.... to not have joint finances?

[Poptart4]

Dh and I are married 14yrs with 3 dc, 4th on the way. The first few years together we put all our money into one pot. After a while I got fed up with this. Dh is a spender where as I would be more thrifty. This started to cause arguments between us as I felt most of our money was being spent on him. Mostly, imo, on frivolous things.

I decided about 10 yrs ago that I wanted to split our money. So his money was his and mine was mine. We both pay towards bills, etc. (I earn much more than dh so I pay a little more so it's fair) and then our money is ours to spend on what we please. At first dh was against this but he came round once the arguments stopped.

A friend recently found out we have separate finances and is horrified! She is wholy against this and says 'what's the point in being married?'

This is the same woman who secretly spends money behind her husbands back. She buys clothes and make up and hides them from him. If he sees something she lies about how much it cost. She also told her dh he couldn't have a particular set of golf clubs he wanted as they cost too much.

Im sure this goes on with alot of couples who have joint finances. I find grown adults having to ask permission to spend their own money rediculous. Hiding things they've bought so they don't get given out to also rediculous. I love having my own money and I love being free to spend it how I please without having to answer to anyone. And so does dh.

Why do people think it's so weird for a married couple to have separate finances? We are probably happier than most

DP and I have separate finances. Works for us.

No one else's business.

We have been married 15 years and have just opened a joint account as we got a cheque in both our names and couldn't bank it into either of pur accounts.
Do what suits you, can't see how It's anybody's business but your own.

My husband and I both have separate accounts and separate savings. We each have our own bills to pay and then the rest of the money is used how we like, we both tend to put some in savings. If we need something joint for the household or something joint we just both put money towards it. But if one of us needs something and doesn't have accessible funds, the other normally happily pays for it, and we often buy each other things the other would like. Works well for us

We have a joint account and our own accounts, we put a proportionate percentage of our earnings into the joint account and it's covers all joint expenses inc eating out, cinema etc. What's left in our own accounts we spend as we please. Anything big like holidays or house hold purchases we chip in separately for. Works for us.

I never wanted all in. It was always important to me to have control over my own money and pay my way. To have enough in my own account if I wished or needed to leave, My husband would have went all in and still would. However he's also the type to say "how much on a lipstick"when I earn it and it's fuck all to do with him. We are both very open about how much we earn and how much savings we have, and often discuss it.

We bought our first house 26 years ago and have been married 24. So works for us clearly.

I've been with DH 20 yrs, married for 10. We've never had any joint bank accounts. Each to their own.
We have decided to add each other's names to our accounts now though just incase the worst happens to either of us, bit gloomy but sensible.

We've been together 25 years, married for 14, 2 DC. We have separate finances, works for us.

We have separate finances. Wasn't what I'd grown up used to as my parents shared money to the extent of helping themselves to cash from each other's wallets, and it never caused any arguments. But DH had grown up differently and we have a similar arrangement to you OP. It allows you the pleasure of treating yourself, or treating your OH and saying "this is on me" which you can't really do when everything is shared

We didn't have joint finances. We looked at getting a joint account, but the country we lived in made it too complicated. We could have had a joint account if both our salaries were going into it, but not one where we just put in a contribution to costs, IYSWIM, so we stuck to separate.
My parents (both professionals) were married for 60 years and the one thing my mother says she regrets is having a joint account.