Is it ok not to respond?

[SenoritaViva]

I fell out with someone a year and a half ago. She did something stupid and unkind towards me (not a huge issue but I called her out on it) and her reaction was to blame me entirely and be aggressive, rude and somewhat abusive (via messaging rather than verbally). I did not respond to this.

A whole year goes by and she sends me a text at Christmas. I didn't respond because I was poorly and didn't know what to say.

I have now received another message from her, a full blown apology and a heart wrenching 'I guess we won't be friends etc'.

Am I unreasonable to just not reply? I think if she really valued our friendship she should have sent this a year ago! I don't miss her particularly and suspect she is a social climber (not that being friends with me is the climbing bit just that I don't like her falseness) and is only apologising to make herself feel better.

If I am honest I have thought about our falling out, sometimes I wish I'd said a piece of my mind but felt that time had passed and I'd opted for walking away so I should stick to that. For the record I haven't fallen out with anyone before so I'm not used to this!

Also, if I bump into her (entirely possible at some point) do I just blank her? I don't hate the woman, I just didn't like her when I felt she showed her true colours.

If you think it's very possible you might bump into her at one point, I think you should reply to her text with something generic or telling her "thanks, i'm ok with where we are now" etc, so if you see her you can just say hi and keep walking, instead of worrying about being awkward.

Ignore the message. If you ever bump into her smile and keep walking. She has no business knowing she did impact or that you give a flying fuck.
"People I once met" phrase used in red dwarf. But great to keep front and centre in your mind with people that are not worth your effort.

Yes, I too would perhaps text back saying something like "apology accepted. I think we've both moved on now haven't we?"

Just thank her for sending the message and be polite but distant if you bump into her. Holding grudges never helps anyone. You don't sound like someone who has to blank people in the streets or ignore people due to various fall outs, so I wouldn't bring that kind of drama llama nonsense into your life now.

Ignore it. Maybe she was and got brave!

Agree with PPs. I’d say something like, “thank you for getting in contact and apologising. I don’t have any harsh feelings towards you however I don’t think our friendship can return to what it used to be. I wish you well and if I see you around I’ll be sure to say hi.”

You need closure or you'll be worried about awkwardness if you bump into her around town.

'I appreciate your apology, but I don't feel we could be close friends again'

just reply "no worries' and if you see her say hi keep walking.

I'd acknowledge her latest text but keep it short and clear that nothing more will come of the friendship now.

A 'thanks for the apology'

Nothing more. Then at least you can nod and smile as you pass her.

Tempting to ignore. But it depends on what you want for your future.

I made the mistake once of responding to something that I thought was an olive branch. It ended up smacking me around the head, so my view of these things is tempered by that.

On the other hand, I lost touch with a friend for a few years. We'd had words due to her behaviour when my Mum died. I did miss her though. One day when I was her neck of the woods I went to her work (small family shop). Not sure what reaction I was expecting or hoping for. She saw me, flew around the counter and held me so hard. We've been friends again since, though not as was it works for us.

What I'm trying, badly, is to say it really depends on the circs - in my first example I'd quite happily never see or hear from the person again, but sometimes, now that I'm better healthwise than I was back then, I'd almost like a chance to clear the air and categorically refute her ridiculousness;, whereas in the second I'm happy I gave the friendship another chance and I have my friend back.

Depends what she did and how I felt now ... sounds like you're not bothered so just say you've moved on

I had a falling out with someone who had been my bf since highschool. We kinda drifted through out 20's but kept in touch via facebook and 6 monthly meetups. When we met up she used to get me to try to "admit" that my current bf wasnt as good a bf as she had been and that really she was still my bf. At one of these meetups she said something horrible which was the last straw i phoned her a taxi and that was it. She sent a text the next day apologising and i said ok no probs and was willing to put it down to the drink consumed... her next message was a joke about what we had fallen out over making light of it (to do with a long term illness I have) I immediately deleted her number and blocked her on facebook and have subsequently changed my number... I feel that she knows where I live.. if she REALLY wanted to repair the friendship she could turn up with flowers or put a note or card through my door... I have mellowed out a bit over it so if I met her i would give her a hug and ask after her family and wouldnt feel embarrased about the break up but after that i would say nice to see you then move on. Sometimes the best thing for you is for the friendship to be over and protect yourself going forward. Just do whats right for you and if you do see her do what feels right at the time but dont forget how bad she made you feel at the time xxxx

It depends what she did and if you were good friends before the said incident. Everyone makes mistakes or does stupid things they regret and her reaction to you calling her on it may have been embarrassment or something else. Perhaps there was some things you don't know about at the time that made her react like that? Was it normal behaviour for her?

If you think you want to be friends again, then reply and see how it goes. If she did something so bad you can't get past it, then reply and tell her you can't get past it. I wouldn't just ignore though. Unless the thing she did was sleep with your dh or something!

Thanks for your replies.

Annoyingly the fallout was over social media which I'm embarrassed about. I posted something (such a rare event). which she took a screen shot and sent it someone I work with (with a view to being 'critical of my work'). Work were totally puzzled as to why she would think it inappropriate but nevertheless she brought my home life into my workplace (I keep my social media and professional life separate but she knows someone I work with and I hadn't linked the two). I immediately deleted her from my social media.

Later she admitted she'd had some wine and was being gossipy but not without being incredibly rude about me and my judgement. It would've all blown over if she'd said a heartfelt sorry at the time.

I don't want to be horrible to her neither particularly niceness I certainly don't want to reignite any dialogue.