AIBU to want to be. Godparent just once?!!!

[SecretDisneyAddict]

First off: I know I cannot dictate how other people think/act.
But I'm hurt and I feel that one of my friends at some point should realise how upset I am...

I had my daughter when I was in my very early 20's. Many of my friends 'dumped' me- I was just back from uni, they thought I'd thrown my life away, they wanted to see the world and do amazing independent things... I couldn't and they ghosted me one by one. My abusive boyfriend and I split up, I was a homeless single mum with a baby. So I get it.
3 of my amazing friends were great. They lived far away but if I needed a cry or to share my daughters milestones with someone, they were always there. I made them all my daughters god parents.

We now live much closer to each other and now we are mid 30's, they each now have young children of their own. We are all close, see each other all the time, our kids are like cousins.
All 3 have given their children (6 combined) 3 God parents. And none of them have asked me.

I work with kids, they all say I've done an amazing job on my own, that my daughter is a credit to me, that I've made a great life for us with zero input from her dad.

So why aren't I good enough to be a godparent?!!!!
I'm so upset about it.

I organised baby showers for 2 of them, I babysit, I've been to baby scans when the dads haven't been able to go, I've cried with them through IVF, and cried with happiness with them at every single positive pregnancy test.
Why aren't I good enough?

Edit- ditto people who get married in churches because 'it looks nice in the photos'

Do your friends wrongly think godparents are responsible for looking after the child if something happens to the parents?

Why on earth would someone who is non religious stand in a church and promise in front of a god they don't believe in to bring their child up in the way of that religion? It's baffling.
It's all about parties, presents & pretty photos and bugger all about God

It's bloody rude, that's what it is @Nikephorus and I say that as a staunch atheist!

And me accidentally

Actually I get it. We have a large family and most of the dc have one related godparent and one friend. I’ve never been asked. I haven’t taken it personally but it might have been nice.

As the years have gone by I’m very close to some of the dc ( now young adults) so it definitely doesn’t have to affect your relationship with them.

I'm another who doesn't understand christening children and being a godparent if you aren't religious?

What's that all about?

Baffled.com.

YANBU if they are not religious.

I think that christenings are like weddings: they've traditionally been carried out in a religious context but formally introducing your child to the world falls into the same category as formally announcing the permanence of your relationship. I suspect both predate Christianity and were then absorbed into the church in the same way as important festivals like midwinter/Christmas.

Some people, including friends of ours, want to do those ceremonies in the Church despite not having particular religious beliefs because for them it gives the occasion an extra sense of significance and the connection to tradition is important to them. For the friends I'm thinking about it was also a way of connecting with a close relative who'd died a few years before but whose important life occasions had all been in the same church.

So when I was asked to be a godparent by those not particularly religious friends I saw it as an expression of closeness to their family and a request to take a particular interest in the upbringing of their son. I made sure they were clear that I wouldn't be able to provide religious guidance, they knew that and that wasn't what they wanted, so I was (and am) happy to do it. It was an honour to be asked. I can see why you would be upset that you haven't been.

notfucking what you say makes sense, and I would certainly be happy to be a supporter in a naming ceremony for a friend's child but I certainly wouldn't be up for standing in a church and promising something that ain't going to happen in a million years and I have no belief in. Why would any parent want someone there who doesn't believe in the ceremony they've put effort into organising? Very strange.

Thanks for everyone who understands where I'm coming from... The atheist at a christening thing is a separate issue as most seem to recognise. None of us are religious- read the previous explanation.

I used the term ghosted as that's what happened- unreturned texts, calls, not included in birthday celebrations, days out, eventually deleted from social media.
Ghosted is what the kids are calling it. I work with kids so have picked it up. It wasn't a natural drifting of a (or many) friendships, I was cut out, making my bond with the circle of friends I'm talking about in this thread, even stronger.
Really don't understand why some posters pick up on a random word or phrase in a clearly emotive thread and criticise when they clearly know what the OP is attempting to explain.

Might it be because they have kids the same age as each other and yours is older? My husband’s godparents all had kids the same age as him and his sister, and they also had no cousins, so this was like creating cousins.

I get it OP, I would also feel hurt - but this is Mumsnet, you’ll always get your posts picked apart by some people!

Are you religious?

Ironically, being a 'good Christian' would mean you shoot to the bottom of my list. DH is a very lapsed Catholic. When our children were christened, the godparents checking with me that they didn't "have to take them to church" was reassuring!

I understand why you're upset @SecretDisneyAddict I would be too. I have two best friends and they both are my first sons godmums. And my second son has my first best friend (friends for over 20 years)'s sister, as we are like family and she's amazing with my boys. The 20 year best friend has a daughter and I would have been godmum if they were in anyway religious but they aren't so aren't having a christening. But I'm not hurt because I am like her Aunty anyway, and that's good enough for me. My other bestie hasn't got any kids yet but she would ask me I know it (previous convos) xxx

It is possible that they are using the godparent thing as a way to strengthen bonds with people, and they actually already feel your bond is strong.

We don't have children and I'm already a bit concerned about the godparent thing. And again, we're atheist so it won't be a religious ceremony but we will have a welcoming ceremony and we will appoint godparent-like roles. Between us we're already godparent to three friends' children, and I would rather involve two of my close friends who were my bridesmaids and don't live in the country because it's a way to signal that I want them to still be involved with my family yet I'm worried there's an implication there should be reciprocity.

I know one friend who is very hurt at not having been godparent to any of our mutual friends three children, despite being her bridesmaid. It's bloody hard when people are chosen like this in limited numbers. I don't know if saying anything is worthwhile but I do understand why you're hurt by it, however sometimes people chose to leave out the dependable person they assume won't be upset.!

dotdot It was important to them for reasons that don't have much to do with God. They know that I won't be literally abjuring the devil etc on behalf of their son but I will be there for him morally, emotionally etc.

I suppose it's metaphorical, though I don't think they'd describe it that way. I won't be doing it for my own kids but I can see where they're coming from.

I get it not, at least I understand that people have to do what feels right for them. I just wish that folk would be more honest about the place that religion has in their lives and live accordingly rather than blindly follow traditions.

Were they Catholic baptisms?

If so, the God parents must be Catholics who have received the sacrament of Confirmation.

When I had my Ds 21 years ago I wasn't married, I was an atheist and my DP (now DH) had Muslim parents, although he doesn't practice Islam.

My DM asked if she could organise a christening for him and was most put out when I explained that he wasn't going to be a christian child. Apparently it's just 'what you do' when you have a baby.

Obviously, neither Ds nor Dd were christened. Neither appear to have gone to the dark side (although their bedrooms do look a bit hellish sometimes).

Yanbu at all, if you are like one big family, why don't you talk to them about it. And how hurt you are. I would back off a bit, stop being so giving and available.