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AIBU?

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Original poster

Small house party..

19 replies

LittleMe03 · 27/01/2018 15:25

On Thursday was a good friend of mines birthday and so she held a small party last night at her house, just close family and friends.

I text her yesterday and asked her if there was anything she would like me to bring with me.. mostly thinking soft drinks/nibbles (friend knows that I was driving and wouldn't be drinking and could also not stay the whole evening)

She replied to say nibbles were sorted but bring a bottle of spirits as she was asking everyone to bring a bottle of some form of spirits or wine, but thought most people would bring wine.

I reminded her I would not be drinking and only staying a few hours and reminded her why. She then replied, yes make sure you bring whatever you want to drink too then.

I did ask... so then felt obliged and went to the shop to buy a 35cl bottle of Smirnoff vodka, as well as a 2l bottle of coke, Fanta and sprite.

I arrive at the party and followed my friend to her kitchen to add my drinks to the others, she picks up the vodka and says 'oh that will last a long time' sarcastically.

I kept quiet because it was her party but it's been on my mind since... so I text her an hour ago and said,

'Hey, hope you had a good night last night. I have to be honest and say I was a little annoyed last night when you joked about the vodka not lasting long. I was not drinking alcohol and I think it was a decent thing for me to do to still being a bottle, even if small'

I have had no reply. I don't want to fall out with her but wanted to tell her my thoughts on the matter. AIBU?

OP posts:
GetShitDone · 27/01/2018 15:28

Cheeky mare! Standard here is to take enough to cover start you'll drink. So in your case, soft drinks is fine.

She's a CF to expect spirits and even more so to complain when you actually brought some!

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/01/2018 15:30

Thanks. I did have the attitude to begin with that I did ask if she wanted me to bring anything.. it was her comment when I arrived that annoyed me.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/01/2018 15:31

And also the fact I took 3 bottles of soft drinks and only opened one of the bottles and had two small glasses from it so I'm sure my coke was also used for others as mixers Confused

OP posts:
ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 27/01/2018 15:31

If everything was ok with you and your friend then it might be a case of being stressed over hosting a party and for the sake of keeping the peace it might be wise to just let it go...

Though it is a bit cheeky her asking you to bring a bottle of alcohol when you weren't going to be drinking any alcohol, yet she didn't provide you with a soft drink (you had to bring your own too)

I would wait to see what her reply is in the text before doing anything else (to see what she has to say)

MatildaTheCat · 27/01/2018 15:32

If she’s was cheeky enough to ask for spirits even though you weren’t drinking and then cheeky enough to be rude about your contributions, I’m sorry but she’s not going to suddenly step down and apologise.

She certainly doesn’t sound very nice. What are her good points?

meredintofpandiculation · 27/01/2018 15:32

No YANBU. She was rude, and lucky you didn't just put the bottle back in your bag. She was also rude in expecting you to bring something that you could drink. And if she is a good friend, you should be able to tell her how you feel.

UgandanKnuckles · 27/01/2018 15:33

Nope. I would never dream of expecting anyone not drinking alcohol to provide it.

PaperdollCartoon · 27/01/2018 15:34

Yes she was rude. When I host I say bring what you fancy but also have plenty of general wine as well. I wouldn’t expect someone not drinking to bring alcohol, but if someone did bring a bottle anyway I’d be very grateful.

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/01/2018 15:42

I have been friends with her for about 10 years after meeting each other at college. She has been a good friend to me over the years. This seemed unusual too me but I know other friends of ours have told me in the past that she can be quite blunt and rude at times and easily upset others.

I am not upset by it, just annoyed Grin

I now don't know if I am being ignored or she genuinely hasn't read the message yet

OP posts:
metalmum15 · 27/01/2018 15:53

I honestly wouldn't have even taken the vodka round if I wasn't drinking. We host a lot of parties here and usually provide the majority of the alcohol, especially stuff like vodka or whisky. People might bring round particular beers or wines they like but invariably end up drinking our stuff too. You need to organise a party now and insist she brings some decent booze round!

sixteenapples · 27/01/2018 16:07

I host and never expect people to bring anything - but most do. I don't host often though. When I am a guest I always bring wine, champagne, chocs, flowers - and I rarely drink. The contribution is as a thank you for the effort the host has made, their space, any food they supply.

The attitude that you only bring what you drink is petty. Your friend was still rude however.

Sparkletastic · 27/01/2018 16:17

No non-drinkers are not expected to bring alcohol by polite hosts.

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/01/2018 16:19

It wasn't about only bringing what I would drink... It was the rude comment in what I did bring.

I also got her flowers, a bottle of wine and a bottle of perfume for her birthday.

OP posts:
CapnHaddock · 27/01/2018 16:21

Also you don’t ask anyone to bring spirits. It’s rude

Original poster
LittleMe03 · 27/01/2018 16:28

She has replied to say that she was not happy with me not drinking and only being able to stay until 10pm, that's why she had the attitude towards me she did. She said she was going to keep these feelings to herself until I made a comment.

I have replied to say that she knew my reasons for not being able to stay later and my reason for not drinking is because me and DP are TTC which she also knows about! Confused

So I do think she is BU

OP posts:
JenniferYellowHat1980 · 27/01/2018 16:46

YANBU to be annoyed, but rather than stew on it I'd like to think that I'd have taken the bottle back at the time on the basis that it wasn't wanted. (I wouldn't have been quick enough to think of this in reality). She does sound quite rude but it seems as if you can stand up for yourself.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 27/01/2018 17:09

You made the time to attend her party
even though you couldn't stay the whole evening, you brought alcohol, soft drinks, flowers, perfume, ...and instead of being happy to see you, happy you attended, grateful for you bringing everything you brought , she was snide about the alcohol you brought, you had to provide your own drink while there,

And now she is "not happy" because you didn't drink alcohol (even though you are TTC and also would be driving) and she is also "not happy" that you did not stay.

Your friend sounds like a lot of work, she should be apologising to you and yet she has managed to twist everything round to her wanting an apology.

metalmum15 · 27/01/2018 17:19

She sounds like a miserable friend to be honest. Is she the kind of person who assumes unless you're staggering drunk you're not having a good time?

HildaZelda · 27/01/2018 17:37

What a CF! Next time bring a cheap bottle of wine. Actually next time I think I'd stay at home.

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