To think I can't do this any more

[LivetogetherWorktogether]

DP and I have known each other for 5 years and been together 2 and a half years. We're in the process of buying our first house together.

For the last 18 months we've been working together. Some days it's great but other days (and it's happening more and more) I feel completely suffocated and that we never have any space from each other.

If we argue we can't just go into work the next day and not speak to or see each other and then have calmed down by the evening like we would do if we worked separately.

We're arguing more and more and I think a lot of that is the lack of space. I don't think I can do this any more. We're getting more and more issues between us and it's just not a good environment for either of us.

AIBU to think I can't do this any more and something has to change (aka I change my job)? I can't ask him to change as he's been here 7 years and loves his job.

Am i just being naive thinking a lot of our issues will be resolved if I just work elsewhere? How do we make it workable until I do find something else? I can't just quit until I find something else.

How directly are you working together?

But yes space and time apart is probably a good idea

Are you able to work outside the home i.e on a laptop in a cafe?

He works in one department and I work in another but there are very close links between the two so I have meetings with him on an almost daily basis and his office is right next to mine.

Little in theory I could for short periods but my line manager would never allow it.

Christ that’s a lot of pressure - changing jobs will most likely help.

My DH and I have been married 25 years this year, and he runs his own business. His secretary was off for 4 months this summer which I covered, and by the end of it, we were nearly divorcing. We both are very independent, and the lack of space was too hard for both of us. Change jobs!

I'll put it this way, why wouldn't you change jobs??

I'm glad I'm not the only one Jane but sorry it got so bad for you.

Rat when I took this job I had zero self confidence or self esteem. I was being knocked back left right and centre for jobs. Then this job came up and it really matched my experience and qualifications. I still don't have much confidence and tbh don't really know what I want to do so it's hard to look for other opportunities. It's well paid and at the moment we can car share which keep our costs down.

All that said. I know this isn't working for us and I desperately need to find an alternative even though that'll probably mean taking a pay cut and having additional costs of a second car.

No way could I work with DH, I imagine it would be utter shit.
You need time to yourselves & at the moment neither of you is getting it. Sit down & discuss it between you & decide which one starts looking for a new job.

It would have to be me. He wouldn't even entertain the idea of looking for a new job and tbh I'd feel really guilty pushing him into it if it came to that. Especially as I don't actually like my job.

I worked in the same place as my husband for 4 years - same department as well. At first it was ok but eventually, I felt like you in that I felt we never had any time apart.

In addition, my husband had worked there for quite a long time before I started and, ridiculous as it might sound, I felt a bit like I wasn't recognised in my own right - people used to refer to me as 'X's wife' all the time.

In the end, I decided to look elsewhere and changed jobs. Best thig I could have done!

Look elsewhere for a job - you need distance!

Thanks Pumpkin for sharing your experience. I know what you mean about being X's wife (or partner in my case).

I feel I'm always living under his shadow and that they're his colleagues and his workplace etc not really mine. I also find the only thing we have to talk about is work and that really sucks.

I love my DH but I could not work with him. Have you ever talked about it with your DP? Chances are he feels the same and maybe at least acknowledging that working together is not good for your relationship would be a start.

I could never work with DH - we all need space - I love him dearly but need to be able to separate work from home. DH is who I talk to about work, I could never wind down if he were there and at home

Blind yeah we've spoken quite in depth about it and he does feel similarly.

The other issue is I have a 4 month notice period. Who wants to employ anyone in 4 months time? Most people need people now not in May