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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate it when people answer the phone and then say they are too busy to talk to your right now.

28 replies

opinionatedfreak · 27/01/2018 12:10

If you can't talk to me just let my call go to voicemail.

I'm talking primarily about personal calls. I'd much rather leave a message and be called back later when there is time to talk rather than be told that my call isn't important enough!!

On the other side and from a different angle I'm a HCP and people answering their phone during consultations is a real bugbear. It happens multiple times a day.

Put your phone on silent and if you forget do so when it rings. Don't answer it to tell the caller that you are seeing the HCP and can't talk.

I get

OP posts:
Maria1982 · 27/01/2018 12:12

Oh I agree on both! If you’re too busy to talk then don’t take the call. Or take the call and say ‘I’m in the middle of something so let’s be brief’.

As for people taking calls while they are being seen by an HCP! That’s so rude! My blood boils for you.

StickThatInYourPipe · 27/01/2018 12:12

I always answer in case it is an emergency, if I can’t talk I will make sure they are okay then say I will call them back for a chat later.

People know I work Mon-Friday so if are calling during that time I assume it is important.

I wouldn’t answer if I was in an apppintment or meeting though, that seems very rude!

StickThatInYourPipe · 27/01/2018 12:13

Sorry that should say i always answer if I’m not in a meeting or appointment!

TheStoic · 27/01/2018 12:17

Plenty of people think it’s MORE polite to answer the phone and explain that they are busy and will call you back.

Horses for courses.

Weezol · 27/01/2018 12:20

In total agreement OP. I'm glad it's not just me.

When someone picks up and says they can't talk now I feel like there saying 'I can't talk to you now, you are not worth my time'.

I know that sounds oversensitive and I'm not usually a delicate ickle flower, but this is one of my pet hates!

meredintofpandiculation · 27/01/2018 12:23

I always answer the phone if I can (ie I'm not driving or in an appointment or having a meal with friend or family). I don't know what you're calling for! It may be "are you free for coffee on Wednesday" or it may be "I was just ringing for a catch-up". The first I can answer now, the second one I may say "I'm just cooking dinner, can we talk later this evening?"

And if it's my 98 year old DP ringing, then I'm going to answer it no matter who I'm in an appointment with. I need to check whether it's an emergency or just a chat.

Tipsntoes · 27/01/2018 12:23

If it's someone I care about I'd answer if I possibly could. If it's an emergency of course I can find the time to speak to them, if they want a chat about the weekend, then I'll have to call them back.

If I don't answer, I don't know how much priority it needs.

Original poster
opinionatedfreak · 27/01/2018 12:31

But surely you just check your voice mail after the appointment has ended?

OP posts:
Spartaca · 27/01/2018 12:35

People answering and saying they are busy doesn't bother me, they can see who is calling before they answer so it isn't because they discovered it is you and don't want to talk. They think they are being polite by talking to you and telling you instead of ignoring you.

Me, I ignore everyone as I hate talking on the phone.

Nikephorus · 27/01/2018 12:37

My mum is a great one for answering, telling me she can't talk & she'll ring me back later, then going on for 5 mins about why she can't talk. And all when I've only rung for a 2-min check-in call. Either say 'I'll ring back in x' or don't answer, or answer, say you have to keep it brief and then do that!! (Not that she winds me up)
I have to answer if she rings, otherwise she'll then ring back, ring my mobile, and then start panicking and send my dad round to check on me in case something desperate has happened (like me having a life and not telling her first).
As for answering during a consult.... Shock

GrockleBocs · 27/01/2018 12:39

Some people don't like leaving messages and if you don't answer they ring repeatedly.

Sparklingbrook · 27/01/2018 12:42

I never answer the phone and say I am too busy to talk and I agree, it's really annoying when others do it.
My phone has the option to send the caller a text to say you are busy and will call back without answering it.

Other than that if I am busy I wouldn't answer the phone. They can leave a voicemail or send me a text if it's that important.

Obviously if I had my phone on me because I was expecting some urgent ife affecting news I would have to answer busy or not.

Tipsntoes · 27/01/2018 12:44

Isn't that the thing about life affecting news, you don't know when to expect it?

Kazzyhoward · 27/01/2018 12:46

People don't leave messages on answerphones though.

I have an answerphone in my office. When I'm in a meeting or am in the middle of something complex, I let it go to answerphone. 9 times out of 10, no message is left.

Some idiots then phone time and time again, basically just hitting redial and getting the a/phone every time, but they still do it.

Hence, why these days I will answer and say I'll call them back.

Original poster
opinionatedfreak · 27/01/2018 12:47

My philosophy is if it is life changing news the person will call back! Or leave a voice message.

Within our family we send "I really need to talk to you" texts.

And as for parents b sting your door down if you don't answer. You have created this situation. Train them to not expect an immediate response!!!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 27/01/2018 12:50

I meant the times when I knew about the life affecting news, people having hospital appointments etc, exam results.

You can't be available to answer the phone 24/7 just in case it's awful news.

meredintofpandiculation · 27/01/2018 12:55

*My philosophy is if it is life changing news the person will call back! Or leave a voice message.

Within our family we send "I really need to talk to you" texts.*

Aged DP doesn't do texts, and their voicemail messages are incomprehensible. I wouldn't answer anything else during an appointment, but just because your family has solutions doesn't mean to say those solutions are workable ins someone else's family.

Ansumpasty · 27/01/2018 12:59

I disagree; I think it's more polite to answer the call and explain you are busy and that you will call back later.

Original poster
opinionatedfreak · 27/01/2018 14:27

Ansumpasty

I am diametrically opposed to you. When someone does that to me it makes me feel really rejected. As if I'm not important enough to make them stop what they are doing.

Whereas if a phone goes to voicemail I rationalize it much more easily as "they were busy".

I suspect some of this is my own way of dealing with phone calls affecting my emotional response.

OP posts:
SoxonFeet · 27/01/2018 14:45

I think if you take such a statement personally then that’s on you and your anxiety OP.

I have chronically ill dependants. This means that if an unidentified call comes through i’ll answer it where ever I am and if it’s not important (ie. a rush to hospital jobby ) then they get called back later.

Interesting you say you are a HCP. I deal with Doctors and consultants regularly who are always understand when I have to answer my phone - I’ve also been in appointments where their phones have rung and they answer. So it’s not one sided at all.

MrTrebus · 27/01/2018 14:51

I had a job where a customer would arrange a telephone appointment with Me,it was always explained that when I phoned them at the appointment time it would come up as "unknown number" or 0800 (depending on network provider) the amount of times I would phone someone at the agreed appointment time and they'd answer (without letting me speak) "I can't talk now I'm waiting for an important call" 😂 then I'd have to explain who I was and sometimes I'd have to phone them back because they hung up on me.....awkward for them!

rookiemere · 27/01/2018 14:55

YABU.

I keep my phone on at work in case DS's school need to contact me about anything ( they rarely do but that's not the point). I find if people call me - particularly not friends as I rarely get calls during the day from them on mobile - they tend to witter.
If they stated their business quickly without asking how I was or if I was having a good day, then I could perhaps answer their question, or even better if they asked me if now was a good time to talk and if not to arrange a ring back, but that rarely happens.

I'm not sure what an HCP is, but I'd never answer a call if in an appointment with a professional. I may forget to put my phone on silent, but I wouldn't take the call.

Sparklingbrook · 27/01/2018 15:19

There's loads of jobs where you aren't allowed to keep your phone on you or even if you did you wouldn't be allowed to answer it. Especiially in customer facing roles.

Everyone would be moaning if the supermarket cashier answered their phone to their child's school while scanning your shopping. Grin Imagine the AIBU thread about that!

shellla50 · 21/08/2020 10:01

I agree I work in financial advice - so when I call I get you may be too busy to talk about your pension. But why answer your phone if your in a meeting! "Oh, Sorry, I'm in a very important meeting right now. Can you call back?" Why did you answer the phone???

BarbaraofSeville · 21/08/2020 10:06

But until they answer the call, they don't know how long it's going to take.

It could be that they have 2 minutes to sort out something quick, but not half an hour or more for a general catch up chat?

But answering a call on a second phone when they're already in the middle of a medical appointment or whatever is bizarre. That would be the time to ignore it or cancel until you've finished with the call you're in the middle of.