To ask you to help me deal with toddler?

[NomsQualityStreets]

DS is 2.5yo he's a lovely little boy but recently I have been struggling with some of his behaviours and I could really use the advice of the wise mumsnetters on here.

1. His initial reaction if he gets asked to do something or if he wants something etc is "no" and a refusal to bath/eat/get dressed. He also tries to divert e.g. wants his DF to dress him instead of me, wants juice before back to bed at night etc.
   He says no even if he does want something it's like an initial impulse to say no e.g. "Would you like some ice cream?" "NO ...er..YES!"

2. he has really ramped up his tantrums, he would tantrum occasionally and it used to be manageable. but now he breaks out into instant snot fest with huge tears and a very loud scream and a complete refusal to acknowledge me or listen to me. And it can be over anything. Now I usually let him get on with it at home and ignore and he seems to calm down after a while but I can't really do that in public and I don't know how to handle it.

3. he has started to say me or DP hurt him. E.g. Today I sat on the sofa with him and I tucked his hair behind his ear, he instantly broke out into a hysterical scream and started crying and screaming for DP and then kept saying "daddy mummy hurt me" through sobs. Last week DP gently moved him away as he nearly fell on the baby on the play mat and he kept talking about how daddy hurt him to anyone who will listen, I even had the HV ask me about it.

Any advice on how to handle these situations would be really appreciated.

DS2 is the same age and does all the same things. I caught him as he was about to fall off the settee and he spent the day saying, "Mommy hurt my arm."
I try to either turn things into a game or distract him as I'm trying to do things like get him dressed. Sometimes we have to get all his little figures in a line and talk to them to get him in the bath.
I do pick my battles. If he doesn't want a bath every day I don't force it. If he doesn't want to eat much dinner, I try not to worry.
Tantrums I do ignore even if we're out. As long as he's not going to hurt himself. I just tell myself most people have been there. I do try to distract him which sometimes works.
And I remind myself it's just a phase.

I expect the key word in your OP is 'baby' and he's just feeling unsettled and adjusting to the new family dynamic.

Gosh, I remember those days with DC2...
It doesn't work all the time but someone suggested to always give choices so they feel they have control of something and don't say yes/no. E.g. would you like ice cream OR yoghurt? Do you want to wear outfit A OR outfit B .
And as others have said, pick your battles as sometimes being tired magnifies something ickle. All the best