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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let anxiety win

23 replies

charley30 · 27/01/2018 13:55

I am in need of a bit of support today . My child's play is on . I bought a ticket and I can't go . I am going through a lot of personal problems but I have let things get on top of me . Leaving the house has become worse . I know I am letting my child down . Her friends and father have gone to see it but I not physically or emotionally able at this time . I am so upset. There is a dvd I can get but it's not the same . Please be understanding

OP posts:

Twistofanxiety · 27/01/2018 14:00

Could you take it one step at a time? Get your cost on, then your shoes, pick up your bag and then take just ONE step outside your door? If you can do those easier things successfully, it might give you the confidence to go all the way.

WeirdCatLady · 27/01/2018 14:03

Some days you just can’t do it. That’s fine. Be kind to yourself. Your dc will understand that you tried your best. Then tomorrow, dust yourself off and keep trying x

WeirdCatLady · 27/01/2018 14:04

And maybe focus on having like a film premiere when the dvd comes out? Make a real fuss over watching it together?

April229 · 27/01/2018 14:04

I agree see if getting ready can help.

Ear phones with a podcast or your favourite music, can you focus in that and try and at least take a step outside. Even if you can’t make it this time you could try and make this the starting point for change?

PenelopeFlintstone · 27/01/2018 14:06

Could you get a one-off Valium from the doctor, like when people get one for the dentist?

Original poster

charley30 · 27/01/2018 14:09

Yes I have done this before just got up and left and not thought about it . This one is difficult as I don't know the place or the area or how to get there .all a bit stressful . It would be so nice to just be able to get up and go but I cannot even force myself today . It will be noisy and busy and I just don't think I can manage . I have a lot of other things going on that are using up any resources I have . I do force myself most times . Small distances but places o know . Iv worried myself sick about this one but feel Iv let it beat me xthank u all for helping x

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Twistofanxiety · 27/01/2018 14:23

I understand Charley. I always get stressed if I don't know where I'm going and will often do a dry run the week before to dispel some of my anxiety. Or if that's not possible, Google Map the place and follow street view all the way there. Or get a taxi. However that's me and I think it's important that you make the decision that works for you

Original poster

charley30 · 27/01/2018 14:25

Thank you ! . I have forced myself in the past . This one seems too much I would prefer not to let her down but I am determined to beat this maybe not today though x

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Flutterbyeee · 27/01/2018 14:30

I really do understand how you feel. My boys are used to me taking them out and about every weekend but since the new year I have struggled for various reasons resulting in anxiety. Today I have made a bed on the living room floor, hot chocolate and a film so they feel we have done something today. Anxiety is so hard to live with as you feel responsible to so many others when you have bad episodes.

Original poster

charley30 · 27/01/2018 14:59

Thank you for saying that. It helps to know I'm not on my own though I wouldn't wish it on anyone . Only those who live with it can truly understand . I am going through problems all at the same time and I have various health problems that have all contributed to this . I am heartbroken I am like this but am determined to not feel like this again . I going to find the best professional to help me and start living again with the coping mechanisms I need .i don't want to feel like a bad mum as i should be there but just can't . This will take a while to get over my disappoint . I wish you well and love what you're doing for your boys . Be kind to yourself xx

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ChelleDawg2020 · 27/01/2018 15:01

Do what feels right. You can't always beat anxiety and sometimes you have to accept that doing the best thing for your health is to leave the fight for another day.

I think you know that it is unhealthy to always give in to anxiety, but equally for most sufferers it is not helpful to always try to battle through it. Going out and having a bad experience might make you more anxious in future, make the problem worse.

That's why I say "do what feels right." What feels right for you, right now, is probably the best course of action. If you feel capable of going, please do, but if you choose not to don't feel guilty about it.

Remember that anxiety is an illness. You wouldn't think twice about not going if you'd broken your leg or had the flu. You'd stay at home to recover, and when you felt better you'd think about going out again.

Original poster

charley30 · 27/01/2018 15:22

That is exactly the way I rationalised this today .! I am lucky I can go the things I can do and I felt that today was just a push too far . Thank u xx

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MeadowHay · 27/01/2018 15:38

Don't worry Charley sometimes it is just too much. Be kind to yourself and have a rest and then start the fight again tomorrow. DH and I were supposed to have friends over tonight but DH naively planned it as a surprise for me (I've had HG which was horrendous for a few months so have seen none of them for months and months), and only told me last night, and I have Asperger's so yeah that wasn't a good idea, spent the whole time crying and an anxious wreck so he has had to tell them all not to come. Now the anxiety about it has gone but I am exhausted from the strain it put on my body and have a headache and like you feel guilt about letting people down. But I've been through this soo many times before and I know that sometimes I just can't manage something and the best I can do now is recover and try again next time.

Original poster

charley30 · 27/01/2018 16:52

Thank you ! You are very kind to comment when you have your own problems and I do feel exhausted as I get so worked up . It's so hard . A constant battle . I need to remind myself of the things I can do and be thankful . Sorry to hear about your night and I'm glad u have an understanding partner who tries to help when things get too hard x hugs for you c

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Pinkbendyman · 27/01/2018 17:09

Be kind to yourself
I've struggled with anxiety for many years; it's so debilitating at times.
Anxiety affects many more people than we realise-because it's not visual, we often struggle on feeling alone.
My thoughts are with you.

MammaTJ · 27/01/2018 17:19

Take care of yourself, have a snuggle up to your child when you get the DVD and watch it together.

Don't, whatever you do, be too hard on yourself over this.

Anxiety is as debilitating as a broken leg. I know from having it myself. A good load of meds for a long time and CBT and I am pretty much out the other side, but occasionally, mainly when I have not been doing my self care, it jumps up and bites me and bites me hard!

Original poster

charley30 · 27/01/2018 17:40

Thank you for your kindness Iv cried and tried to calm myself down for her coming home xx

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Original poster

charley30 · 27/01/2018 17:42

It would be great to hear it can be beaten and it is a lot more common than thought . I'd like to hear about self care techniques . Apart from a cuddle from my daughter I'd like some ways to get that myself x

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MammaTJ · 27/01/2018 23:00

I have included a pic of the 'Self Care Wheel' which is what the self care advice I was given is based on. Try to manage a little from each section every day.

So, I try to get plenty of sleep, if I haven't I will have a nap in the afternoon. I have started physio, so I try and do my exercises every day. Colouring or some time in my craft shed (my happy place) for psychological. Emotional, well mostly fulfilled by those hugs from kids, partner.... Spiritual, that could be church, a mindfulness app, whatever floats your boat. Personal, well I am working on myself, but I pop into friends for a cuppa and a chat. Professional, I don't work but I do home educate my DD, so I get a sense of achievement from that. I do know how to switch off and just be 'Mum'.

I am sure if you had counselling, they would explain it better than me, but I do find if one or two are slipping, so maybe I am not seeing friends for some reason and not sleeping well, then I get worse again and have to be self aware enough to start doing full self care before I spiral too far down.

I hope this helps you.

Original poster

charley30 · 28/01/2018 03:59

Thank you so much . I really appreciate you taking the time to do that xx

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RedHelenB · 28/01/2018 07:09

Could dds father take you? feel sorry for your dd. Honestly some of the stuff we dread turesults out fine in the end.

ZoopDragon · 28/01/2018 07:34

It's not your fault. Think of it is any other illness, you wouldn't go to a school play if you had D&V or a migraine or felt awful. She has other family there to watch, and you can admire her in the DVD. There will be plenty of parents who don't go because they're busy with work, small children or other commitments or simply can't face sitting on a hard chair in a crowded hall for hours having your knees rammed by the chair in front (me!)

Hope you feel better soon

Original poster

charley30 · 29/01/2018 12:17

Thank you x

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