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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what I should do now?

9 replies

WonderingDaisy · 28/01/2018 00:56

I have children with exh who has mental health difficulties. As a result we have not seen him him person for the last at least seven years as he feels he cannot cope with seeing them. At one point we had free skype and a phone number he could call for free but he never did over the last seven years.

The only method of contact that we had was Facebook and messages on there range from every nine months plus to every couple of weeks. On at least three occasions he has split up with his girlfriend and deleted his Facebook due to arguments but he has always come back. This time he hasn't.

He has an email address for the kids he has never used.
The phone number he has is one we have not used in years and has probably been reassigned to someone else by now. If he rings or texts it he will get someone else and probably suggest I have given him the wrong number. We have not its just that he hasn't contacted in seven years outside of Facebook.

So basically at the minute bar the email he has which I have no idea if he still has he has no way of contacting us and although I know his address vaguely but cannot remember the house number and it is miles from us I have no way of contacting him.

The kids are not fussed, they have not seen him in so long they have no real relationship with him.

But I do not know what to do. TBH with his mental health problems I worry about him freaking out when he realises he cannot contact us and I have no idea what he might do.

I do not have his email.
Help!

OP posts:
Domino20 · 28/01/2018 00:59

But surely he could have had this 'freak out' years ago and you don't know about it? Why are you pondering on this right now? Yes, it's not great that he's ill but it's also not your responsibility?

RedHelenB · 28/01/2018 00:59

Has he got your address?

Aquamarine1029 · 28/01/2018 01:00

Honestly, I don't understand why you even care if you ever contact him again. Good riddance.

BulletFox · 28/01/2018 01:00

Can you contact any of his friends/family?

Is his number written down anywhere e.g. old diaries?

WonderingDaisy · 28/01/2018 01:05

He changes his number all the time. I have an old number that probably is not valid.
I do not have contact for any of his family.
He has not got our address as the kids did not want him to come to the house and we moved.
I am worried he will turn up at my sisters house and start kicking off tbh.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 28/01/2018 01:10

Warn your sister and tell her what contact info to give him if he turns up.

Thymeout · 28/01/2018 01:17

Can't he just reactivate his Facebook if he wants to get in touch with you? This is how he's used to contacting you, not by phone or email. He does know how to contact you, if he wants to. Why would he go round to your sister's and kick off, when all he has to do is message you via Facebook?

It sounds as if you're projecting your anxiety about not being able to contact him. It obviously worries you to be out of touch more than him. Is there anything else that is making you anxious at the moment?

WonderingDaisy · 28/01/2018 01:27

No I do not mind at all not being in touch with him. I worry what he will do if he cannot get in touch with us!

OP posts:
Failingat40 · 28/01/2018 01:30

He knows he can find you on Facebook.

He's a grown man, you need to chill out.

He's not your responsibility.

After 7 years why would he suddenly change his behaviour now?

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