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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think DH is a selfish prick

39 replies

Emmawiggle · 28/01/2018 12:33

Hi MN's

Been lurking for a bit and this is my first post.
I am heavily pregnant with our third DC and was due to finish my last shift at work today.
My DH knew this but decided this morning that I could call my DM to mind our other DC even though my DM was feeling poorly.

He just left me and went to his hobby, without even caring that we had no one to mind DC while I finished up my last shift.
His hobby is a recent enough one that he has started up again after not doing it for 10years.
I ended up having to take my DC to work with me until selfish DH was finished with is hobby, needless to say my boss was not very happy.

I came home to sulking from him as I did actually send messages to him to say, that I felt his hobby was being put before his family and that If I were to do the same our DC would not be put first.
He has gone straight to bed after we put DC to bed and I am sitting in the living room, feeling like a dick, and wondering why the fuck is it always up to me to cater myself and my job and organise the Childcare and drop and pick up while he gets to flitter off and do whatever he feels like.
I am just so over it am I wrong to think he is a selfish prick?

OP posts:

SavvyBlancBlonde · 28/01/2018 13:16

It was your last shift at work and he pulls that trick?

Nope. He was being selfish and UR. He’s sulking because he knows you’re right.

VladmirsPoutine · 28/01/2018 13:18

If your relationship is generally collaborative and kind then you can put this aside but be warned with regard to your boundaries. When they are stretched you often lose yourself and don't know how you found yourself in the position you did. I don't want to see in a few years time on the Relationships board.
Take heed of small signs - why has he taken himself off to bed when there are two other dc that need to be cared for and entertained or fed or whatever else. Keep your wits about you and maintain a position that he is not doing you a favour. He, of his own volition, I assume married you and had children with you. He doesn't get the right to check-in and out of family life when it suits him. That ship sailed when you married and had a child.

LimpidPools · 28/01/2018 13:20

He's angry??!

Why? Cos you dared to question his decision to bugger off and leave you with no one to watch the kids while you were working?

VladmirsPoutine · 28/01/2018 13:21

@expatinscotland It's all the rage on MN, oftentimes I've suspected that said hobby is down the pub with friends or watching the footie with a can of Stella.

Original poster

Emmawiggle · 28/01/2018 13:22

He took himself to bed after we put the DC to bed, I am in the living room. I did put that in my original post. It's definitely something that can be put aside but I would definitely want to discuss it with him first and put us in the same page

OP posts:

Original poster

Emmawiggle · 28/01/2018 13:24

And no the "hobby" does not involve a pub and cans of Stella lol

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 28/01/2018 13:27

He wasn't just putting his hobby before his family, he was putting it before your job. You know, the job that helps you two keep a roof over your heads, food on the table, the heat on...

Shocking, really.

I'm sorry you're having another baby with a selfish man-child. He may truly think you're stuck and he can do what he likes. i hope you're not.

YoniHuman · 28/01/2018 13:36

YANBU - He was a selfish prick, especially if he can easily take the children to his hobby (what is it BTW)

QueenFrosta · 28/01/2018 13:37

Sometimes the best way to conceptualise a marriage is that you are the sergeant major and he is the squaddie.

Except she gets to be "Sergeant Major" of cleaning and childcare and household organization, and he gets to be "Sergeant Major" of doing whatever the fuck he likes and she is not even the squaddie but the skivvy.

Fairenuff · 28/01/2018 13:44

Odd behaviour for someone who isn't normally like this. I take it you're not in the uk if he and the children have gone to bed.

Original poster

Emmawiggle · 28/01/2018 13:49

So funny that's what you choose to focus on, serves me right thinking I would actually get support and guidance on this site.
I am not a fucking skivvy, I organise majority of childcare, pickups and drops offs as previously posted before because I work 2 days a week. I also posted that we share the things that need doing.
But because you are so focused that I apparently do all the house work etc from admittedly the wrong choice of words
I do my fair share in our household along with him.
Anyway cheers for the support I won't bother again 👍

OP posts:

araiwa · 28/01/2018 13:55

Woah

Good on you op

ChristmasCakes · 28/01/2018 17:38

The hobby has to be golf. This is how golf husbands act.

babyccinoo · 28/01/2018 18:20

Emmawiggle - you got lots of support on this thread. What are you annoyed at?

You should be angry at your H, not posters taking the time to reply to you.

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