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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children & reading

146 replies

Nquartz · 26/01/2018 16:25

I volunteer to read with children in DD's class once a week & usually read with the bottom set.

It is very frustrating when I can tell from the children's reading record that they never read at home so once a week with me & possibly once a month with the teacher is all the reading they do.

Why don't parents read with their children at home?? I get that people are busy & have busy lives but reading 2 pages of a Biff, Chip & sodding Kipper book only takes 5 minutes.

And breathe!

OP posts:

grannytomine · 26/01/2018 17:00

Toffeelatteplease I don't think the OP is talking about the children with a reading age at or above their chronological age. I know that the children I helped, and think OP is the same, were children who were significantly behind.

At the school where I helped once they were "free readers" teachers didn't tend to check.

grannytomine · 26/01/2018 17:03

You don't know that. I never signed the thing to say I'd read two pages of Biff and bloody Chip with them, because they were already reading Harry Potter or Tom Gates etc on their own, so it was entirely unnecessary. I don't think the OP is talking about children who can read Harry Potter.

LivininaBox · 26/01/2018 17:03

Many parents pick their kids up from after school care at 6pm. The kids are knackered and by the time they have got home, parent has made dinner and they have eaten, it is bedtime. Some are back in childcare at 730 the next day. How can you fit in reading with that routine?

WeirdCatLady · 26/01/2018 17:06

I used to run a primary school library (volunteer). Some parents just can’t be arsed. It was so sad because I saw the difference just a bit of one to one attention made.

gingerh4ir · 26/01/2018 17:08

yabvu. You never know what is going on at home. It may be only 5 mins for you but it's not the same for everyone.

Also, many parents who are busy working long hours. I see you have time to volunteer at school, so I guess you are not on full time employment with a long commute and you probably have way more time at your hand than some other parents (this is not a dig, just reading between the lines).

Lastly, not writing into the reading diary doesn't mean parents don't read. I have 2 DC, one with severe SN, one with minor difficulties. I work all week. I still read but I just don't have the time to log it. I prioritise reading over taking notes about the reading. It may be just 2 mins in your book but if you are drowning in stuff, you just take these kind of shortcuts.

x2boys · 26/01/2018 17:08

Because whilst I'm sure it's all very lovely to read at home when you have children that are typical mumsnet ,middle class, gifted and talented etc when you have children with special educational needs its not such a joy ds1 inly stated reading properly in yr 3/4 and will now read independently and fluently but it's been a struggle ds2 goes to a specialschool and can't talk let alone read

DontCallMeJohnBoy · 26/01/2018 17:09

Because my DS has no interest in reading. Anything - not shop signs, road signs, ice cream wrappers. We could spend 40 minutes and tears slogging through your bloody dull books practically crying along with DS because both parents are keen readers and we have no idea why he can't get this and the school SENCO is too lazy / short funded to get him proper help. Yeah! Great family time.

We've also tried to get him to read comics, reference books, non-fiction books, recipe books and books to pets / younger children.

You go ahead and presume the parents can't be arsed. They've spent 4 years reading to the kids before it started school, and that had absolutely no effect whatsoever to the kid's ability to read. Imagine how dispriting that is. Now go and judge.

taskmaster · 26/01/2018 17:10

I don't think the OP is talking about children who can read Harry Potter

you don't know. A teacher put my dc2 into the bottom set because he kept saying he didn't want to read the books she was giving him (because he was years above them in reading level) and she said he wasn't allowed an opinion and if he didn't read them she would mark him down as being unable to read them. Which she did.

missadasmith · 26/01/2018 17:11

I think you should take your judgy pants off or find another volunteer role. You probably don't know anything about these families. What a judgemental post!

SkaPunkPrincess · 26/01/2018 17:11

I do as much as I can in the time that we have in the week, but sometimes it's just not worth battling with my DC1 I take his lead and if he is clearly tired (usually towards the end of the week) we just don't bother. We do lots of other reading and writing ie bedtime stories, signs, menus ect.
However i resent having to write in a book about his progress but getting no feedback the other way.........

Sirzy · 26/01/2018 17:13

It would help if the school books were a bit more engaging!

Ds has refused to pick up a school reading book since just before Christmas. We still read every day though and his teacher is aware of this.

saladdays66 · 26/01/2018 17:13

Because some parents just don't care about school or reading, or can't be arsed to read to their dc.

Some dc - as you see above - have SEN/additional needs that make reading harder.

Family life is busy. Parents may read with their dc but not write in the book every day.

Parents may not have enough English to read with their dc.

And some can't be arsed...

OhCalamity · 26/01/2018 17:13

I get home at 7pm. By the time I make dinner, while I'm doing that, DP is supervising homework and sticking on a wash, sorting out uniform etc. Then we eat, and get DS ready for bed about 8.30.

We read a bedtime story every night. It's only 10 mins out of the day and it's one-to-one time with him. I'd rather the 10 mins spent on a story than housework tbh.

HairyBallTheorem · 26/01/2018 17:15

In my case, it was because my son (as it eventually turned out) was dyslexic, and reading was desperately hard for him (and school was totally exhausting). I chose instead to read to him a lot, because I decided the main thing age 4 -5-6 was that he continued to associate books with pleasure rather than seeing them as this hideous chore that had to be got through that would cause him nothing but pain. Age 10 he now reads for pleasure (occasionally - it's still bloody hard work for him) and has a reading level slightly above his calendar age - and I still read to him.

x2boys · 26/01/2018 17:18

And fwiw both my nephews struggled to read properly too and my sister is a primary school teacher so there you go!

AllStar14 · 26/01/2018 17:18

How can you tell from the reading record? I don't always remember to record what I've read with my daughter, and I read to her every day.

ShastaTrinity · 26/01/2018 17:19

I never fill the reading record with details of our private books, I only write down the books that have been given as homework.

Taking aside the illiteracy issue - which is much bigger than people realise - you forget that some adults DO NOT READ! There are houses without a single book in them (much rarer to see a house without a TV).
Kids follow by example, if they are used to see parents reading a lot, they tend to follow. Not every family read a bedtime story every night, some parents never even read to a child during the day.

If parents see reading as "homework", as a chore, the kids pick on that. Unless you only come home when the children are asleep, you can read with them, but some people just chose not to, because they are "too busy". Same parents will have found the time to see all the latest shows on Netflix...

sobeyondthehills · 26/01/2018 17:19

if you are just basing it off the book you are meant to write in, its because I forget every bloody time.

mindutopia · 26/01/2018 17:20

I imagine it's the fact that some parents are lazy (or not confident readers themselves). But I also wonder if it's just that some parents are completely overwhelmed. I know when mine was first starting reading, it would easily take us an hour to get through a book. Now it's much easier and might only take 10 minutes. But I'm lucky that I have a flexible professional full-time job where I work from home, can pick up my dd, and we have all afternoon to do homework, start dinner, etc. I used to not get home until 7pm though after being out of the house at 5:30am. My dh would pick our dd up and do his best to keep an eye on her while continuing to work until his work day was done at 5 and then he'd have to cook dinner and get her bathed before I came home. This was before our dd was in school. But if it wasn't for the fact that we've been able to arrange for one of us to always pick her up and be with her in the afternoon to do homework (while continuing full-time work), I don't know what we'd do. It would be hard to get everything done like we do now. We would get it done, but something would slide, whether it was healthy meals or homework or our jobs, etc. Definitely I could manage 5 minutes, but we're certainly expected to do much more than 5 minutes per day and that would be tough.

megletthesecond · 26/01/2018 17:22

Because dd won't read to me. I spent months trying to persuade / bribe her and she won't do it. I got fed up of it turning into a meltdown (she will kick and spit at me) so gave up.

Her older brother will read to me though.

daffodildelight · 26/01/2018 17:23

2 of my children have since turned out to be dyslexic. I remember when they were in Reception I also had a toddler and a pre schooler who constantly demanded attention.
My 2 Reception children really hated reading. They would try all sorts of avoidance tactics. To get 5 mins reading done would be about 30-40 mins effort. Attempting to do the reading would be a painful process with tears and frustration.
Add in everything else that needed to be done with 4 kids under 5 and a husband who worked very long hours and reading was something i dreaded. It was another chore to fit in along with housework, cooking, laundry, ironing, gardening, baths, packed lunches, play dates, etc etc etc
I managed it infrequently. It's hard for some families.

Skisunsnow · 26/01/2018 17:23

I listen to my Ds (age5) read every day, but I don't write in the book unless there's anything particular I want the teacher to know. I don't write in it every day!

ShastaTrinity · 26/01/2018 17:24

she will kick and spit at me
How do you tolerate this behaviour! you seem to have much bigger problems than reading, this is not acceptable.

Ihatepompoussoccermums · 26/01/2018 17:26

To be fair I always forget to write in the reading record. My son has been top of his class for reading since year 1 and even can read some words my 13 year old sister cant. My daughter doesn’t want me to read with her but insists my Nan does. I just totally forget to write in the book.

user1498927651 · 26/01/2018 17:29

I read to my DS from about two years before he started school (wasn't interested as a toddler), and read with him for the first two years of school, after that he was reading independently. I enjoy reading but not reading aloud, so this was not done with enthusiasm. DS has a reading age of 16.5 now in year 7.

I have known parents who read to their child since birth and the child still struggled with reading and was always a reluctant reader. So, I don't judge.

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