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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

don’t mind paying more than my fair share when it comes to splitting a bill...

26 replies

GottadoitGottadoit · 27/01/2018 20:50

...but I do mind when someone makes it look like I’m being mean!!!

Ok, so I meet up with 2 other mums and our DDs for drinks and lunch with our DDs this afternoon.

We start out with cocktails, then two of us order wine between us, then we order food for my DD who is super hungry, then food for everyone, then two other people join us and then leave and have drinks and some of the food (think shared plates and tapas)

All quite complex in terms of the bill, but I don’t really worry since were all having a great time.

Then at the end of the day the two additional people have kept tabs of how much they’ve had and contribute that amount.

Fine.

Friend 2 says, I’ve only had this, so here’s the money.

Fine.

Of the bill that was left, I knew that I had had an additional children’s meal (6.50) but friend 1 had had an additional flatbread (6.50)and and a couple of glasses of wine (£8.50 each).

So at this point, with a bill as long as my arm, I said , well shalll me and friend 1 split the bill (a bit drunk, generous, and can’t be arsed with the maths) and friend 2 chips in with ‘Oh but you had the extra children’s meal’. And insisted on friend 1’s behalf that I pay extra, even though I knew that I owe less. I KNOW THE MUMSNET MASSIVE WILL SAY I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING AT THIS POINT BUT WE HAVE 3 VERY TIRED CHLDREN AND A LONG BILL BETWEEN US HERE!!!

I am sure that if friend 1 realised that she owed more she would have paid it, but I think she’s the kind who is used to other people paying her way. Friend 2 thinks that Friend 1 is a bit vulnerable and I think was fighting her corner FOR NO GOOD REASON and made me look like some kind of twat who was trying to get away with paying less, when I was actually paying more.

I feel like texting Friend 2 and saying something like ‘in future I am happy for you to work out your own bill, but as I was actually being generous offering to split the remainder 50/50 I would appreciate you butting out when I am working out mine.’

I have probably only only overpaid by about £15 but I am annoyed that she made it look like I was trying to get away with something, when actaually I was being generous.

Friend 1 earns twice what I do and friend 2 earns about 4x as much.

It’s almost certainly not worth me saying anything, but it’s the first time we’ve all been out and has left a sour taste.

Maybe I’m influenced by the fact that their kids were a bit (only a teeny tiny bit), mean to my DD at one point.

OP posts:
Changednamejustincase · 27/01/2018 20:53

That would annoy me too. I'd rage over it for a while but it is pointless as it is done now.

Pickleypickles · 27/01/2018 20:55

Next time you go out, add up what you had and put down your share first, then you dont have to have the awkward conversation you didnt have but should of had at the time.

FiveLittlePigs · 27/01/2018 20:55

I would say "we've had this and this is what we owe" and plonk it down. Friend 1 knew very well what she ate and drank.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 27/01/2018 20:58

I would send that message to let her know that you have your eye on her.

Royalfuckup · 27/01/2018 20:59

I’m annoyed for you OP.

I had something similar when I went out with four veggie friends and expected me to subsidise their meals as “we all shared the veggie options”.

No we did not. You shared your multiple veggie options between the four of you whilst I had ONE dish to myself.

So I understand the awkwardness when you’re in.

HolyMountain · 27/01/2018 21:02

It’ll gnaw away at you and fester.

I’d be inclined to text your mate who intervened and point out what you’ve said here.

usernameunavailable · 27/01/2018 21:15

Next time ask the restaurant for separate bills then you all pay for what you've had

Ireallylovetea2 · 27/01/2018 21:19

I had something similar years ago. I went out with 2 friends that I knew and 5 of their friends that I didn't know. All of them worked together and were well paid, whereas I wasn't working at the time because I was a carer for someone close.

I had a very limited amount to spend and needed to drive home so I wasn't drinking, which I'd explained to my closet friend in advance (and said if it would be awkward I wouldn't go, but she assured me it would be fine and really wanted me there).

They all had starters, main, dessert and 3 or 4 alcoholic drinks each, whereas I only had a main and tap water to drink. When it came to pay one of the others I didn't know said: " We've all had about the same so why don't we just split it 8 ways?" I waited for my friends to say: "Well, X didn't, so let's split it 7 ways once she's paid her share", but she kept quiet, so I ended up having to say something myself and it was then a really uncomfortable atmosphere because they obviously didn't know my circumstances and just thought I was being awkward.
Needless to say I left straight away after that and had words with my friend at a later date.

Ireallylovetea2 · 27/01/2018 21:20

YANBU though, that was mean of her and designed to make you feel bad.

bridgetreilly · 27/01/2018 21:22

You always, always, decide beforehand whether you're each paying your own, or splitting the bill. And in a situation like this, each paying your own sounds much more sensible.

Bluntness100 · 27/01/2018 21:22

If you were all a bit drunk (with kids? Where's my judgey pants ) could it have just been confusion rather than malice?

GreenTulips · 27/01/2018 21:26

Cocktails and kids are not a good combination.

I think you need to clam down and make better arrangements for next time and you work out your own bill like everyone else did

tellitermine · 27/01/2018 21:27

Cocktails with kids? How did you get home?! Not sure whether I think you're mad, want to judge you or am jealous!
Are you still drunk? Definitely don't text if you are!

ThisIsTheVoice · 27/01/2018 21:44

Can I tell my awesome and 100% true bill splitting story? Friend's 30th, bottomless set menu, Greek restaurant. I wasn't well and phoned to say I couldn't go, but friend was upset so I agreed to pop in and say happy birthday. Got there near end of meal. There were about 10 other people as well as my friend, all drinking wine and/or Champage. I asked for tap water and waiter asked if I wanted food. I said I didn't as wasn't feeling well, but he brought me a small plate of spinach and feta and winked saying it was part of the bottomless menu so no charge. I didn't eat it as had upset tummy. 20 minutes later they all got up to leave and my "friend" asked me for £26. My jaw dropped. I said all I had was tap water. Another girl said "I didn't have any alcohol either but I'm still paying!"...though she'd at least had a whole meal. My friend started getting shirty with me, so I slapped £5 on the table and left. No longer my friend at all, though took a fair few other unpleasant incidents for me to bravely tell her to get stuffed!

Original poster
GottadoitGottadoit · 27/01/2018 21:49

Cocktails with kids? How did you get home?! Not sure whether I think you're mad, want to judge you or am jealous!
Are you still drunk? Definitely don't text if you are!

Actually, as I was typing this up, I did think... ‘actually it was a great afternoon, get me moaning about how the bill for cocktails was split* Grin

And yes, I am still a bit drunk!

Live in the city centre, so no probs getting home!

OP posts:
mumpoints · 27/01/2018 21:55

ThisIsTheVoice That is awful!

Original poster
GottadoitGottadoit · 27/01/2018 21:56

ThisIsTheVoice Wow. That takes the biscuit!

I don’t think either of them acted out of malice, so that makes me feel better. I think Friend 2 is natuarlally the interfering type and I might mention something the next time I see her, but texting would inflame things needlessly.

OP posts:
MsHomeSlice · 27/01/2018 22:01

I am still Hmm about going to a friends for chinese, her two teens were there, and there were two other adults.....can you guess what happened?
Food was ordered and we collected as delivery was going to be for fucking ever...she ordered for the kids too and split the bill four ways...cheap saturday night take out for her and the kids then

Same friend...iffy main course, knocked off the bill, it was a set menu type thing (this is important)and we were all on the vino so bill was spilt evenly until she pipes up "oooh my main was comped" and proceeds to know the FULL main course off her total

Same friend...notorious for saying " I have no cash, I'll pick up the bill and pay with my card" ....knowing full fucking well everyone has passed over £15/20 for their lunch including a tip and she just pays the grand total and pockets the cash.

We are no longer friends.

MsHomeSlice · 27/01/2018 22:02

knock, not know!! end of second paragraph!

HoppyHannah · 27/01/2018 22:05

Why not state at the start how things will be split.

It is when someone decides for everyone else, that seems to be a pain. And I agree it is. Just sort it out before you order.

tellitermine · 27/01/2018 22:08

Cocktails with kids? How did you get home?! Not sure whether I think you're mad, want to judge you or am jealous!
Are you still drunk? Definitely don't text if you are!

Actually, as I was typing this up, I did think... ‘actually it was a great afternoon, get me moaning about how the bill for cocktails was split* 

And yes, I am still a bit drunk!

Live in the city centre, so no probs getting home!
*
*
Well I'm definitely jealous now, we live in the countryside and have to drive everywhere, I'm originally a Londoner so a lunch like this is just a mere fantasyGrin
Glad you had a good time even if things did work out a little unfair!

Cherrycokewinning · 27/01/2018 22:09

It sounds like my kind of Saturday! As the others said I think I’d fine but try to forget about it. These things happen

SandAndSea · 27/01/2018 22:12

You could text something like,

"I'm feeling a bit funny about what happened over the bill today. Hope you don't think I was trying to get out of paying my share? I don't think you realised that XXX actually had 2 more wines than me. I was so thrown by what you said that I ended up significantly over-paying. Probably best if we each just pay for our own next time."

Just an idea. You could just leave it.

Cherrycokewinning · 27/01/2018 22:17

That’s a great text sand

HoppyHannah · 27/01/2018 22:17

SORT these mutual parties out at the beginning, please.

Otherwise some of you come across at tight arsed fkrs.