To just not go?

9 replies

watchingthedetectives · 27/01/2018 14:03

Background is: meet 3 women regularly at the gym and get on well with 2 and am neutral re the 3rd.

We have met up a number of times for a meal/drinks etc. I haven't really enjoyed this as the 3rd woman is very controlling - picks the restaurant then complains about the price, decides she is not having a starter or 2nd glass of wine and in a passive aggressive way pressurises the rest of us to follow suit. Result is we are in and out in and hour and a half and its just not much fun. She is very stingy and not because she is badly off (mortgage paid off this year/ steady job/no dependants) and we pay for ourselves.

The last time when she cried off and it was just the 3 of us we had a really good night out.

I have a really full on job and decided that this year I would only either do things I want to or things I absolutely have to (i.e. work/school related)

So AIBU to not go - the problem is I don't dislike her and don't want to be unkind - I am fine with a quick chat at the gym I don't think she is too fussed on me either I am worried not going will create an issue - I am more than happy with the others going without me but one other has now said she doesn't want to either. How do I extract myself gracefully without being the school bitch

OP posts:

gobbin · 27/01/2018 14:27

Friendships and social groupings are not static, they are dynamic and fluid. This group is changing, it’s not your responsibility to keep it goiing or your fault if it doesn’t. If you don’t feel like going, then don’t- for the exact reason you gave about not engaging in things you don’t want to do. Just keep them as a gym group.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/01/2018 14:32

So many people, including you, need to get over this... It is NOT RUDE to not spend time with someone who brings zero joy into your life. It does not make you a bitch to not want to be friends with someone. You can be kind and still not hang out with them. If this woman is offended, so be it. You aren't responsible for her feelings. Life is too short to spend time with people who make what should be a fun time a miserable one.

HolyMountain · 27/01/2018 14:55

Don’t go, stuck to your resolution of doing what is best for you.

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/01/2018 15:39

Just don't attend next lunch/evening out and be civil but non-committal with the woman at gym.

Original poster

watchingthedetectives · 27/01/2018 16:43

Thank you all v helpful replies - I'll stick to my guns, civil and non-committal it is!

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taskmaster · 27/01/2018 16:45

just invite the other 2 to dinner without her.

expatinscotland · 27/01/2018 16:46

Nah, don't go.

LoniceraJaponica · 27/01/2018 16:47

"but one other has now said she doesn't want to either."

Is it because of the other woman, or does she have another reason?

Original poster

watchingthedetectives · 27/01/2018 16:51

Lonicera It is because of the other woman and the fact that the behaviour is more diluted if there are more people there

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