for a quick clean up (5 mins)

I never used much soap though as it is so drying, but found l didn't need too. Also if he is crawling invest in the waterproof dungarees and put on over trousers daily in the winter months outside, you can go to ythe park, play in puddles and just peel them off and leave in the porch, with nice clean trousers underneath.

It does get easier...

If he’s a messy child then you might just need to give him a quick wipe more often. Some children are snotty and messy and some aren’t so much.

Yes, I do, thanks, but that's not really what I'm about here. Even when he's just been bathed it's like he's still mucky

Did you feel like this when he was a baby?

Even when he's just been bathed it's like he's still mucky

I think, as gently as possibly, it might be you then if you feel like this even when he must really be clean? Perhaps it would be good to go and see somebody about how you are feeling?

Tbh I would probably talk to somebody about this. My DS is 3 and about as grubby as a kid can get, I’m also pregnant and hyper sensitive to smells, but apart from particularly smelly poos I don’t have an issue with his smells. In fact I find his general/breath smell comforting in the way you would a much beloved toy as a child. I often sneak into his room to sniff him when he’s asleep! It’s biological.

I don’t think you have a really serious problem on your hands but I do think there could be something there.

I remember looking at my gorgeous toddler daughter with repulsion as she sat in her high chair, slowly munching on her toast fingers with green candles coming out of her nostrils.
I found her grim with a cold, poor thing, - obviously I didn’t treat her as repulsive, but I too am sensitive to body noises and smells, noisy eating renders me homicidal.
Maybe baths morning and night and a damp flannel in between so he can explore and get mucky without getting rank.

Sounds like a grubby tot to me, they’re still cute but they’re largely gross a lot of the time. It’s okay to see your child through realistic eyes.

I still think my Dc is the most beautiful but that doesn’t stop them smelling!

My DD is 14 now but she was like this,asnotty mess,always looked grubby,I hated when I'd just clean her and would turn and she'd have snot across her face,if you missed it it would dry and pucker her skin.
How long has this been the case for you?
I think seeing you GP and saying how you feel might help.I did.And my DD did pass through this phase and I felt better that someone was taking me seriously and not making me feel guilty.
You love him. That will still be there when this vile phase is through.