Am I being taken advantage of by my girlfriend?

[caketree93]

I originally had this over in money but then I realised this forum existed and for starters, I love that there is a whole section dedicated to 'am I being unreasonable'

I’m 24 (female) and I’ve been with my girlfriend (27) about a year. She is ina very low paying job with little education. I have much more education but was making similar money to her. I stopped working in November to study for my exams, and i had savings to that end. I should preface this with the fact that my girlfriend is head over heels for me, so I feel like shit being so resentful.

For the last few months, there is constantly some reason she has no money. Some of them were legitimate, but I can’t shake the feeling that had she been more proactive they would have resolved quicker (ie had she gotten angrier with the bank when they were doing things wrong). Then she promised she was going to take back up her studies or in some other way change career to make a little more. This was originally meant to be January, now it’s likely to Be March and she’s talking about essentially just taking whatever she can get.

I understand it’s easier for me because I have more opportunities and am generally better at handling admin problems. But I am also broke as a result of paying for all our groceries, going out, her phone/médical bills etc. It’s not that she necessarily asks me for money but if i don’t pay, she’s like oh I don’t need to go get that prescription (meaning she is sick and I have to mind her) or she has no phone or there is no food in the house. It is likely close to 1000e I have given her directly or indirectly at this point. If I don’t pay for drinks/cinema etc, we just spend all our time at home watching Netflix while she gets stoned with her housemate.

I know the next thing is like 'do non expensive dates' but its always me who has to suggest things and she says no to everything. Even when it comes to doing other stuff...its just all done badly. If she cooks, its things that she likes. She refuses to leave the light on in our room so i can study while she watches tv, but then she complains when i move to the sitting room. Sometimes it seems like she's making an effort and I feel mean but it feels like the effort I'd expect from a 5 year old, not my partner.

It seems to me that the issue isn't just the money but her unwillingness to compromise or consider your needs. She won't even cook what you like when you're paying for the food and you can't switch a light on when you're contributing to the bills?! It really doesn't sound like she cares as much about you as you do about her, certainly not in a practical way. And she is being manipulative, she doesn't have to directly ask for money, if she says she's not going to get medicine then she knows you will step in and pay for it. It's irresponsible for her to not spare a tenner for a prescription but then take drugs. Enabling her behaviour isn't healthy for either of you. She should be your equal partner, not your responsibility.

Yep, this has run its course. She's 27; she's too old to be still acting like this. It's very unlikely to change now.